When I was actively giving advice/feedback, I felt strong in my recovery. It felt good knowing I was helping people. Now whenever I see someone struggling badly, I often just scroll past. I know I’m not obligated to help. But helping helped me. And I feel disconnected from TS lately. Even though for a long time it was my main support.
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I learned and also feel that giving help is very tricky. When someone is askr it directly, which I can read in some posts.
Otherwise I try to stick to my experiences which are limited but they are the only one that I have.
You know in German you also say: Ratschläge sind auch Schläge.
Or can the feeling of being stronger from being better than? I sometimes fall in that trap when I hate myself the most.
From what you write I gathered that you are doing rather good these days batting yourself less for being you.
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Your posts are always helpful and nice, very intuitive. If helping helps you it is a good thing and maybe will help you feel more connected to TS should that be what you wish… … take care of yourself… learn to drive that car.
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It turns out my mom’s boyfriend is allergic to cats. And medication doesn’t work. I have to get rid of my cats. My best friend luckily had a place for Puk, so he just picked her up. And there’s someone from church who can take Piet and/or Murdock. Best 50 day celebration ever… 
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That sucks! I am sorry. That sucks really.
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Oh no, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry you need to let them go. It’s ok to be sad and miss them. I hope they’re going to good homes.
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I’m sorry to hear about your cats. It sounds like you’ve found them some nice new homes. 
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Sounds like nice homes and you can visit them. I’m very sorry.
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The last week sucked. Every single day I watched YouTube, peaking at 13 hours yesterday. I thought I’d be relieved that I’d be able to cry for once, that I’d welcome the grief of giving away my cats. I thought I’d be able to cry in front of my mom. But I was so wrong. All I wanted was to seem like a strong man in front of my mom and those who were taking my cats. Such neanderthal believes. I didn’t allow myself to be sad, so I just watched YouTube all day every day the last week. I thought that to be the best compromise at the time. I didn’t game or watch TV, so no harm done right? Fucking addict mind. I look forward to my changes in therapy; to feeling and accepting emotions. I’ll try to cry because I’ll have to let out this hurt before it just joins the big hidden blob of bad. Today was good though. I watched youtube, but only to figure out how to eat a pommegranate which I had never done before.
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I hear your frustration with yourself and your addiction and it’s totally fine to vent. I see your desire to change and yet, it seems to me you’re being quite hard on yourself. Tears don’t come if they’re forced. actors can but it’s fake. You can’t particularly choose when you want to cry or release sadness. There’s no right or wrong in that sense. It comes when it comes, often when you least expect it and usually when you’re feeling “safe”. When it does, don’t hold it back.
It’s not neanderthal to want to keep your self together in front of others. I can imagine it’s been tough trying to get yourself ready to give up your cats, and when the day comes, maybe you’re to wound up to show feelings. That’s ok. You can verbalise them too: “I’m really sad to give them up.” I’m often too tense to let anything out when something is happening and then crash when I have some privacy.
Yes, you didn’t game, you didn’t watch tv. Points for that! You handled this crisis with YT which was prolly not best option but you know you can kick it. You can unpack that and discuss alternatives for future reference with your therapist.
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632 days no gaming
53 days moderate TV
1 day moderate YouTube
I want to clarify my upcoming goals for both myself and those interested.
These are my current goals:
- No Gaming
- Moderate TV
-No TV shows
-Never alone
-Only 1 movie a day
-ever out of my own initiative
-Never when I know it will be a means of avoiding despite following all other rules
-Breaking news is allowed at all times (which I’ve only witnessed once in my lifetime) - Moderate YouTube
-Educative use only(School, how to…, etc.) - Only 5 hours of screen time a day
-TV time does not count towards these 5 hours
My future goals are as follows:
- I want to reduce my daily screen time with 30 minutes each month until I’ve reached 2 or 2,5 hours a day
- I might eventually stop listening to podcasts
- I might eventually stop reading the news online
My future goals aren’t definite though. We’ll see what happens
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Today has so far been good. I’ve sought little distraction. I’ve joined the zoom meeting. I’ve worked all afternoon. I’ve played games with my mom and her bf. I’ve felt fairly relaxed.
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I really aggreed with @SoberGuyUSA on this… You are luring yourself in kinda way… Wees niet aangevallen vriend… Don’t take offence but it’s like a heroin addict stashing a kilo of drugs in a jar or space he can temporarily not get in… Or just smash it … I would.
Get the addiction out of the house, life and eventhough you are aware , you are still unable aware… Ezra 10:4 " get up, be strong and act "
It would be like me sleeping on a pillow of Coke …
Or do you think you can manage this addiction in a way?
Like to hear that bro only screen you’d be needing is sunscreen 
Met liefde , 
you know bruv
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I’d honestly do it if it weren’t my mentally disabled brother’s console. And luckily it left the house 2 days after the posts. And I’ve made sure my brother won’t bring it again as I promised him I’d kick him in the balls if he did.
I think I can be around games if there’s no other possibility, but that’s it. I’d be a fucking idiot to try moderating gaming.
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Bless my bruvvv , good choice then ! Big up
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633 days no gaming
54 days moderate TV
2 days moderate YouTube
2 days of brushing and flossing my teeth
Over the last year, my dental hygiene has improved significantly. I’ve gone from once every few months to about once a week with stretches up to 14 days. I even bought a new electric toothbrush and I’ve taught myself how to floss. Yet, at this pace, I’ll still start getting cavities and losing teeth within the next few years. I want to focus on doing it daily now. My goal is 120 days as a psychiatrist once told me it takes 120 days to form new habits. After that, I obviously still want to brush daily, but then I’ll probably stop counting.
Today was a pretty good day. I started by going to work. I asked my boss to stay extra long so that I could tidy up the car crash that was our freezer. Then I went home and did some grocery shopping at my store. When I got home I realized I had forgotten some items, so I went back again. And then I forgot some more items so I had to go back again. My coworkers had a lot of fun because of that 
Then this evening I had a barbecue with my family and my best friend. The same friend that took Puk. He said she’s doing well, so that’s good to know. Then I watched Scary Movie with my friend and my sister(her initiative). That was one fucking weird movie. Now off to bed, goodnight everyone
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You crazy bastard just go straight for the nut sack 
had a little giggle just by reading and imagination… Poor brother 
Imma if to bed… Christ awaits in the morning
Keep up the gum work… You thank you in years from now… don’t floss, get then tandenraggers met zo’n borsteltje voor tussen dat gebitske
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I chuckled over the extra trips to the store.
Laughing with you, not at you. I’ve had a few days like that and I still don’t make a list.
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I don’t think I’ll ever start using lists. I want to keep my memory sharp
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You mean those from G-U-M? I’ll give those a try
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