Hi, I am in long term therapy for DID and CPTSD and trying very hard to break the cycle of compulsive binge drinking/chain smoking (only smoke if drinking and vice versa) and only drink and smoke alone and compulsively to escape trauma related feelings of being unsafe/empty/dissociated. Can be entirely committed to sobriety one moment and then switch alters and lose control. We are working on trauma memories in therapy with a Schema therapist and in using EMDR and on the addictive cycle directly at times. We are gaining more sober days together more frequently but it is such a slow and frustrating process. Our therapist is away on holiday at present and that’s hard. Tried a Recovery Dharma meeting today to see whether that might help as noticed it said it was trauma informed and it was ok, we might explore a bit more. We are a Christian and have faith but don’t find AA helpful or 12 step programmes as find them oppressive, cult like, shaming and dismissive of trauma/mental health issues. We also feel that they don’t share values that we have in faith and felt very uncomfortable there as a Christian. Any suggestions on other trauma informed communities that might be supportive of recovery that is by no means straight forward (certain that no recovery is; but the other factors perhaps compound things further)… rehab is not an option as am a single parent and also am on benefits and disability allowance. Also think that removing us from our environment wouldn’t solve the problem as would return to it with the same triggers and better to learn within this circumstance. Eldest child has autism/PDA and youngest possible ADHD both have trauma from our past domestic abuse situation and we have no family to help out. Thank you for letting us vent.
Welcome Kalie to rhe forum! Glad ur here 
Thank u for sharing abit of ur story. Mental health and addictions have been a part of my story also. Have u ever heard of Dual Recovery meetings? Its for individuals that have dual diagnosis (so mental health and addictions). Idk if u have those in ur area tho but thot id mention it.
Take some time to read the various threads on here and post as often as u like 
Theres alot of great advice, tips, and suggestions here. Lots of supportive people. Hope to see u posting more!
Thank you so much. Yes I looked into dual recovery and there are online meetings in UK but I don’t like the 12 step approach. I’m sorry your story has been mental health and addictions also. Yes good plan I will have a read around the threads and take on board the advice and suggestions Thank you for the support and the welcome x
Theres smart groups might help . and AA isnt a cult and it caters for everyone Christian or Atheist .
im old timer AA guy . i wish you well on your search keep us posted on your journey
Welcome to the forum I hope 
you find something that helps you
When I went to my first AA meeting it was suggested I would give a go for 3 months for like everyone it was the last place I want to be in every in AA is suggested whether you want to share do the 12 steps or do a bit of service I ended up doing everything I could because I was desperate, I was physically, mentally, spiritually and financially broken and by using this forum and AA I was given my life back and far more I know no one wants to do a step 4,5 and 9 but they were the steps that set me free my mental health problems that I’ve had my whole life have nearly gone , I can only tell you about my experiences maybe you need to try a different AA meeting as they are different meetings ie sharing meetings, step meetings, open meetings, closed meetings etc etc there are also different meetings ie smart meetings
Thank you. Yes I tried SMART and they weren’t helpful either; I’ve done all the exercises in various therapies over time and it made me feel more hopeless.
I didn’t mean to be attacking of AA; it’s just in my experience it has been more damaging and re traumatising than helpful but I am glad others find it useful. I know they say higher power and that can mean anything but that was what my Christian faith had issue with and also the occult and spiritualist origins of the group. I realise that not everyone will find this an issue either it’s just it didn’t sit right with me spiritually. I’ll keep trying to find my path…
I’m so pleased for you that AA has helped you. I think we must have very different outlooks and stories and whilst I gave AA a good chance and tried a number of meetings in face and online it just re traumatised me and left me feeling low and depressed. guilt induced and shamed. The programme just isn’t set up for trauma informed approaches especially step 4 where you are asked to look for your part in an abuser’s abusing of yourself and I really think this isn’t ok. It’s frustrating as AA is easily accessible but my journey I feel is not that way. Thank you for sharing your story though I appreciate it.
How are you doing today Kalie? Hope all is well
In step 4 you will write down your resentments and in step 5 you will discuss these resentments will your higher power and a sponsor or someone else you trust but it is during this discussion that you will find out IF you had a part to play in them in a lot of cases we didn’t but also in a lot of cases we did but that is up to you and the other person you choose to talk to about them the other things is AA is just about one alcoholic trying to help another alcoholic a lot of us have to go for outside help ie a professional for help especially when it comes to trauma
I messed up last night so having a difficult day today. Was a build up of lots of things yesterday. My eldest refused to leave the house and so ended up having to pay for a drum lesson they wouldn’t go to. I had to see my Dad to sort out a problem with safeguarding regarding my mum as he’s been mis spending her money and I found out it was on online dating site and he’s talking to 2 women and spent 1000’s of pounds and the council are threatening police action unless I get him to revoke power of attorny. I managed to go to shops without getting anything then after Dad’s I got home but then I switched alters and one of them is very depressed at the moment and so it went into complete self destructive mode and I ended up messing up. So have to pick myself up and try again somehow but it’s really hard with my therapist away until 1st September. Hope you are well?
Yes I am in therapy for trauma. I don’t think I could trust another person with the trauma I have experienced other than my therapist and I think if handled badly it could be very re traumatising…
That sounds incredibly tough 
Its hard when therapists take time off. Sort of feels like they leave u hanging 
. Be gentle with urself today tho. Lots of self care may be in order I still think its a huge win that u didnt go to the shops initally, considering all u had to deal with yesterday. So im proud of u for that!
Im doing better today than I was yesterday. Was sort of getting stuck in the past last night and i needed that reminder to stay present and focus on what i can do today to better my life. Im just at work now until 4pm. Not much planned for afterwards tho.
Yes, I feel terrible for feeling sad as my therapist deserves time off but she is the only person who really understands. Thank you yes I’ll try to be gentle. Yes was a sort of win in the shops and I drove past shops after that on way home from Dad’s and tried to settle at home, took diazepam and had soft drink initially but was too much with the switch and everything felt it was coming down on me. I’m sorry you had a tricky night, I’m glad things are going bit better today. Yes mindful thinking can really help though it can also be very exhausting. I hope you find something fun and restful to do after your work.
I attend RD online meetings on a regular basis. The programme is indeed trauma informed, there are many people with trauma experience in those meetings and some meetings focus specifically on this topic.
Thanks so much! Hope ur day improves also hugs
Yes I think I should explore them more as they seemed to have a lot of similarities with the therapeutic approach too like meditation and compassion and kindness and about empowerment. x
This place has been my main support group for the last six years. Partly because six years ago no way I could function in and benefit from a group of whatever group of people in real life. I have my own attachment problems and trauma to deal with and group therapy (schema and Pesso) helped me get better at that through the years. And partly because here’s there’s such a diverse group of people together, all sort of addictions, all sort of mental health problems, different parts of the world, all (adult) age groups. It has been my safe place for years - even with some bumps in the road.
In recent times I’ve been going to Recovery Dharma meetings, my main thing there has been the group meditations. I really like that. Still find it not easy to feel safe and at home in that sort of meetings. I’m also still in therapy (talk and somatic) and benefitting from that.
I’m glad you’re here friend. We’re all on our own journey but we can learn so much from each other. We’re in this together and that knowledge is so helpful. And it’s one day at a time for all of us. Hugs.
Aw thank you. I resonate with so much of what you say. Yes it does seem like a great place with diversity and wealth of experiences and connections. Yes when I tried Dharma I really liked the meditation as I struggle to stay still and connect to my body and whilst my head wasn’t at all still I did manage to stay seated and breathe and I think practising that will help me access other tools my therapist has made for me. Yes one day at a time, I must try to learn to accept that. I race ahead and struggle to stay present but I will learn. Hugs to you too and so lovely to meet you. x