TW: mentions of self harm, suicide, abuse, manipulation
About to be day 286 of no self harm. I will get to 286 since that’s like a half hour away, but not feeling too confident about 287.
Here’s the thing. I’m about to be 20, but I have severe chronic pain that leaves me unable to work most jobs that are available to me (retail, fast food, etc) so I live with my parents. I’m trying very hard to find a remote job because I cannot drive.
My mother and sister are so insanely manipulative. My dad is just angry and scary. My sister likes to pretend that she’s a victim when I even look at her wrong. Just now I said “move, please” and she screamed at me to be nice. (She’s 14)
My mom is a full gaslighting manipulative narcissist. She drives me absolutely insane. I can see through her bullshit but I don’t know how to communicate in a way that does not feed the manipulation/anger.
Anyway just had an argument with them and I’m feeling extremely suicidal and really want to self harm. It just sucks. I haven’t been this suicidal in a while. It used to be an everyday thing, but this last year or so it’s rare. But for around the last 2 months or so it seems to come back more and more. I just want to be done.
I feel completely helpless. Everyone says I’m not trying hard enough and I’m being lazy. Literally just taking a shower leaves me completely exhausted. I’m trying so hard to get out of this house but I’m getting nowhere.
I don’t expect anyone to have advice for me. I’m just stuck right now. This is more to get things off my chest I guess
I hear you and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Your struggles are very real and even though I don’t know what you’re going through, I know that you deserve the best of your life. You can do this!
I have had suicidal thoughts and even one half hearted cowardly attempt that thankfully left me scared but whole. I am so glad that I didn’t have it in me to go all the way - my life has become so much better.
We can’t see the future and sometimes we will despair while we can’t see the way out. But we are evolved to adapt and overcome and you are stronger than you think! You can do this!
You are always welcome here. My heart goes out to you
Id put this down to hormones, and just being a teenager
I hope you start to feel better, may i suggest if your not already as i dont know much of your story (you may already be receiving help) speak to your dr/therapist and see what helps available, from my own experience still ongoing i am receiving help and asking for it was very hard, but nothing like i imagined, i thought id be locked up but i wasnt, just given support and help.
Your doing so well, Family can be tough, as much as they think they know or think they are helping sometimes they just dont realise what were going through so they cant relate or act appropriately, talking to someone who is not family may help too.
Im glad you reached out here and thank you for sharing what your going through. If you feel you may relapse and your already having thoughts now would be a great time to look at your crisis plan and work on that before the thoughts overwhelm you.
286 days is great and whatever you have been doing is working for you, dont give up please your worth so much xx
Thank you. I’m in therapy, I’m just very careful about what I say to my therapist. She’s great, but I’ve been put into a psych ward over pretty much nothing before. And then when I truly needed help, no one believed me. I actually don’t have a crisis plan at the moment, I kinda forgot about that. I’m going to make one now though. Thanks for you support
I’ve had a few serious attempts along with a few half hearted ones , and yeah it’s terrifying. I’m sorry you had that experience, but I’m glad it scared you enough to change your mind. No one should ever have to get to that point, but sometimes you need a scare like that. Thank you for your support. It really does mean a lot
I have hypothyroidism. I get my blood checked every 2 months or so to make sure my medication has gotten things stable. It has been lately. Thank you though. When my thyroid is off I do definitely feel a lot worse. It’s definitely something people should be aware of
I’m in therapy, I’m just very careful about what I say to my therapist. She’s great, but I’ve been put into a psych ward over pretty much nothing before. And then when I truly needed help, no one believed me. I actually don’t have a crisis plan at the moment, I kinda forgot about that. I’m going to make one now though. Thanks for you support