Hey guys.
I slunk into TS on Sat am in the wake of a massive binge at my workplace on Friday night. Long story as short as my long winded, tattered innards can muster, I ended up being approached by campus police where I work. Apparently I had looked my coworkers in the eye and told them I was “fine and heading home” but I don’t recall. The last thing I remember is the cops casually questioning me in the bathroom, to which I aggressively brushed by them and tried to be on my sloppy way. LOL. Good plan. I vaguely remember the fight that ensued, mostly from the damage all over my body. It really isn’t funny, but I can’t help but marvel that this was maybe the 6th time I’ve gone full blown fisticuffs with the po-po in my 30 years. Two of those bouts occurred while pulled over during 2/3 DUIs I’ve accumulated in the past near-decade. I couldn’t honestly tell ya why this white girl from the burbs has such a passionate, long-standing disdain for the cops. I tend to blame my viking blood or martial arts history, but we all know I’m a damn drunk. Digression.
This most recent unhinging landed me 51/50’d in the hospital, where I definitely continued to be an absolute angel. In the moments I came to, I was handcuffed and bound by all limbs to the hospital bed, and became hazily aware that I was going to ultimately wake up in jail.
This wasn’t my first rodeo, to which some of you perhaps may relate. But this time was different. I have been graced with undeserved good fortune since Friday. I didn’t wake up in a cell… a kind nurse woke me at 5am from my tranq’d slumber with a big measuring cup full of ice water, and I wasn’t cuffed. He said “I’m gonna get your clothes and your stuff and you can be on your way. You probably shouldn’t drink. You’re a completely different person, wow!” I know, my dude, I know.
I had everything but my phone, and was able to contact a coworker who lived nearby (I was, and work, very far from home). He was awake for some reason and quickly scooped me up and helped me get my bearings. He called me a ride back to work. It was one of those really nice Uber drivers, and I felt compelled to spill my guts. He had some heartwarming, prophetic things to say about forgiveness and self-love and his own journey. I tried not to cry. He brought me to work in the dim dawn light, where he helped me try to find my phone on the ground where the gps locating app thingy told me it probably was. No go, oh well. I told him I was going to start making my way home (I figured the busses would start running soon and I could navigate my way home to my poor s/o, who only had the couple messages I managed to send on my laptop from the hospital and no idea where I was. The busses would’ve taken me a couple hours at least, and this nice driver swiftly offered to drive me home free of charge. I was so overwrought with guilt and gratitude when we got to my place that I forced him to take the lone hundo in my wallet for what was probably like a $40 ride.
I agonized all weekend, soberly, about returning to work yesterday to face myself and people I admire and I imagined now hated me thoroughly for jeopardizing our program. I wondered if this was finally it. I wept on my dogs. I hope this is finally it.
I showed up, though, and my phone was waiting for me as well as a stern yet sympathetic look from my boss & friend. My phone was in the office. He let me know that word had gotten out, but he padded the blow by speaking with an important few folks about what happened before I had to do so myself. Everyone took my story (that I was disoriented because of mixing with new meds and that I’d never intentionally hurt anyone or my place here) and I was met with overwhelming support for all that lies ahead for me.
It couldn’t have resolved any more smoothly, and I’m incredibly motivated to stop due to all of the happenstance. I was forced to be sober in the past for 13 months because I was wearing an alcohol monitor on one leg and a house arrest bracelet on the other. I graduated with those motherlovers under my gown-- this time was the most uplifting and productive of my adult life, but I knew I would go back because of dialogue in my head around being forced clean and boxed in.
I’ve checked in here everyday since and will continue. I have friends and family in my corner and I think I might actually be standing in it for once, too. I’m piecing it together and truly starting to understand presence in the now. I already feel a weight lifted and a fog cleared after just a few days. Haven’t smoked weed, either. I’m not drinking today to thank everything for giving me the chance to write this.
Thanks 
xx valk
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Wow…thats a good start!
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The universe was working in your favor…I wish you great strength and learning on your sober journey.
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That was a well put together story of your experience. It is different when you quit for someone else rather than yourself. You are in control of this. It is your time to step up and own it. I wish you all the best. Stay strong.
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