I have a question to ask and I’m hoping to get some advice.
I have an online meeting I regularly attend and have since December, so almost a year now.
The chair person of this meeting is a traveling nurse and I adore her, but the last several months she regularly can’t attend the meeting.
It was once a month in March, April, May & June. Then July came and she missed the whole month except 1 meeting. One in August. Then last week and now this week.
When she can’t make it, she’s only asking 3 of us in a group text chat to cover with 24 hour notice, at best. 1 out of us 3 is doing the screen sharing too for our readings and 1 is usually doing room security & AA postings.
Each of us 3 girls she messages have also had our own various challenges too lately, so there’s times now where we can’t step up to chair. We have all done what we can to be of service this year but it’s pretty clear this method really isn’t working. It’s kind of like the perfect storm at the moment where it feels like it’s unraveling and something needs to change because leaving it to chance just isn’t working anymore.
How do your groups handle this when the chair isn’t able to chair? Is there a protocol set of who gets asked to step up when the chair can’t make it? And at what point would a group look at getting a new chair? And what does that look like for you?
My sponsor suggested I bring this up at a business meeting, and I think that’s a great idea. But before that meeting at the end of next month, I’m curious how other groups would handle this.
Thank you all for any insight you have to offer as this is a first for me and very unfamiliar territory.
Hello there, maybe not a perfect solution but I know at my old home group we used to have a schedule for chairs and people would rotate. So you would sign up to do so, and that way it wasnt ever on all one person. And then of course there would be times where things come up and someone covers, and if no chair is there someone at the meeting just volunteers. I know thisvis online, but it sounds like this chair has a lot going on and perhaps a standing rotation would be helpful or a sign up sheet.
That’s a lot to continously put on the same 3 people. I do service at 3 different ladies meetings and all handle the chair the same way. We rotate every 3 months. When that 3 months is coming to an end, it’s announced and someone else volunteers. If someone can only do a month or 2, that’s ok, every little bit helps. If the chair can’t make it last minute, they call someone to fill in.
I hope you find a solution, Mandi.
Thank you!! I know all the meetings in this circut only have one chair each and they tend to stick around forever, but I LOVE the idea of people taking turns. I think if it was something that could be planned ahead, it would be far easier on everyone. And, basically anyone in the entire group could volunteer for the positions. I appreciate the input!
Hello Mandi!
In my home group, we rely on the group conscience for deciding how the group will be run. We schedule chairs one week at a time in our monthly business meeting.
There is a fellow who has been setting up the chairs and books and making the coffee for like 4 years now (three days a week), and it bugs me that we in the group allow him to continue to do this. I don’t know how to bring it up, but it’s not good for the group to just assume the meeting will assemble itself each morning, and it’s probably not good for him. This is a service position, and the AA experience in tens of thousands of groups for 9 decades now is that service positions should rotate so that everyone gets a chance to contribute and to be of service.
I was really hoping you’d chime in here as I knew you’d have some wisdom to impart on me. Thank you my friend!
I absolutely understand that thought and that was something that played into my mind here too. Service positions in zoom are limited, I feel like sharing would give an opportunity for others to contribute if it rotates.
It’s also really hard on one person to feel like they have to hold it all together-whether they show it or not. Yes, it may keep us sober-but it can also keep us complacent. Which, for myself, is never a good place to be in my recovery.
I appreciate all the insight I’m getting, thank you guys! This also helps my approach in addressing it as I’ve practiced the pause for now.
If I am able to attend a meeting regularly, and I notice the chair is inconsistent, I usually will chair the meeting. If you have a large number of people attending, someone should always be willing to be of service. My last meeting I chaired every Sunday for about 3 years, in my last 3 months there I missed maybe 5 Sundays and just stopped chairing. What I have learned in recovery is that it is all about getting out of my comfort zone, and sometimes that means confronting issues head on. I loved chairing that meeting, but I also have to grow in my recovery, and I guess it was my higher powers way of letting me know I had to move on. I found a new meeting and wished them the best at my old home group. There were no hard feelings. At times I have to go back to basics and realize that although we in recovery work together and help each other, it is a selfish program. If this chair issue is pulling you away from the goal, which is to not pick up, then meditate on it I guess , I hope this helps I wasn’t trying to be brash.
I’m not sure about online meetings but my in person meeting we’ll have a group conscious meeting once a month where we’ll talk about who’s chairing the meetings and we’ll do it for a few months in advance we also talk about other stuff like what you are talking about but you also need a few other people to share the service with like I’ll do a month of doing one meeting a week and then I might not do it again for 6 or 7 months, it’s very important giving service but you still need time too to relax and take everything in and enjoy the meeting
Everyone has stuff going on in the life good and bad I got a call an hour before a meeting once theses things happen and maybe your friend needs to say that she can’t commit to service at the moment and that’s ok , anyway I hope you get something sorted but my advice is to ask for a few more volunteers so you all can get the goodness of of the meetings too
It’s a small group of 8-10 women usually per week, and likely the 3 of us asked as we are always helping and being of service in any way we can. I would love for others to have that opportunity too, but that will ultimately be a business meeting/GC decision.
My sponsor pointed out to me that there’s many other womens meetings too, so my HP may just be telling me something. My discomfort is always an opportunity for growth and I can see many different ways that could play out in this scenario.
I agree, I think a few more volunteers would help quite a bit right now where we need 3 of us to run the meeting so if only 4 of us are juggling it all and 2 are out that week-it’s becoming difficult to navigate regularly right now.
I love the idea of taking turns! I think that would help the current chair not feel so much pressure too where she’s been running that day for a long time and it’s a struggle for her with her work schedule this year.
These are all great suggestions and I really enjoy seeing how your meetings are run.
Dont know about online meetings but at FTF everyone in the group takes a turn at doing different service work . at the monthly group meeting were the services are discussed.
Thank you Ray, I appreciate that insight! I do think we need more rotation.
I think everyone is feeling the energy of things not flowing very well as only 3 people attended last night. I’ve been noticing a steady decline in attendance, so hopefully things can be changed up for the better.
I haven’t approached any of my sober sisters about this at all but I will after another conversation with my sponsor. I don’t want to have to add to my step work but a conversation does need to be held.
Whelp…this reading agreed with my sponsor today lol.
Live and let live.
My desire to have a conversation to correct what “I” see as an issue is me inserting my nose into things I can’t and have no business trying to control. Hellllo ego.
I haven’t been asked for my opinion. Yet I sure want to give it! But, I haven’t said anything or taken any actions I need to make an amends for so I dont need to add to my stepwork today.
This is why I practice the pause, have a sponsor and other alcoholics that aren’t close to the situation.
While I do think that a change would be great for everyone, my HP is telling me that what is, isn’t working for me. I get to practice acceptance. I’m getting complacent in my recovery by trying to stick with this, so I also am getting an opportunity to expand, change and try something new.
So, yet again, I’m grateful for the discomfort and for other alcoholics who continue to show me how to live in better ways today. Thank you all!
, I hope this helps I wasn’t trying to be brash.
you get something sorted but my advice is to ask for a few more volunteers so you all can get the goodness of of the meetings too
But, I haven’t said anything or taken any actions I need to make an amends for so I dont need to add to my stepwork today. 