I wrote a letter to my ex about quitting meth, from the perspective of my future self. I thought I’d share part of it here, maybe it can inspire others.
“To start, I hope you’ve been doing well. I figured enough time has passed for me to take steps to reach out. I’m doing a lot better, and have moved on from what happened between us. You can believe me when I say it this time.
I’ve been clean for nearly two months now. Meth was ruining my life and cheapening my most treasured relationships, especially the one I had with you. NA and my friends have really helped. I don’t keep secrets anymore, and I’m done lying. The day I read your email, I told my bandmates about my drug use, and they helped me through the process of getting clean. They were so loving and tolerant. I’m proud to say I haven’t had a craving in a long time. I even quit smoking cigs! 
It still bewilders me that I stooped to that level. I’d tried it on a whim, and because Adderall is expensive and wasn’t working on me like it used to, I wanted something stronger. That, of course, was a huge mistake. I feel so removed from the person I was, a person who was doing ice every day to avoid looking at himself. I thought I was high functioning, but at my lowest, I weighed one hundred and five pounds and would go three or four days without sleeping or eating. Like I said in my last email, I was peaking on meth every time I binge texted you, called you, fought with you or dropped things off at your house. I spent so much money on drugs that I had trouble making rent or buying basic necessities like food or toilet paper. It brought back my BPD symptoms, which I thought I’d conquered. I isolated myself from my friends when I needed them the most. I only hung out with other addicts. A plug tried to assault me at his house once (he was unsuccessful, and one of my poems is about this). I accidentally overdosed one time and passed out, seizing and temporarily blind, on the bathroom floor. I didn’t recognize myself. I definitely didn’t love myself.
I know this all is hard to read. It wasn’t your fault. Please believe me. Don’t blame or punish yourself for it. It would be unfair to make you take on that burden. I take responsibility. These were my choices.
Only you and a handful of my closest friends know all this. It sounds scary and dramatic because it was. This is all the truth. I still can’t believe everything I went through. Addiction can happen to anyone, but I never thought it would happen to me like this. It feels unbelievable that I would ever start doing something so sinister and that I’d put myself in such dangerous situations. Meth is an evil drug. Dealers prey on addicts by selling it to them cheaply. But I survived it all. I buckled up and got through it in one piece. I deleted all my plugs’ numbers a long time ago. I gained the weight back, have stuck with three meals a day and feel physically strong again. I can feel my emotions normally. They don’t drown me anymore. I’m so much wiser, more pragmatic and more grown up now. I think I had to lose myself to eventually come back to myself. I haven’t done meth, Adderall or any other uppers since. I plan for that to be the case for good. I’m working on getting consistent, appropriate help for my ADHD, so I no longer seek out alternative methods.
It feels good to be upfront with you. Honesty is like a balm.
I consider it to be a badge of honor that I was once trapped and escaped. I can see now that all my troubles, which once felt insurmountable, were so much smaller in retrospect than I remember them being during that time.
I feel like the spark in my life is back. People around me say they can see it in my eyes. I’m myself again, the person you fell in love with: joyful, friendly, loving and, most importantly, honest. I want that person to persevere, and this time I think it will stick. I hit rock bottom— the only place I could go was up. My hard-living days are over for a long time, maybe for good.
I’ve been in intensive DBT therapy since November and have unpacked a lot of my history and actions, including what I did when we broke up. I’m healing slowly but surely from my wounds. I still have work to do, and will for the rest of my life, as everyone does. But I’m doing great now and have committed to not making those same mistakes again. I feel in charge of myself for the first time. I’m mailing this on New Year’s Eve and feel like I have a new lease on life.
I’m really proud of myself. I’d like to think you’d be proud too. I know it must have hurt to know I was self destructing, and I’m sure you were scared for me. But I’ve taken control of my life and am so much better, healthier, and happier. I hope that’s a solace to you.”
It takes so much courage to write a letter like this. Thank you for sharing 