I have finally realized something else I need to give up in order to better my life and to create the future I want. I need to give up toxic relationships. I may be addicted to fixing other people and I don’t let go until I am completely broken. I’ve been told this before but never wanted to admit it. But with this past relationship, I realize that many of our arguments came from me wanting to help him get his shit together and create a better future. I thought I was doing it for us…but when someone shows you they don’t care over and over again, sometimes you just need to accept that and move on. I hold onto relationships way too long and always give out about 8-10 ‘second’ chances. Obviously it never works out in the end and I don’t quit until everyone is miserable and I am absolutely crushed. I do it to myself though. I just need to learn to quit while I’m ahead and let the person go. I can’t control another person, no matter how much I care or think it’s because I love them. I always forget how important it is to love myself and take care of myself through everything. Remaining calm and accepting things as they are will be so difficult but I know it will be for the best in the long run. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t see a problem with their actions. I’m done and just need to walk away from these situations that no longer positively serve me.
Guardrails are there for a reason, to keep us from running off the road. They’re set back from the danger for a reason. If you regularly find yourself in the same sorts of relationships, put up some guardrails to keep you on the road, even if you drift toward the cliff.
I can totally relate to your post, as this is a huge part of my issue as well. I am finally recognizing this problem in my own self and working on being more aware of it. For me, it is easier for me to try and fix someone else then it was for me to to fix myself.
I had a “white knight” thing going on in my head, after my 1st wife and I divorced. I dated some very broken women and treated them like princesses. Then one day I come home to my apartment and find my then ex-stripper girlfriend doing coke with 3 of her former co-workers and 2 dudes, at my kitchen table.
Let’s just say I pursuaded everyone to leave without actually having to discharge a firearm. I packed her crap up and set it on the porch. Was gone the next day. Lease was up so I moved at the end of the week. I got real picky after that and a year later met my now wife of 19 years.
I think that was a huge part of it for me too. I was able to avoid my own issues when I was spending all my time fixing someone else. Now my issues are very clear to me and I don’t need someone else standing in my way of bettering my life. This realization is helping me cut ties and move on with my life.
Lol… AA may be a good fit.
Come learn about step 12. Plenty of people to help!
Now that i am evolving and healing, I look forward to getting into a healthy relationship.
Incredibly wise words that I wish I would have read a year or two ago.
Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast. A motto I subscribe to for much of my life…except when it came to my wife. The moment I met her, my universe cracked. I was done, and I knew it. I knew it.
So, you never know when your universe cracks, but when it does, you will know it happened.