Im sad, not just a little, but alot, not only this minut, but every second…
The last many days has not been great at all. I keep thinking of/dreaming of, how good life used to be. Back then i thought my life wasnt good, but sitting here looking back, i at least had friends, where intelligent, where liked, where loved. Where able to enjoy the sun and even smile, when seeing a beautiful flower.
Now i wake up bearly able to smile to my bf, when he is smiling to me. Getting a daily comment being: “why do you look so sad”. I have no one but him and ofcourse my mum, dad and brother. But friends i dont have any. I might have one left, maybe two. Just lost another two because i wrote a message saying: that i would appreciate not getting snaps and so of people that i used to be friends with and them having a great time and not being invited or being a part of it, because it makes me sad not being a part of it. But that i would love to be a part of their life if i could be a part of it all. No answer, but just unfriended on Facebook, says it all doesnt it.
Im not sure i have anything to fight for anymore. I dont feel i have a life worth living. Who wants to life a life without friendsship, happiness and just being sad all the time.
Sometimes i wish my bf would leave me (Ofcourse i dont! but hope you know what i mean), he is not deserving being with one not being able to smile, not being able to show happiness. He is the only one i have back and i just think me being like this will only push him away and i will end up loosing him to if i dont change very soon.
Right now life sucks and its natural to feel sad about “a life lost”
The freindships you make in the future will be stronger as they wont be based on getting drunk/high/whatever together.
Getting Sober is tough on exsisting friendships as they see a poor reflection of themselves in your sobriety.
Stay strong life will get better, the sun will rise again.
Thx for answering. I know, but i cant see how i will get a life worth living again. Who would like to live a life just surviving, we only have this one life.
You’re where you are supposed to be, doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
It can all feel very bleak if that’s where you put your focus.
Nothing is ruined, it’s just time for a new chapter in your book.
Have you tried meditation? Meditation and meetings were a great source of gratitude for me, when I was able to spotlight the small stuff, the ho hum stuff of sober life, it made me feel accomplished. Because in fact I was accomplishing what I had set out to do which was a stark difference from David the drunk.
Much to be thankful, all you gotta do is look for it
It can be hard to see, but you can rebuild.
The easiest thing in the world now would be to just start drinking (im not sure of your doc) with them again.
But by staying strong you will weather this storm and the sun rise will be worth the wait. I promise.
Its not that i feel for drinking at all. I just want the old life back, not the drinking, but the people. Alcohol is my doc. Actually having a message from a friends once in awhile. Now the only thing i get is spam mails or a phonecall from my mum. Otherwise my phone is silent.
This is just how i feel now and have felt quiet awhile. Soon 30 yrs old and a not able to see anything good. Meditation i have tried, but havent given me anything really, tried mindfullness to, but i cant seem to make it work for me. But thanks for taking your time to answer me.
I just want to change this unhappiness so i dont push the last person i have away to.
Honey I have felt exactly like you have soooo many times before… suffered with depression badly and it’s hard but I’m finding myself out that dark horrible and lonely place day by day and it’s getting easier, I’ll help and be a friend, I’ve done exactly the same in the past and pushed a lot of people out my life but sometimes for good reason, you are transforming as a person this is what depression is… you are unhappy with your life situation as it’s stands but it will change and it’s necessary for you to grow as a person… it may not feel like that right now but believe me it’s true. I’m new to this app as been on another platform so not sure if you can message each other directly on here, but feel free to contact me if you’d like to chat? Sending you a big hug
Once you had a life of slavery. Chains of gold are still chains. You lived in a made up world, where escapism was seen as a good thing. You were Neo from the Matrix, before being offered the blue and red pill.
Now you are in that transitional world. You’ve thrown off the chains of gold, but have yet to learn how to live, without them. That’s OK. It’s natural.
What helped me was to remember there were times in my life where I had been perfectly happy without drugs or alcohol. As a child, before teen experiences with booze and drugs. In my 20’s, when I decided that I wasn’t going to drink, even though it was acceptable for servicemen to drink.
Now here I am in my 50’s, almost 2.5 years sober. Each time I changed my life, it involved a period of adjustment. The world around me hadn’t changed. I changed me. I decided to be free. A mental choice, and then I adjusted to it.
Once we get through the physical withdrawal, sobriety is 100% a fight in our own minds. As long as you look at sobriety as losing something, you will feel the loss. But, when you learn to look at sobriety in terms of freedom, and begin to exercise that freedom, you will see that you haven’t lost anything. You’ve gained everything.
This “in between” lifestyle is really messy. Especially now in a time where our lives have been turned upside down for reasons outside trying to get a hold on our addiction. It sounds like you are almost grieving for your old life (minus alcohol). That sounds like a pretty normal reaction, to me anyway. But do you think the old life would trigger you? I think about friends I’ve left behind because the lifestyle they were leading wasn’t good for me. I wish them all well, and it hurt to let them go at the time, but I am better without their influence in my life. Your boyfriend sounds like he is being patient as you are on this journey, but maybe isnt understanding the depth of the changes you are making (for the better). If you are really struggling, there is no harm in reaching out to talk to a professional. I have been lucky to find a psychologist that I really click with, which has helped to normalize some of what I’ve experienced from the mental health side (anxiety, depression).
You are probably right Stevie, but its actually not the drinking part that i miss at all. Its mostly friends, being happy and showing people that i love that i actually do love them, because i do love them and im affraid that my unhappiness will push them away to.
Right. Unhappiness. What are you unhappy about? Not feeling like you can fully participate in their happiness, because you no longer drink? This is a struggle with perspective, as I mentioned previously. Change your perspective, and everything else, changes. A better you can be a better friend, a better mate. Better begins with sober, for people like us.
Yes i am grieving. And maybe the old friendship will trigger something i dont know dear and i know letting go or be left hurts and thats why im evenmore affraid to loose my bf right now. That would be the last kick in the wrong direction. I have been talking to professionals before and that has helped, but in my country you only have a surden amount of professional sessions and then it ends. Because you need to be able to do without.
No im unhappy that i cant be happy and not give my boyfriend a smile and show him that i love him and that he makes me happy. Because right now he feels like he doesnt make me happy
Hi
Its completely normal what you are going through.
I just remember the times-
Ive passed out
Felt like crap next morning
Skipped work or barely made it through the day coz of kingsize hangover
Puking and then cleaning the mess
Not keeping a check on the wallet
Abusive personality with near ones after being drunk
Bar brawls or road rage
Those friends were not thr to take care of me back then, I rather break ties and look for a friend in need!!
Ohh i think i need to be more clear in my post. This post isnt about drinking. Its about missing people and being affraid of being left because im enabled to show my bf im happy and that he makes me happy. Because not being able to show that will only push him away to.
Its not that i dont say i love him or not its more that i look sad all the times, thats what my bf says. And if i walk around and look sad all the time he doesnt think his making me happy. I know i cant run around with a smile on my face all the time. Im affraid that he will look for someone else if i keep looking like the end of the world.
