Today I got up the nerve to search for a nearby AA meeting and go. Like many others here, I have anxiety and this was WAY outside my comfort zone, but I did it anyway.
It turned out not to be AA, but an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. I stayed because it would have been awkward not to, and I was already there. I also figured it might have useful info, too.
Well, I’m going to attend every Tuesday. I ended up crying halfway through the meeting. SO much was relevant to me. I still want to find an AA group, but what ACA is working on are things I need to work on and are probably highly important as to the how and why I am of where I am today.
Whether it was fate, serendipity or an entity I don’t believe in, I’m grateful. It was powerful for me…I think it will be life-changing. And you know what? My parents didn’t drink, but my dad was definitely a “dry drunk” I think it’s called and both of them were terribly impacted by alcohol in their lives, so indirectly, alcohol did play a huge factor in my childhood. Dang, the revelations just keep on coming. Whew…
I should give this a try. My parents met in rehab, and while my mom didnt drink or do drugs while I was growing up, my father struggled with it on and off all my life.
I’m so glad it was a good meeting for you, even if it was by accident.
Is that like alanon? Does it do 12 steps too?
I wonder sometimes if I should try alanon (or maybe ACA). My mom was an alcoholic (though would NEVER admit it) and is now dead. I’ll never be able to talk about her drinking or my drinking. I kinda need to work through that.
Yeah, it’s a 12 step program. Google Adult Children of Alcoholics and Laundry List. These aren’t the steps, but these are the issues they work on.
NM, I just did it to make it easier:
The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We became addicted to excitement.
We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
I’m with @psequinn. My parents never struggled with substance abuse of any kind (as far as I know), but I can check all the boxes. I’m a little surprised my therapist never brought this up when we discussed my relationship with my parents.
Thank you.