It happened yesterday, after 230 days sober, that I had that sneeky little son of a bitch voice telling me I should open a beer, and explaining in great detail why. I didn’t succumb to it, I ate dinner, watched Stargate and went to sleep (my usual remedy - good food, feel good SF show, sleep), but I had some nightmares and today I feel really pissed off that I even had that piece of shit voice telling me shit and trying to steer me the other way. I’m affraid of what’s next. Will I be able to fight it next time. And next time, and next time. Gotta work the program and think of ways to defeat it.
But check this out, what that asshole piece of garbage voice was telling me was not “have a drink, you’re not an addict, you can moderate now” as I expected, no. My evil addict mind figured a way around that (because I was prepared, surely), it went “look at you, you’re no better than before. Nothing good happened, you’re not faster, stronger or smarter. Why did you even do all that work? You could have just continued drinking and everything would be the same”.
Can you believe that?? Piece of shit addict voice.
That voice is part of our own minds, as well as part of our unconsciousness. So it knows us better than we consciously know ourselves and knows exactly how to try and manipulate us back into using. Big congrats on recognizing what it was trying to do! Big win!
And yes, we have to keep working on a better life, on better coping mechanisms when life throws shit our ways. The voice will become ever less frequent in appearing. But it may and probably will appear again at some point. And we better be ready for it. I feel just living right (which is lots of work) in itself will make us ever stronger and better prepared. Congrats on 230 days and keep going Dora!!!
Remember that you are in control of that voice and you always will be…its absolutely your choice to do what it says or not. It helps me to take any alcohol use off the table full stop…it just simply is not an option in any given situation and so i must find another way of dealing with life…those other options are also plentiful and will become your new normals if you use them enough… wish you well on your journey your doing great!xx