Addicted to gambling for 20 years


#1

Hi everyone

I am here because I can’t handle the life I’m currently leading any longer. Ofcourse this isn’t the first time that I’m trying to quit gambling in the 20 year period of awful addiction…

I have a destructive addiction to slot machines, both in real life as online. The past 10 years I haven’t been in any casino, since I self excluded myself 10 years ago. But I just moved over to the online casino’s after that. Last year I bought software that is supposed to make it impossible to visit online casino’s on both my pc and smartphone. But an addiction does weird things to people and somehow in a desperate attempt to gamble again, I found a way to bypass the software on my smartphone…

During the last few weeks I lost about 6k again, money I couldn’t afford to loose ofcourse, but I was sure to I would hit that big jackpot again, like I often did in the past. They say, the casino always wins, and even though that might be true in the end, I was often on big winning streaks, actually earning money instead of losing it…
But being lucky in this game only makes it worse, you start to take bigger risks and spend more and more money (and time) online…

Right to the point where I am right now…

Lucky enough, although I lost a lot of money, I have no financial problems (yet)…

So this is really the point where I still have the chance to decide how the rest of my life will be…
Either happy without and awful gambling addiction, or unhappy and broke…

The thing is, every addict, whether it’s an alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling addiction, knows how afwull his/hers addiction is and what it does to them… I’m just not strong enough to this on my own, that I do know…

I have nobody with who I can talk about this. Most people around me just wouldn’t understand, and I’m also afraid it would effect some of my relationships with people I really like.

I really hope to find a few people here with who I can talk about this… I really need it…
Feel free to DM me…

Regards

R


#2

Have you tried Gambling Anonymous? I know a guy who has been in that program (and AA) for years without giving in to gambling. It seems to work for him, and the 12 steps seem to work for anyone who does them honestly.


#3

I should try to see if I can find one here in Europe. Good idea, I will consider that!
Thank you.


#4

Checking in again after a horrible night…
I was sweating and having nightmares all night.
Took a day of work so I have a day to take care of myself, taking a long bath, doing some gardening.
I really feel the urge to go out and be in nature today!

Keep you posted here…

R