What if i was different
What if i never changed anything
What if i continuously never stopped being so addicted to anger
The thought
What if i never changed and stayed continuously angry at the world for no reason
What if my intentions were bad and not good 100% of the time
What would be?
This is a pointless thought beyond anyones control so i must let it be with my higher power
The richous question of what if
What if?
Hounestly the only thing i picture is destruction to paint the image of the question, what if
Dude my amazing new friend, you just understanding and ALSO adding on to this gives me hope in humanity
All i want is for people to know and not fear the truth
For exp
Im going for a ride in my car, ill talk tou you later, if i survive tge car ride home
Not something to casually say
But
The fact is, that i may not wake up tomorrow
To know this and not be scared and face it is so freeing ifvyou ever see me in public i tell every stanger i talk to “how are you, stay brave”
I had to learn to to be brsve by myself
Which
Was the scariest thing i had to face.
I knew how to be brave
I didnt know i had to
Man, thank you for helping me say this and even show me your view, because the different level in knowlage is why the world sucks
People must speak and always use there opinion, i believe. Which may not be right but to me, it is in my opinion
Have a good day everyone lol god damn
I look forward to celebrating you 600 days tomorrow @Noshame
Damn 600 days
Nothing but coffee and phyc meds
Turns out sobriety is a freakin fradgil thing. Got to do it for ourselves
And along with that for long term goals we need constant reminders. Id rather reminderes then a motavation at this point at the moment
I can take a heated arugument now
I can make mistakes
But god help us fisher, if we pick up a damn beer, i hounestly dont think the tree from the planted seed will fall, insted our sober_journy tree would become dry and may still be there, including dieing slowly with no love and water, along with everything we have morals for
You my friend i have kept up with. I love that your a fisherman. Thats something i havnt ever experienced and the shtuff you have to mustle through, let alone the time, must be exhilarating.
Id rather be a sober adult then a drunk teen anyday
In 33hours and 39min ill be 600days 
Its starting to hit me how hardcore this journy is
Damn
I can work a 12 hour day and not a sip of beer or even a puff of pot. Not even nicotine for over 600days
My sober day is sep12th 2024 12am
The last time i got high was sept11th 2024 on my moms birthday and i didnt even know it was her birthday
I will be celebrating your victories! 
I cant answer what ifs for you but what if I never quit? Id be dead. I didnt have much time left if I kept doing what I was doing.
If i never quit i just.. man id be homeless right now no doubt
With my wife and baby boy withoit me
If i never quit more lives other then just mine would be difficult
Its sad you you didnt know it was your moms birthday.
Its turned into being really cool that your mom birthday has something extra to celebrate
Thats what the obsession did to me
Nothing stopped me, except myself.
Yesterday i had a issue
I got in my own head and thought if no1 cared, i should smoke a thc dab pen.
One thought i had. No1 cared so why continue
Then i eventually got a slap in the face back to reality. I had the pen in my hand. I smelt the oil.
I forgot to do it for me
Real life raw
If i picked up , my coin would mean nothing
I did not pick up
Im glad you didnt pick up.
I made that mistake with a lot of sober time. It was harder to come back than I imagined it would be.
Thats one thing i have yet to do. I havd nevef picked up after a long run sober “this current sober streak”
I imagine if i did i would know what im doing wrong and that would just shadow me. A part of me is very terrified to ever pick up.
The physical anxiety i feel when i crave, not withdrawal, just want to escape the norm, can actually be dizzying. Whenever im under severe stress, like anger or symptoms of my mental illness i can get dizzy. I think its my meds. I get it when i just may simply want to blaze up.
Yesterday was a close to a bad choice and that close call lingered in my anxiety for a good few hours. I just refuse it and i learn more when i refuse picking up on how not to pick up, everytime.
Looking back
That choice would have been bad
That coin has close birthstones representation of close people including my sober date. What do i do with a relaps coin? The coin is good physical material but a heavy reminder
I wear a 24hour brass coin on a chain around me that i fidget a lot everyday
This is your best sobriety date. Dont ever let it go.
You will never have a better sobriety date than you have now.
Things get worse for us if we pick up.
Im glad your doing better today.
As someone who is trying to simply do 30 days sober, then see where I’m at, this just gave me chills. Feel like I’m gonna vomit almost
Surrendering is hard. Nobody likes to admit defeat. Alcohol gave me everything, then took it all away. I tried taking breaks. It only got worse each time I tried again.
Hopefully your 30 day break is so good you dont want to go back.
My original one year coin. I picked this up in 2003.
I wish i still had that sobriety date 1-10-2002.
Id be an old timer but i thought i was bored and could drink like a gentleman.
I was wrong. I was a miserable drunk for ten more years.
I remeber when i was in and out of sobriety, like water and piss lol i had absolutely nothing
I had to learn how to walk while sober
I was very stumbly
How did i learn how to get to this 599 days without even nic or thc or cbd or drinks. Or purposely being roofed
How did i get to 599 days right now?
Day 0 (600 days ago tonight)
I threw all the substances away
Like flush cuz god knows id dig through the public trashcan to find my stash
Day 1 counter starting at 12am sober 599 days go i just refused to pick up. I got through the obstacles sober that came during that day
Day 2
I learned from day 1 and continued and got through lifes obstacle and learned how to get through them sober
Day 3
I reapeated my new skills from day 1 and 2 and figured i may be able to not pick up
I continue to learn how to stay sober through every moment i go through sober.
Its like facing your demonds; a long painful process but if you dont tie them back on, you will never need to go through that process again
Getting sober is simple
Getting sober is difficult
Getting sober is worth it
