Chapter 3 convinced me that I was a real alcoholic, but I needed to read it multiple times to grasp the gravity of this disease. My tricky addict brain actually had me believing that I could go back to drinking like a normie after a period of abstinence. I’d take breaks for months and even up to a year, but every single time I went back, I was worse off. I think I’m a fairly intelligent person, but not when it comes to this disease. I had to learn about the progression in the rooms of AA.
Drinking during business hours was on my “never” list. Not wanting to jeopardize my livelihood, I never drank at business meetings, lunches, or holiday parties. My flawless public façade masked my private despair. My employer never knew what I was doing on my personal time. I hid it well until I didn’t.
That “never” finally happened. I was having an extremely stressful day at the office and instead of turning to normal coping skills, I turned to alcohol. I went out to a local liquor store by myself at lunch, chugged a bottle of vodka in my car and attempted to drive back to the office. Needless to say, I didn’t make it back. I was only a few blocks away; my phone fell while taking a sharp curve and I reached to get it. All it took was that split second (probably longer due to my alcohol induced slow reaction) and I hit an electrical pole, totaling my car. Completely humiliated, I was hauled off to police headquarters. To make matters worse, the officer took my cell phone and called my boss. Ugh! There goes that proper employee who seemed to have her shit together. Anyway, my boss refused to take responsibility for my actions over the next 24 hours, so didn’t come to my rescue and my job was in jeopardy.
Thankfully, I didn’t kill anyone that day and it was a huge wake up call. My employer gave me an ultimatum; get help or sever our relationship. I almost chose alcohol over my livelihood. That’s the crazy alcoholic mind thinking right there. Ultimately, I did the right thing and chose help. Once in outpatient treatment, my toxic work environment became crystal clear, and I left that employer a month after my accident. My higher power did for me what I couldn’t do for myself with both alcohol (drugs too) and employment.
This may sound crazy, but I’m grateful for the events leading up to treatment. If that DUI didn’t happen, I would probably be homeless or dead by now. Instead, I’m excelling in a new career, living a happy, joyous, and free life. Don’t get me wrong, sobriety is not always rainbows and butterflies, but now I have the coping skills to face all of life’s challenges sober.
Apologies for going off topic with a condensed version of my story.
I did want to mention that the AA meetings I attend virtually include “more about alcoholism” in their readings. It’s the first 2 pages of chapter 3 and it’s read in place of “how it works”. Whoever volunteers to read has a choice between those two. At first, I always chose How it works because I know it well, but now I’m choosing more about alcoholism because I need that reminder.