Thank you so much @Chevy55, @Hopeful32 and @Jennx …as well as everyone who has responded since I first shared. It is always gratifying when my story speaks / touches others. I too find solace, comfort, strength, knowledge from the many experiences and shares here on TS.
Sobriety has brought even more peace and healing since first writing this, as well as the usual life stuff. 2023 was particularly challenging…and sobriety helped me navigate it and lean on my sober toolbox. I found a zoom therapist (I live very rural) who reminded me of my inner resources + leaned into friends here and IRL (thank you mod squad past and present and others).
Sobriety always felt so out of reach, 60 days, 90 days, a year…seemed truly impossible. Yet every day is a new chance and we can keep moving forward. My life is far from perfect …that is a fantasy…but my brain is mostly a loving and calm place to live now and that chaos and shame cycle is my past. Today is a beautiful day to be 2,504 days sober. Never give up on your self. Together we are stronger.