I never did go through the 12 steps. But i can tell you that I used to be an atheist. I stayed sober as an atheist for about 3 months. That was the best I could do. I also had trouble with the logical inconsistencies in the bible. But i had, for lack of a better word, a personal revelation. After i started going to church, I have stayed sober from meth and heroin for about 470 days.
All i know is that i had been trying to get and stay sober for years, but my reasons and methods never worked or lasted. But believing in God did.
This is a common question (and sticking point) for a lot of people pondering AA. A couple old threads listed under the AA tag have s’more reflections you might find useful:
Hi, I’m an Atheist. Clean from meth 14 yrs, sober 35 days. Believing in myself got me recently sober. Holding myself personally responsible is helping me conquer the hard days. My accomplishments are mine, as are my failures.
Forgive me, but I could never understand why people who rely on a higher power give the higher power so much credit, but don’t blame the higher power for a relapsing?
Yeah theres alot if back and forth with religion im just not sold on it. I cant say its not real because who knows. But today is the meeting so wish me luck. Ill update with how it goes. This will be the hardest day yet for me and my sobriety. Im thinking of taking myself to dinner tonight after the meeting but ill have to see if the temptiation is to great to order a drink with dinner. I usually sit at the bar so maybe getting a booth to myself would be better.
Glad you are going. The hardest part is walking through the door. Once you’re in, it gets easier. Just get your butt in a seat and the members will take care of you. If you can, find the courage to raise your hand and say you are newly sober. You’ll be amazed at the response and encouragement you’ll get as a result!
Also, a big part of AA is the Fellowship. I’ve found the best parts of the meeting to be talking before and after the meeting - its nice to spend time with others with our mutual problem (kinda like here on TS!) So I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a gathering after the meeting where you wouldn’t be alone for dinner.
Looking forward to hear how it goes. We’re rooting for you!!
This, I’m not a believer in God or HP or any of it, but AA insists you need a higher power that will help you with your problems, I’m not a believer in prayer or Devine intervention,
If there is some Devine intervention, why do I have to deal with so much bs?
I’ve resisted in weighing in because I do believe in God and his miracles. I never use to. I too am a recovering Catholic and turned, I guess agnostic, although it was easier for me to just say I was an atheist.
However we decide to go on the journey. I believe addiction is way too powerful, for me anyway. I kept and open mind. I had to. Both my children are in recovery. I had to be open to all possibilities. And I fully believe God has given my whole family the miracle of recovery.
I’m just saying it helps to have an open mind to any and all possibilities when approaching recovery.
I think the higher power as “God” can be useful for people who like to externalise their thinking. I am not a 12 step follower but when I was I found it useful to think of it as internal - a better more authentic future self that is already within me.
Right, I couldn’t agree more. I can’t wrap my head around any of it. The only logical explanation for me is there’s not one. But, on the other hand I understand to a degree how it works for others and I am hesitant to say anything because I don’t want to take away what works for them. Atheist are already very misunderstood.
I am an empath. 20 years ago, well before I identified as an atheist or even knew what the word atheist ment, I’d go to AA meetings and leave feeling worse than I did before I got there. Hearing all the struggles of everyone was emotionally draining for me personally. Several times I went to a bar after, because drinking was my coping mechanism for what I could not process. I had to learn as a child of an alcoholic that I didn’t have the coping skills of someone who didn’t grow up in an alcoholic home. I totally understand how it works for believers versus non believers now. I’m always scared to share, because I don’t want to offend anyone or be disliked for my differences. Sobiety is about finding what works on an individual basis.
If I can accept and believe there’s a 1 in a million chance that there’s some higher being out there that wants to help me, then my foot is in the door for Step 2
For me, I always believed that there were beings more powerful than myself, but I didn’t believe they cared about me or were neccesarily benevolent. Having a sponser walk me through the Step 2 chapter of the AA 12 and 12 really helped me clarify and solidify my own understanding of what I wanted my HP to be. She would always say, “if you don’t like your HP today you can always borrow mine”
I also muddled through somehow despite being agnostic.
I decided my higher power was the passing of time, the connections between people.
I can’t get on board with the idea that the hp can take my defects away because it is not conscious being. But by focusing on my idea of hp the defects may dissipate naturally.
And in the end I accepted that I don’t know anything absolutely, and I think the step talks about willingness to do rather than definitely doing.
And even if you don’t do the step 100% that is ok.
Something keeps me sober and on the right path. That’s all I really need to know. When I tried to do things my way the best I could do was about 60 days. After my third rehab I got down on my hands and knees and begged for help. I’ve not had any occasion where picking back up has been an option. For me being open minded to the possibility of God was all I needed. I was so desperate I would have believed in anything if I thought it might keep me sober
I’ve been thinking about this post a little more…and I wanted to share my “ah-ha” moment. It was in a meeting discussing step 2. We took turns reading from the 12 and 12. (I hope the photos post in the correct order)
It was when I read out loud the line “it wasn’t AA that had the closed mind, it was me” that I just stopped in my tracks. It was a wake up call. I didn’t need to become a born again Christian, I just needed to trust that the people in the program had more experience and knowledge than I do. I decided to go with it…and I’m still sober after 2 plus years!!
