I’m posting this here because I really don’t want to vent anywhere else. Today I’m 47 days sober from alcohol after having a relapse in June after being 2 years and 2 months sober. I’m not sure if it’s just part of my emotional withdrawals still or what but I’ve been feeling pretty bummed lately. I’ve always put on this “super mom”, “Miss independent” or “I don’t need no man” type of persona. But as of lately I just feel bummed for not being special enough I guess to be loved the way I want. Or appreciated, even by my kids. With all my exs I never got birthday presents or Christmas presents or not even a heartfelt letter or text or whatever. Im always kind of forgotten or just not important enough to do something special. Where as, everyone’s birthday, or holidays I’m always making the biggest effort to make my significant other feel special or my friends or family. I understand my kids are young 16, 11, 3, and 2 years old but when it’s a family members birthday or something, I go out of my way to have the kids do a craft or art project to give as a gift. But when it comes to me, I get nothing. I guess I’m more thinking about it now because my birthday is coming up august 28th and I’m pretty sure I’m getting squat like usual. I should probably stop watching social media Seeing videos of other women getting treated so special hurts my heart. But I guess I’ve already come to the conclusion that, that’s my life. And I hate to admit, I was triggered to go get a bottle and sulk in my lame sorrows but I’m happy I didn’t. If you’ve read this far Thanks for reading my vent!
I’m sorry that you feel that way. I can tell you that you are special. You’re special because you are a mother. Expectations can lead to disappointment but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have any.
Know your value, your worth, stay sober. Best wishes to you.
How often are you doing things that make YOU happy?
I’ve come to a point where I don’t expect anything for my birthday or other occasions anymore. I used to make up expectations in my mind of how it might go only to be let down, as @Dan531 mentioned.
Its very common to feel unappreciated as a mother. Its not because you’re not special. It sounds like you do a lot of nice things. And that’s just it. We do so much, and so much is unseen, that it’s unknowingly taken for granted. I know I didn’t start showing my mother the appreciation she deserved until I had my own child and realized everything she had done and still does for me.
Now for my birthday I make the plans. I take myself out and do exactly what I want to do. Last year it was a day at the zoo followed by a lobster dinner. Hard to be let down if you’re running the show.
Be your own mom and plan a special day just for you. I hope you have a great one
This ain’t off topic at all, squarely on topic as it pretains to sobriety and managing expectations. Expectations are just preloaded resentments in my experience… even with this knowledge I still let them kick me in ass at times lol.
I agree with the folks above, make your own day if you must, do your thing your way. I have to at times because I can be awfully hard to please thanks to these “fantastical” expectations I get in my own mind and sometimes the only one who can get that right is me
Mom’s are the shit, I wouldn’t be here without mine. Some day they’ll get it… took me a while to get it but I tell my Mom I love her every day and I make time for when she needs something done or just wants to see me and bullshit.
Keep doing the damn thing
Drinking won’t change any of this so we’ll down for not going down that road
I think this is stood out to me the most in the replies
Addicts are notorious for people pleasing, also do you do these things for people because you think you’re more likely to get something in return or because you just enjoy doing them….
I have to stop sometimes and check my motive behind doing something.
We are all worthy you just have to find the right people.
Honesty, respect, kindness cost nothing and to me are worth more than a gift if these things are missing from a relationship.
PS social media is BS and should be avoided if you are feeling down (and most of the time when you’re not)
Love this response X
Not often at all. I’ve been such a people pleaser. And being a single mom of 4 kids, it’s hard to even take a shower without one kid screaming or whining lol I definitely need to make some time.
I definitely think I’m going to make my own plans. And since I was a kid I guess I’ve always had the expectation of “fairytale” crap. But, I’m definitely gonna make this year different. A happy memorable one!
I’ve totally let the expectations get to me. I know at this point it’s all a mental game for me. I hate being such a Debbie downer! But being a single mama of 4 spawns, it’s hard not to reach my limit. But this year I’m gonna treat myself finally. Not sure what yet, but I’ll think of something
Youre not being a debbie downer at all. A single mum to four children is an exhausting job. It sounds like youre doing great!
Well done on not drinking, none of this sounds like it would be any easier with a hangover.
Parenting is so often a thankless task, despite how much of ourselves we give to our children. You should definitely treat yourself to something lovely, you more than deserve it!
Spawns I feel you!
When you bring to work on loving yourself, you will attract people who are able to love you the way you need. Love of my True Self, that is a hell of a gift. And sobriety makes that possible. The above is based on my experience. I’m 2.5 years sober, and I’ve immersed myself in all things recover since then. Never been more free and at peace. Zero expectations from others and outcomes makes life so much easier for me.
This is spot on! I’m a lifelong, co-dependent , people pleaser, whose inner child always hoped to get something in return, and guess what? It doesn’t work, it never did. Knowing how my inner child developed this attitude was helpful, but habits die hard!