Hi all, I decided to make a thread that is like my diary. I’ve seen other people do it before me and I decided to do it myself too, because It’s easier to keep the forum neat if I don’t make a shitload of topics everytime something happens in my life, but just a big one. Feel free to reply if you want to
Guess I’ll just make a summary of my sober life so far to begin with.
I have a gaming addiction and I’m currently trying to quit nailbiting. The last time I gamed was on November 27th at about 3:30AM. 10 hours later, I was in rehab, at the other side of the country, which was only a 3.5 hour drive because the netherlands is pretty tiny. 10 weeks later I was back home, and finally got news about the outside world. appearently i missed a near third world war, and australia had burned down. Oh, and i forgot, it was at the start of the corona epidemic, which kinda terrified me.
When i got home, i went to school for 3 weeks and then they closed. Since then, not a lot of things happened for a while, until the 29th of may.
My stepdad is terminally ill. He had terminal skin cancer, but he got experimental treatment for it. It got rid of his cancer, but it also got rid of the organ that produces hormones. Now he has Edison(i dont know if thats the english term too, but i think so, becauase its based of a name), which means he gets crises from too much stress, which can be fatal. So on the 29th of may, he suddenly had an intense pain in his leg. A nerve got jammed and stopped working. Due to the pain and his illnesses an ambulance had to come. He nearly had a crisis. After a few days he came home, but unable to move move much and still in pain. He lies in the livingroom which causes a lot of stress between him and my mom(my mom is bad at concealing stress, which annoys him, so its a negative spiral and my mom is very energetic in ana annoying, she constantly repeats herself). I also get affected by that stress, causing my joy to constantly be repressed. And now were up-to-date.
June 11th 2020
I studied until 1AM last night for two tests I had today, discovered that i can concentrate best at night, not certin if that is useful. Got out of bed at 6AM, resumed studying. Went to the location where the tests are taken at 8:45AM. Did okay on the Dutch test, nailed the first half of the math tests, flunked the other half, because I had not gotten to study that and my calculator died…
When i went back home it was raining, so i decided to cycle home fast. Near my home is a turn where the asphalt changes into bricks. Due to the change of underground and it being wet, my bicycle lost grip and it slipped away from underneath me. Now i have 3 deep wounds on my hand, elbow and knee that needed to get desinfected, which stug like hell. Had to cancel work for tonight and i have a very sore elbow, yet im happy because i didnt flunk the entire mathematics test
I am angry, so I’m gonna vent instead of becoming a ticking time bomb.
I wouldn’t say I’m a germaphobe, but I hate filthy things. My sister asked to put out the trash. I hate that, it makes me gag. I also got to the great surprise that my mom stopped putting bags/sacks in the bin, so now the garbage was loose in there. That meant, that
- It stinks because there are remnants of the
garbage of the last few months
- I had to pull out the garbage with my Bear
hands, because it was stuck
- My mom listened to another idea from my
stepdad to make life “easier”
The dumpster is under a low tree, (another idea from my stepdad to make life “easier”)it has been raining. The dumpster was slippery. Perfect circumstances for something very comical.
When I emptied the bin in the dumpster, it hit the tree causing me to get water over me. That caused me to release a bit of grip from the bin. The lack of grip caused it to slip, making it fall on the ground spilling under the tree. I had to clean that up, hit tree accidentally, causing water to drip into my buttcrack(I know, not very charming), that caused me to jump up, bumping my head in the tree. Causing a headache and a cold shower.
Writing this down caused me to cheer up, because this gave me a whole different perspective in my head lol, must have looked hilarious
You’ve had a tough day. Hope you can get some rest and the remainder of your exams go well. Hang in there. You’re doing great. One day at a time.
I’m sorry you had such a terrible but comical time getting rid of the trash. On another note, tell your mother not putting a plastic bag into the bin is asking for a huge bacterial buildup. The kind of bacteria that causes, impetigo, staphylococcus, and streptococcus to name a few. In this time of Covid-19 we need to stay as clean and germ free as possible. I hope you took a good hot shower after that mess. That bin needs to be scrubbed out, disinfected, dried and lined with a plastic trash bag at all times.
Concerning your health, keeps an eye out for anything that looks like a blister anywhere on your skin. That would be the start of a bacterial infection. Put Bacitracin on it and get to an emergency medical place for antibiotics. This is no joke. My mother got a staphylococcus infection on her face from a nasty trash can that another tenant fouled up with their weeks old trash, no bag!
I suppose the risk of an infection is even bigger because of the open wound on my hand?
convinced my mom to get bags
Yes, of course!! Soak it in warm soapy water, then pour peroxide into the open wound. Dry well and smear liberally with antibiotic ointment. If it looks worse tomorrow get to a doctor!
I’ve already washed it and cleansed it with pure alcohol, that should do the trick too right?
Good for you! What was she thinking??? That is just so gross. As I read your story I was gagging and I don’t get grossed out very easily.
She wanted to save money, because after a bad divorce, my mom is not really strapped on cash. My stepdad thinks he has great solutions to save money, like not using bin bags, and my mom always agrees, she doesn’t really have her own opinion on things
But she was already considering to get bags, and me starting to bring it up convinced her
Thanks for your good help btw
It’s 11PM where I life, so it’s time for me to go to bed. Tomorrow is my stepdad his birthday.
The nailbiting is improving.
Goodnight all, see you tomorrow
June 12th 2020
Good morning all. I slept in today(that’s what you say when you sleep longer than usual right?). Its my stepdad birthday today, so I think it should be a fun day. I’m planning on studying a big part of the day.
But the last few days show that I am not in control, so I’ll just see how it goes
I did it, I didn’t nailbite for a full day. It gets way easier, because the longer you don’t bite, the fewer dead ends you can finish
A brother of my stepdad showed up as a surprise for his birthday. He is really chill and thought me how to cut vegetables.
I didn’t manage to study a lot, but I’m to blame since I rather read a book
Congrats! So proud of you.
I’ve been having horrible cravings trough out the day. Yesterday I was listening to the news on my radio. The news told that about a new gta being released, i immediately thought they were talking about gta 6, which i had been waiting for for 5 years before i went to rehab. While writing the annoying little shit in my skull told me i should make sure that it really is gta 6. I did. It wasnt about gta 6. but then i saw a link saying there was some legit news about gta 6 and i was curious so i clicked it. At the bottom of a page, there was another link talking about that gta 6 would be different, guess what, i fucking clicked it. Then i saw a picture of a new dlc, that one hit hard, those were the worst cravings i had since the 27th of novembre 3:30AM 2019. I am really upset about this and im kinda thinking about resetting the timer. I will wait with this decision until i am more capable of rational thinking. And i would really appreciate all your opinions on the matter too.
Another thing that really bothered me is that my stepdad is doing really poorly. I hate seeing him suffer, he was in so much pain he wasn’t even able to answer a question.
Also, i barely did any studying, because I wanted to read a book, which i find an unjustified reason. Another reason was because i wanted to socialize with my stepdads family, which i do justify, because isolation was a pretty big problem for me and corona isnt helping.
Something that surprises me is that I barely checked on TS today. The last 20 days i read literally every new post, but now i have unread posts from yesterday.
I decided not to reset, since this was not gaming nor watching videos about gaming. It was however not innocent and still very close to a reset in my opinion.
I am gonna go sleep now, goodnight folks