I think this is it Rob
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It was high indeed, but no one ever doubted my intelligence. Often started at jobs were they expected a lot. But somehow I never was really able to deliver, every time some kind of wall in front of me.
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Thanks Mno, but see only one page 
. I’ll see whether I can find it somewhere
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Yes, that wall existed for me too.
I am beginning to suspect - a hunch based on my interactions with my ADHD support group, and reinforced by my readings on the topic and what I’m hearing from you here - that high intelligence not translating into high, consistent performance (there may be sporadic things here and there but not sustained or developed systematically) is common for people with ADHD.
Interesting. Would love to hear your reflections as you go through this.
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Maybe here? Same topic but on the Washington Post.
Same concept is discussed here too, on the national site of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association:
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Third day medication, all normal side effects they say. But I don’t like them. Appetite zero at the moment. Will call treatment center tomorrow.
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My inner child couldn’t resist to contact her. We had a little dance via e-mail. She tried to put unilateral debtor on me for the things that happened and her only share she saw was about letting it happen.
Realize it was a predetermined plan of her and I took the bate. Felt stupid for a while. Just wished her well and farewell.
Great lesson learned, deleted my Facebook account, moving on focus on myself, my son and the now.
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Good plan! The past is the past. The present is where your power lies - to choose constructive things 
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It gets a little tale, but it has proven that I kept something in I didn’t want to talk about and shut in. I will be getting EMDR if my therapist is back from her holidays. It feels really twisted. This is not because it is not my own stuff, it’s her stuff she did put at my doorstep. Basically from the start of the relationship onwards.
Treatment is on the road, still getting adjusted the the medication. Lost some weight but that seems to be normal although it worries me a bit. I seem to have the relatively rare type impulsive and hyperactive. That kind off explains me contacting my ex contrary to all the advice I received here and in real life. At the moment I’m tired a lot. My brain still races on and of on that matter. First assignment is to start working on planning and structure which has been somewhat non existent so far. Things feel surreal for me, especially in contact with others. I’m just there and not somewhere else, super positive but just doesn’t feel like that at the moment. wonder how I managed to live like this for 49 years, of course I was not really living. Numbing everything that came in with alcohol. always on and the thought I didn’t want to live like that anymore (which came close to reality), the scorched earth left behind when I ended things.
Also quit scared if I’ll make it, it’s a lot I still need to change after almost 19 months sober. Feels a little depressing, did a lot of work already. Kind of treatment fatigue, here we go again. Feeling self looting/pitty, which is not really helpful.
But tomorrow hopefully will be another day, a fresh new start. I know I don’t have to do it all at once, but that’s what I was used to do. So gonna put my effort in to get some structure and planning in my life as a first step, and try to be mild to myself.
One day at a time again or even hours, minutes.
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Good for you Rob. It’s a process I know. There’s a lot to unpack in it too. As you’re going through it, remember not to judge yourself by others’ standards. You literally, physically, have a different neurological setup. Your brain simply works differently, and you need to be careful about the tendency for people to try to fit a square peg (your exceptional brain) into a round hole (the world of typical brains).
You have a brain with a level of responsiveness and inventiveness that others don’t have (can’t have, frankly). The cost of this exceptional openness and inventiveness is a degree of “disorder”; a need for some external structure support to keep you going. But the benefits of this brain you have far outweigh any costs. It does mean you’ll have to be increasingly self-aware so you can find and develop spaces that help you play to your strengths.
In no particular order here’s a few books I recommend to help you get a clearer picture and understand it on your terms.
https://www.audible.com/pd/Journeys-Through-ADDulthood-Audiobook/1977364810
https://www.audible.com/pd/Delivered-From-Distraction-Audiobook/B002UZN2NA
https://www.audible.com/pd/Smart-but-Stuck-Audiobook/1705261000
You’ve got this rob
Thanks mate, really appreciate you. I’ll put ordering some books and reading them on my list. Until know I was a bit in the avoidance mode.
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My pleasure. I’ve noticed as I work on this and go through life with it that there’s kind of a popular / common / automatic sense that “this is how people should structure themselves and behave on the individual level”. For most people it’s just a question of adding a new behaviour to their daily life toolkit. For ADHD people it’s like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
That doesn’t mean calendars and task lists aren’t important or useful - they definitely are; I use mine religiously (if it’s not in the task list I promise you I will forget it; if it’s not in the calendar I won’t be there) - but it does mean that others’ expectations that we will keep something in mind, or keep our papers in neat piles, or move methodically through tasks or projects - all these expectations are non-ADHD modes of behaviour. To the non-ADHD brain, our manner(s) of moving through the world seem chaotic.
I don’t mean to dismiss the people who are trying to help; they’re all being sincere. It’s just that adults and ADHD and living as an adult with ADHD (and for other people, how to engage with and live successfully and mutually beneficially with an adult with ADHD) - all that is so new, everyone’s learning as they go. We’re all learning.
Keep an open mind and don’t be afraid to say, “That sounds interesting, this aspect ____ sounds helpful; I’ll work that in this week and see how it works. This other aspect ____ I’m not sure would be helpful for me / I’m not sure it would harmonize with my current way of doing things, which while unorthodox does seem to me to be effective.”
You got this brother
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I have invited my wife to conferences and talks about ADHD, and she has joined our national advocacy organization and gets their informative newsletters. She’s developed more and more of an understanding of my ways of thinking and taking action, and she’s supportive and helpful with me; we’ve moved past the point where she treated me sort of like something to manage, and we’re engaging more as equal partners in mutually supportive and understanding ways.
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I bought one of the things they call an agenda. Very interesting thing, first test results are received. I might stick to it since it has the tendency to relief my brain a bit 
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I got a daily planner as well I think I posed about it before, definitely worth the few bucks. It keeps me on task.
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Getting started with one as well indeed. First I did something on paper, but I always start quit need. After a while my notes start to look like a Picasso. My therapist advised a digital one. It might gonna work, it’s intuitive in use. The name of the app I use is “tick tick”.
Just getting started with all this. Feels really odd at times to say the least.
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I coildnt do the digital thing,
It was too easy to dismiss for some reason if i write it down it’s now more concrete for me
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