Oh, my. The spiral down was vicious, but the slower spiral up is glorious. I could never tell which came first: the alcoholic / Al-Anon behavior, or the mutually poor relationships? Did the relationships drive me to drink? Why couldn’t I step away? That part of the steps, where we write ideals, and then take responsibility for becoming the person who attracts rather than promotes the relationships we deserve…I’m just beginning this work, and it is eye-opening!
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Whoops, I skipped a week while I was celebrating my brother’s birthday last Monday. So now this week we start one of my favorite chapters, “Into Action”. 
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For me, getting honest was hard. I hadn’t really been truly honest with myself, let alone with others. But that was also the most freeing thing I ever did. When I could openly and honestly look at me, my actions, my thoughts, my beliefs and see how ALL of those could change-that is when the door to true transformation opened. When I was too busy denying what was really going on, my world got smaller & more miserable.
Being honest with someone who in recovery who has walked this same path gave me a perspective no therapist ever did. When they spoke my same language, I heard it differently and really got to reframe things.
To this day, I still have to be honest and call my sponsor. I just did this yesterday. I have to own where I am at and sometimes talk through the actions I want to take before I actually do. This prevents me from adding to my amends work later. I am grateful for the pause, for honesty, for this program of action and new way of life as well as those who walk with me in it. It works if I continue to work it, and we are never truly in it alone. 
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Thanks Mandi! 
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I wish I had done this step while my parents were still alive. My father died young, before I ever drank or used, and my mother died later. This step brought up so many questions, and also many answers, about my part in everything. Now, I hope I have enough time, with distant siblings and their kids, to leave my side of the shared family sidewalk clean. And maybe a little less mysterious.
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I love this section of the book. I did my first 5th step with a fellow medical provider bc of confidentiality, and it was indeed freeing. The work on character defects continues. These were embedded at an early age, for my own protection, and they are remarkably durable. Keeping in mind that it is an exercise just to become willing to let these go - on a good day, I remind myself of this! I know that I have a more thorough step 4 / 5 coming, sort of like: Now I’ve swept, next I’ll mop. Idk if this is a way to work a program properly, but so far it’s working for me, and I remain willing to do whatever it takes not to drift backwards.
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For me, I found doing this step with my sponsor to be invaluable. The amount of insight I gained by working with someone who is not only an alcholic and works this program, but who has had their own experiences that enhances their knowledge to impart their wisdom on me was incredible. She spoke the same language as I did, she got it in a way that for me just getting it off my chest to someone who didn’t walk in these shoes likely wouldn’t have sufficed. As I told my story, she helped me see things in a whole new light-one my own brain wasn’t wired to see yet. After having this step done, I can’t even tell you how much lighter I felt. My secrets kept me sick. But so did my twisted mindset and thinking. I’m SO grateful for the innumerable gifts this program has brought into my life.
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For me, reading this chapter tonight correlates to me sharing my thoughts on what I’m reading. Some weeks, I just post the reading and do no reflecting on it. When I do so, am I being of maximum service? No. What I take from these pages may just help a fellow in recovery. I’m always fascinated with what these readings can bring up in me by a few particular lines standing out within the reading.
Another thing I am reminded of, these steps have kept me humbled and on my own side of the street. When I make an amends, their side has absolutely no bearing on what I am doing to clean the wreckage of my past. Ultimately, my actions were fully on me. And I have to not only own that, but be willing to say that out loud and make some hard amends with people. I used to think it was enough to know, but in working this program the real results come from the doing. I appreciate this into action chapter because this is what I needed most in my life. Better actions for better results
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Well summarized and stated Mandi. Thank you!
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