I see that this topic has come up before in multiple years but let’s give it a go.
I’ll preface this by saying I know that’s it a sensitive topic and nothing in this topic is me advocating or discouraging, just a topic of conversation.
I sometimes find myself considering moderation as a potential option. My thought process behind it being that if ‘normal’ people can enjoy a beer everyone now and again or once, twice a week then what is the harm in me doing the same?
This is when I look back to the times that i’ve tried to moderate. It goes from one night to two nights, to five days in a row with 1 or 2 days break and then back on the drink train.
There was a time where I would try to develop complex systems - 1 day on, 1 day off, 1 day on, 2 days off, 1 day on 3 days off… which ultimately lead to failure I’m sure you will not be shocked to know because the 1 day become 2 and then become 3 and then the system became even more complex.
Then my caveman brain tried to turn quitting into: 1 week off, 1 day on, 1 week off…but after the 1 day on after a week off, it felt like I had progressed 1 week and then went back 3-4 days. If I continued this process, I’d be making advances of 1-2 days per a week and be constantly in a cycle of being set back. So that has also gone out of the window and I’m no longer looking for a quick fix or a quick way to get back to the bottle…but for those who have done this longer than I, do you ever feel in a comfortable enough state to try to moderate, or is it similar to my story that it just doesn’t work no matter how far you go because our brains have been miswired to turn it into an excuse making process…
So, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I’m far away from even considering this again. No more compromises which lead to dumb deals with the devil.
I’ve been in that situation of trying to moderate my drinking 4 or 5 times now.
Same cirlcle every time. Sure the last 2 periods of moderating have been relatively longer than the first.
But no matter how hard I tried… it went from “No I will only have 1 or 2 drinks on occaisions or events” to “oh man what a nice saturday, let’s go out for 1 beer”.
Eventually that pattern evolved in to drinking every weekend, ruining my girlfriends birthday and last mothersday because I drank to much, had to vomit and couldn’t take care of my daughter anymore…
The last few days/week before I got back on the app I drank to shut my feelings down again. Something I hadn’t done in a long time.
For me moderation will never work.
Now I’m on day 3 and for the first time ever admited to myself that I am powerless over alcohol.
I too tried every one of these ideas. I had calendars and complex marker systems. Every single system failed and then Covid came and I fell down a very damaging rabbit hole.
In hindsight it was just madness. Took so much effort and energy to ration something which was just doing me harm.
I have found peace with the fact that drinking is not a “normal” thing to do. Not for me, not for anyone, but I realise it now, even if not everyone thinks the same way.
Nope. And I don’t want to. I can still remember the ugly things alcohol brought into my life. And I never want to go back to this. And reading your moderation plan which probably everyone here tried is already exhausting.
Relatable. I feel like I’ve been on the moderation train for years. Meaning, drinking regularly and telling myself I really should start moderation tomorrow.
Yup, tomorrow Im going to wake up with Spartan-like discipline and plan a weekly drinking allowance schedule.
It’s honestly easier to just do something else with my time off.
I think towards the end of my relationship with alcohol I was trying moderation without really knowing I was. I would drink and then I wouldn’t. Every time I drank, I drank more than the last time. The black outs were worse and so forth.
Moderation has never been in consideration for me because I know if I have one drink I will end up deep in a fifth. I’ve seen it said around here- 1 drink is never enough so I just steer clear of that one drink.
I think “normal” drinkers don’t think about things like moderation. They don’t come up with systems of when to drink and when not to. They don’t crave alcohol. They just have a casual drink occasionally. That will never be me and I’m grateful to know that because it stops the cycle I use to be in
Nobody who actually can moderate needs that sort of discipline. They simply do moderate. That’s because they don’t have a problem with drink or drugs. Us here all do have a problem or we wouldn’t be here. And because we have a problem we can’t moderate. In the six years I’m sober and clean I’ve seen countless people try. And none do it. Absolutely no one.
So this has been a huge thing for me, but not with alcohol. I’m usually solid there as it’s been years. But pain meds are another story. I used to say only when the pain was too bad to take or I would “try” everything else first. I have lupus and rheumatoid so pain is the norm. I just gave up a butt ton of time I had because of a minimal flare up that Tylenol could have fixed. I just have to remember I’m not normal and moderation is not an option Just my 2 cents
Honestly, I appreciate those who go out and try to moderate because not a single person on this forum has ever done it successfully. They all thought they were the exception to the rule. And then prove they were not. Without fail, 100% of the time, moderation was not possible, but occasionally we all need the reminder.
If it were possible for you to moderate you would already be doing it. But you’re here which (looking at the stats above) should tell you everything you need to know.
Probably every person on this forum has tried and failed at Moderation at one point or another which is why you always find everyone responding with abstinence is the only option. I look back and laugh at all the silly rules I used to make up for myself and could never follow through with them or at least not for very long. I also sometimes think that 1 drink would be nice but then remind myself I don’t think I ever since I first tried alcohol at the age of 14 have succeeded at just having 1. These thoughts are just the addicts minds way of trying to suck you back in.
My story is eerily similar to yours. Some switch got turned off/on in my brain and can never be a “normal” drinker again. I can’t moderate. I won’t try again because I don’t have another recovery in me.
This is a great way of putting it. I do not have a problem with alcohol and I do not have to moderate. Moderation is something I do not have to do or even consider with stuff I do not have a problem with.
Food, sugar, UPFs, that’s another story. I have no idea how to moderate those. So I am not even trying any more. I just gave up. I don’t ever touch that stuff.
Answer is simple for me. I never managed to moderate. In the times n between my brain was wrestling with thoughts like: can I drink again? Have I deserved it? Why did I say only weekends? Isn’t it better to drink during weekdays and be off on weekends? It was never ending torture. Not so much the failing, but the constant chatter in my head.
I’ve never been able to moderate. There are millions and millions (probably billions) of people around the world who can experience and explore sexualized and lust- or fantasy-based thinking and behaviour, without a problem, and without even thinking about moderation. Then they can let it go. I tried that for decades and failed every time. I can’t let it go, so I can’t have it as part of my life. I have to learn to live a vibrant, rich life without it, and through the program I follow, I have learned that. It is possible. And I don’t want to go back to how I used to be, because how I am now is much, much better.
Tried countless times to moderate my marijuana use before realizing that I had a Problem™️ and came here. So many different “strategies” that ultimately failed. Only smoke on weekends, only use edibles, only smoke half a joint in a day, only spend X amount of money at the pot shop, only only only… And ultimately something would happen and I’d make some excuse–bad day at work, edibles taking too long, “accidentally” smoked the whole joint, sale at the pot shop, etc etc etc. And every time I fell off the moderation train, it was a harder fall into addiction.
I just can’t use anymore. Sometimes I wish I could be “normal” and just smoke socially like some folks, but I have to recognize that I have a disease and “normal” drug use just isn’t possible for me.
Everyone’s response is very insightful and all resonate with myself. I think it’s interesting to see the amount of people who have tried the same ridiculous things that I have.
Thank you for all of the responses which affirm that moderation is a fool’s game as if moderation was possible it wouldn’t be something that would have to be thought about in any real way. I too am like a previous poster in that times where I have moderated it has dominated my thoughts and it seems like a better use of my time to focus on staying drink free than to focus on ‘when is the next one, when is my next drinking time…’ and needless to say 1-2 drinks a time is virtually impossible for me.
Thank you all for taking the time to share your stories, it really helps put mine into perspective.
