I’ve been here before but not for a long time because for the past 12 months I have been drinking myself slowly to death.
As much as it hurts to admit this, I feel my drinking ultimately killed my 20 year marriage and 12 months on from that, I have realised I have lost him forever.
But, he isn’t why I am giving up alcohol. I am doing it for me and for my 2 beautiful children who I absolutely adore.
For me, I want to find myself again, find out who I am, Because for the past 20 years, I have been wife and mum and I don’t really know myself.
I have a great career and really a great life, but I have a void that I feel by drinking and I am done. It’s lonely.
I have wasted so much of my hard earned money on booze that I am actually ashamed.
So, here I am almost at Day 2 sober. I started the clock at my last drink, so come 11pm tonight, I’m 2 days sober. Yay!
I know it’s not going to be an easy road, I plan to re join some AA meetings online, and I am seeing my GP on Wednesday.
So that’s me, I am Linda, I am an alcoholic and I am hear to recover.
Welcome Linda. There is a phrase I hear once which is important to me: “in addiction we give up everything for one thing (the addiction); in sobriety we give up one thing (the addiction) and in return we get everything”.
It sounds like you are in that situation, where you are choosing to give up the addiction and see what your life is like when you are free.
Meetings have been big for me too. I’m happy to hear you are joining some meetings. It will help.
Please keep us posted. I’m on here every day myself and a lot of other regulars are too. It’s a great space to stay connected. Addiction is about isolation with yourself. Connection - staying connected and communicating and being with other humans - is the opposite of that. It’s helpful
Welcome Linda. This is a great spot to connect on the go. I was similar to you with the experience of drinking myself to death over the course of a year. Mine was actually closer to 2, but it was truly the most miserable thing I’ve ever experienced. I drank from morning until night and honestly doomed myself to an alcoholic death. At some point I didn’t think I’d live even another year. I eventually had what I thought was enough and went right from the hospital to detox. I had a lot of hope coming out of there and it’s the first place I ever really felt that and that there was another way to live life. Eventually I relapsed though and it started to destroy my life mentally more than anything and I could see it was destroying things even quicker. By the grace of God I made it back to AA and after a couple months back there I also quit weed and got a sponsor and much more involved. I’m learning a lot and continue to. Remember our problem is self. We love to get in our own way. I still do more than I’d like to admit. I am really happy when someone decides for themselves that they want to be sober so I congratulate you on that. My advice is to talk to other alcoholics and get their phone numbers. It helps a lot when you’re struggling and can call one of them and maybe one day they’ll call you and you can help them. Keep working in the positive direction for your recovery and stay as honest as you can. Wishing the best for you
