Hi Donovan, welcome to the forum. You’re not alone in struggling with pornography. You’re right that it’s an industry that preys on people’s vulnerability (much like all “industries” built around addictions) - and you’re doing the right thing, leaving it in your past.
The opening line of Facing The Shadow, the first workbook in Patrick Carnes’s series on overcoming sex addiction, is: ‘Addiction is a disease of escape.’ That’s something I think many addicts understand. We have spent years running from our feelings (fears, frustrations, boredom, misunderstandings, etc) and we self-soothe with our drug or behaviour. But ultimately we realize it’s a fake hyperstimulus - it’s not real - and we long for real, meaningful, lasting connections with others.
Connection is an important part of recovering from addiction. We need to learn how to connect with others in healthy, stable ways; we need to learn that real life is not as scripted as our addictive life was. This is both scary and fulfilling: when we start engaging in real connections with people, when we start living and developing sobriety fully, we see how rich and deep our relationships can be - and how porn was nothing compared to it.
For me, real sobriety from porn and masturbation didn’t begin until I joined a group at a sex addiction recovery clinic in my city. Neal made a post of links here:
There is also a private message thread of men in recovery from porn / masturbation / sex / love addiction. I will add you there.
Looking forward to seeing you around!