Addicted to self destruction

this is it honestly this is my last place to turn im losing myself. God Im losing everything. I self harm and smoke and take excessive amounts of pain pills. to be completely honest im under age and so yeah its illegal and next thing you know im going to get hit with the “youre just an immature kid” and maybe i am but that doesnt change the fact that ive lost everyone. I have been through hell and i know its hard to believe because my life hasnt nearly been long enough for that but trust me it has. before tonight i hadnt cut in 42 days and if one person had picked up the phone or texted me back probably wouldnt have. people only like me when they need something and suddenly when i do im irrelevant. i struggle with a lot of things including anorexia, major depression, and anxiety and today someone offered me candy and when i turned it down they started yelling at me thinking i had stopped eating again. the other day i was walking to the store and a car drove past slow then came around again but the second time they turned around in front of me and stopped next to me. they continuously hit on me and when i finally told them to leave me alone they spit at me and called me an ugly cunt. in both of these moments i very seriously wanted to die so i smoked and when i stopped smoking i cut. i dont know what to do anymore.


Sounds like you’re going though very tough times. Are you receiving any professional support with self harm?

I am so sorry to hear all of this. I went through almost all the same things when I was in high school. I’m 28 now and still find myself cutting but now only when I drink too much but it’s a million times better than what I out myself through in high school. I quit drinking 3 days ago. Most of what you’re dealing with stems from low-self esteem. You feel like you’re worthless so that is how you treat yourself. You aren’t, I promise! What helped me progress through most of my issues was couseling. They literally have to teach you how to rewire your brain. It’s hard and takes time. Most of my self-loathing comes from the way my parents spoke to me, about me, and about anything at all. I promise things will get better. You really need to get some couseling, I promise it will help! Like I said, I am still a work in progress but I am a lot better. I’m also on antidepressants because I have a chemical imbalance, started working out, I’ve been going to church and praying, I paint, and I got a dog. Those things reeeaallly helped in addition to counseling. I really hope this helps! My heart breaks because I have been there. I will keep you in my prayers. :heart:

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I really don’t want you to feel any of this anymore & I don’t even know you.
But I have this thing where I so truthfully feel for, for those I strongly relate to. My addiction started when I was a minor too & I’m barely 18. I don’t have anyone in my personal life I can talk about this kind of stuff either.
I recommend you get professional help & if you do, make sure to tell them you also have a drug addiction. if you’re scared that you’ll get in trouble for the drugs, I promise you their first priority is giving you the help you need & deserve. I mean that’s really what they’re going to be worried about.
You should stay a while on this forum & just let it all out whenever you want. I promise you it has helped me so much since I’ve been on here, this kind of stuff isn’t “my thing” but it has been so good for me.

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Find some activity to do so u can keep ur mind of these things and pray to God that he helps u if u believe in one

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I really wish I can help u more I am a doctor but too far away ill pray for u though :slight_smile:

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Hey. I can relate to everything you said. Seriously, I’m in the process of writing a book about it all. The cutting, the food restriction, the unwanted attention from men, and of course - the drugs and alcohol. Please know that you are not alone.

I agree with what others have said. I think that you could really benefit from having a professional to talk to. You have made an amazing first step by reaching out on here. Many of us can relate and yet we have all felt totally alone at times. Self harm can be just as addicting as any substance. Things really do get better. It does take hard work and you do have to change thought processes but it’s so worth it. You deserve happiness! You just have to learn how to treat yourself kindly. I hope these stories and mine can give you some hope.

I’m 28
I have not self-harmed in 5 years
131 days sober

If you need someone to talk to or just want to say hey - send me a direct message. You will find your strength. You can do this.

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You are so appreciated for this

i used to, but it didnt help i was there for a year and it honestly seemed to only make things worse.

A couple of weeks ago I overdosed and was in hospital for eight days, I was the same and didn’t have anyone to talk to either, I starve myself , I self harm i.e cutting and biting, I can’t help myself either, but I’ve started seeing CAMHS and their helping me feel slit better, I recommend getting in touch with CAMHS too if your still less than 18