Addicted to gambling for 20 years

Life in Recovery
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Hi everyone

I am here because I can’t handle the life I’m currently leading any longer. Ofcourse this isn’t the first time that I’m trying to quit gambling in the 20 year period of awful addiction…

I have a destructive addiction to slot machines, both in real life as online. The past 10 years I haven’t been in any casino, since I self excluded myself 10 years ago. But I just moved over to the online casino’s after that. Last year I bought software that is supposed to make it impossible to visit online casino’s on both my pc and smartphone. But an addiction does weird things to people and somehow in a desperate attempt to gamble again, I found a way to bypass the software on my smartphone…

During the last few weeks I lost about 6k again, money I couldn’t afford to loose ofcourse, but I was sure to I would hit that big jackpot again, like I often did in the past. They say, the casino always wins, and even though that might be true in the end, I was often on big winning streaks, actually earning money instead of losing it…
But being lucky in this game only makes it worse, you start to take bigger risks and spend more and more money (and time) online…

Right to the point where I am right now…

Lucky enough, although I lost a lot of money, I have no financial problems (yet)…

So this is really the point where I still have the chance to decide how the rest of my life will be…
Either happy without and awful gambling addiction, or unhappy and broke…

The thing is, every addict, whether it’s an alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling addiction, knows how afwull his/hers addiction is and what it does to them… I’m just not strong enough to this on my own, that I do know…

I have nobody with who I can talk about this. Most people around me just wouldn’t understand, and I’m also afraid it would effect some of my relationships with people I really like.

I really hope to find a few people here with who I can talk about this… I really need it…
Feel free to DM me…

Regards

R

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Have you tried Gambling Anonymous? I know a guy who has been in that program (and AA) for years without giving in to gambling. It seems to work for him, and the 12 steps seem to work for anyone who does them honestly.

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I should try to see if I can find one here in Europe. Good idea, I will consider that!
Thank you.

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Checking in again after a horrible night…
I was sweating and having nightmares all night.
Took a day of work so I have a day to take care of myself, taking a long bath, doing some gardening.
I really feel the urge to go out and be in nature today!

Keep you posted here…

R

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Hi @Robster. I just found this old thread of yours.

I am a gambling addict as well as an alcoholic. I am currently gamble free and sober and have been for 20 months.

I attend GA and AA. I am so grateful that I do because it made me realise that I could stop gambling and drinking alcohol with the support of others. Before I attended those meetings my life was unmanageable, it was terrible for me and my family. Now things are really good.

I hope you are doing well :+1:

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Hi @Gillsy1002

Thanks for your little message.
At the time you send me the message, I actually wasn’t doing well since I relapsed, again…
Last week I realised I couldn’t do this on my own (partly because of your message) so I decided to join a 10 week gamblers program. I had my first session yesterday and I am gamble free for 8 days now. I realise it’s going to very hard, but I really feel good about the fact someone is actually looking after me…
You stoped 20 months ago, that is amazing!
I really hope to be there one day as well…

Regards
R

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Hi @Robster well done on the 8 days. It’s great to hear that you are back on a programme. Keep it up and things will get easier and better. I am always here if you want to message.

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Today is my 15th day…
The nasty affects are starting to kick in, and since I’m home alone, the tempation is awfully big…
Just checking in here to keep myself motivated!

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It’s two things actually… time and money!
I used to spend hours and hours behind my computer while gambling, spending 100’s of dollars…
The Sober Time is quite helpfull and both confronting regarding that… I saved already +600$ since I did stop 15 days ago…

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Keep it up @Robster. What barriers do you have in place to make it more difficult for you to gamble if you get the urge?

Do you have software to block gambling sites? If not think about gamblock.

Also do you look after your own finances? If you do get someone else to look after your finances and drop feed you very little money as and when you need it.

My Dad and my wife control my finances. No access to money means no opportunity to gamble.

I have started to take some control back now that I am 21 months off of a bet but they still oversee it and have access to everything.

15 days is great.

Also how is your 10 week program going?

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I installed gamblock on my phone and pc. Works great on the computer, but I did find a loophole on the phone (it doesn’t work on all browsers).
Last weekend I removed that specific browser from my phone. Even though I didn’t gamble for 20 days now, I noticed that I kept visiting the site, to check for free spins etc.
Today felt like a victory for me, I know on monday free spins are given, but I didn’t visit the website, even though I am home alone (and that is a dangerous moment for me mostly).

I don’t have anyone to look after my money, since no one knows about my addiction and I rather keep it that way (I know, this is subject to discussion but still…).

The 10 week program is great, for the first time in years I have someone to talk about my addiction and it feels great.

Still going strong, next target is 1 month!

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I like how you’re working on keeping yourself safe. To bad you’ve found a way to bypass your gamblock on your phone. I would fix that.

If it’s a specific browser that’s the issue, you can block it too. The “Lock me Out” app that I use would be one way to rectify.

Congratulations on the 20 days.

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I look forward to hearing that you have got to a month.

I am just getting ready for my GA meeting. Can’t wait to get there and listen to some therapies. My medicine :fist_left:

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Hi everyone

Just wanted to let you know that I made it! Today is 1 month and 4 days, really happy with that! I started working out again 2 weeks ago and I must say that it really helps me to focus on something else instead of gambling! I’m hitting the gym 4 times a week now and I feel great! Next stop is the big 90! Let’s do this!

Rob

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Great news @Robster. Im happy for you.

Congratulations!

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Great stuff @Robster. Keep it up.

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