A perfectionist and a drunk!

Im a high functioning alcoholic who wishes I was a high functioning non-alcoholic. I’m at Day 15 today and wondering what is going to happen with my life. I’m married to another high functioning alcoholic who is also trying to break the cycle.
I’m staying positive and really hope I can do this.
16 days ago we both hit rock bottom. There was a late Packer game on Sunday which meant Beers starting at noon doing yard work, wine starting at 3 doing house work, almost out of wine by dinner time thinking about driving drunk to get more so I have some to watch the game. I didn’t realize during my binge that my husband had switched to bourbon. By the time the game started at 7 I was holding his head over a toilet while he threw up. He told me he was a drunk and would die young. That moment makes me cry every time I think about it. Besides the I’m a drunk and dying talk that was a normal Sunday for us for the past 10 years.
I often black out, drink-throw up-drink more, fall down stairs, and just keep drinking. The next day at work Co workers wouldn’t know. I’m one of the top employees at my company. I have held training sessions for 300+ people and received great feedback. However I know the true me, the drunk, the addict. It is like there are 2 people living in my body. The perfectionist and the drunk.


I can relate to this. I’m a high functioning pill addict. Nobody would ever know. I’m on day 8.


People may not know we are addicts, but we know. Our opinion is the one that stays with us and controls our thinking towards ourselves and our outlook on life. I would much rather the world think I’m an alcoholic and live a sober and happy life than the way it is now!


Good luck Karci! We can do this!!

Nicely put!

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Therapy and exercise had helped the perfectionist in me. Also some medication to help ease my anxiety and depression.

I’ve learned that perfectionism often stems from childhood where you learn that if you perform well, you’ll be worthy of love. There’s a lot of studies on it.

I once had a thought, if I’m this good while I’m a high-functioning alcoholic, Imagine how much I would conquer if I was sober. The possibilities excites me! But as any perfectionist, my therapist has told me to focus on the more meaningful things in life - that truly gives me a sense of purpose.

Best of luck


…yes, the future and possibilities excite me too! :facepunch:

I am the same. I know that i am a degenerate alcoholic disaster but no one in work knows. I do very well in work by most peoples standards. I think the private life alcoholic pushes me to outperform at work in order to give my life balance. To make the alcoholic inside me less hateful to the person i am. I am like a liar in work. The perfect work colleague that never puts a foot wrong is just a lie to make myself feel better when i go home and get wasted.

That lie has kept me going. Now i am sober i find it hard to motivate to do well… like a weird contradiction… the sober me could lose his job quicker than the drunk me. What the fucks that about??

I dont know. I am just a dry alcoholic… destined to fuck up again sooner or later.

Good luck to you. And good luck to me. Heaven knows i need it.