I hate drug’s, I hate how they wrapped you in their embrace and refused to let go. A monster that lived inside you named addiction, it fed off of you, took from you, controlled you and eventually destroyed you. A beast that tore you apart, ripping out your soul and laughing at your weakness. A stone wall that stood, keeping you in and the rest out. A shadow that always lurked behind you, waiting to strike. And it did strike. Bringing me incomprehensible grief and pain that erupts like a never-ending volcano. One moment I was fine, the next I was on the floor letting out gut wrenching cries, hoping the searing pain from your loss would end.
I have been shown beyond the veil, peering into that hidden dark room. Allowed a glimpse inside pandora’s box. The price? I can’t ever unsee what I have witnessed. Though I long for that unawareness to be returned to me. To be able to go back to a time when I had no idea pain like this existed. Longing to be returned to a time when I didn’t feel I must stand guard, just in case the trapdoor opens beneath my feet.
Life, it has been by far the biggest teacher of all. As I look back trying to put together what it is that life has taught me thus far, I see things clearer. Things I couldn’t see in the thick of it all. ( You DON’T ask a soldier in the midst of battle, what he thinks of war.) Because as we know, those thoughts will never be clear. Yet now as the battle slowly starts to settle, I realize that everything I’ve learned through personal trials in life, has taught me far greater things than every piece of advice I was ever given.
An unfinished life made finished, long before its time. All because of a choice that was made one August morning, an August morning when rationality just couldn’t be bought. Fragile, precious and unpredictable. That’s what this life is. Each day a gift, not a given right. Through this journey I now see others who suffer and immediately I reach out, lending my hands as best I can and in doing so, realization hits me. Realization that humanity in fact, is not that very different after all. Realization that just as love binds us, suffering binds us also and that is why, we must endure both.
