Addicts & Children of NPD ❤️‍🩹 (Trigger Warning)

I wanted to start this thread as part of my healing journey is coming to terms with being the daughter of a narcissistic mother.
Learning to heal those childhood wounds is helping me navigate through my sobriety.

Maybe this could be a thread specifically for those that have been emotionally/physically neglected and abused by a parent or even a partner with NPD.

Sometimes we have setbacks because the trauma that incurs is a gift that keeps on giving so to speak.

This is a safe space to express anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness, triumphs, empowerment and memes.

Just remember you’re not alone and you are worthy of love and healing. :mending_heart:🩷

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Hi Sienna.

Daughter of a narcissistic mother here :wave:t2:
Alcoholic and a child of alcoholic mother here.

I’ll be back in here at a more reasonable time in London UK to share more, but I’m happy you started the thread :heart::heart:

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Son of an emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother and an emotionally inept/unavailable father. Both used to drink quite a bit, my father more than my mother. There are also step-parents on both sides, but I won’t even go there :grin:

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I’m happy that you’re here. :purple_heart:
I’m sorry you’ve lived through that hell. I’m looking forward to hearing more of your story when you feel up to sharing.
Healing and hugs :mending_heart:

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I’m so sorry, Dirk :broken_heart:
You’re welcome to ‘go there’ whenever you feel like it.
I’m sure you’ve had to overcome and are still overcoming the pain caused by them.
hugs :mending_heart:
I’m glad you’re here, too!

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Thank you! And I am sorry, I did not get the ‘NPD’ acronym at first, not meaning to derail the conversation with other unfavorable parental traits.

I am generally at peace with it, but I recently lost my dad and that stirred up a boat load of ‘old’ that I thought I had put behind me… Guess you are indeed forever your parents’ child :man_shrugging:t2:

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Well that’s more than okay. You never know how many of them walk among us undiagnosed. Probably most of them.
And abuse is abuse. NPD or not.
Im sorry you’re dealing with the aftermath of his passing.
I’m always curious how I’ll feel when my abuser, who was supposed to be my protector passes away.
I’m sure it’s a wide variety of mixed feelings. :mending_heart:

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I only have this one experience to go on, but: if there is anything left to say, say it before it’s too late. :mending_heart:

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:black_heart::mending_heart::black_heart:

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Well, I’ll keep it relatively simple as this is not something that I have ever really felt comfortable around, and I have a lot of shame and pain attached to my upbringing.

My mom is only 18 years older than me and my dad maybe 23 years. They were a match made in hell; an insecure and manipulative woman and an overbearing, controlling man. They had two children quickly, me the oldest. My childhood was filled with being told I was going to be taken away by the children’s home, being hit, being shouted at, being silenced, being kicked and having my comforts taken away at a whim.

I remember: being hit every few minutes for polishing a table (to help) with some liquid that probably wasn’t for a table (I didn’t know that, I was tiny). She told me she would come upstairs every XXX minutes to hit me and she did. One time I had annoyed her so she chased me with a LIT lighter, pushing it in my face and I went backwards through a window head first. Another time, she was angry, in the middle of a busy street, that I wouldn’t take another bag of shopping off her and -hands full- kicked me really hard. I have hundreds of these situations in my mind and to hand, but my take on this level of violence is that it’s was partially and always sadistic or elaborate. What kind of mother smacks a bristle brush off a child’s hand leaving over fifty bleeding holes, for them taking a cake when they didn’t ask first? It wasn’t even me that took the cake, it was my little sister, but that’s another story.

Emotionally, what came is relentless gaslighting, reading my personal diaries constantly (even after my teenage years), inserting herself into my friendships and having opinions on my friends. Making me babysit my half brother and being his school tutor for hours on end every day. Using me as a friend and drinking partner and a source of entertainment rather than a daughter. Putting me down so I stayed controllable, clipping every privilege, not allowing me any voice, making me her taxi driver and personal assistant.

As a side note, every single childhood animal I had was either given away or sold while I was in school. No communication, just gone.

We have fought over decades; me as the scapegoat and the evil child of the family. Narcissists do not like resistance… We are now estranged for coming up to 3 years this December. I’m also estranged from my father over twenty years already. It got to the point that I couldn’t take abandoning my truth any more for the sake of a mother that simply wasn’t able to see past a glass of gin and her own nose. She’s labelled me aggressive, independent (that’s a very insulting word in her world) and has criticised me for stepping out of our family system. As if I should be ashamed to challenge what simply wasn’t normal or acceptable.

Challenges I’ve encountered:
Alcoholism
Insecurity
Lack of trust in people
Low self esteem
Shyness
Poor impulse control
Unsound boundaries
Addiction to other dopamine sources: drugs and sex
Loneliness
Self doubt
Depression
Self hatred.
People pleasing
Fear of documenting anything that can be used against me. I still won’t journal.

I’m doing the work for myself now that my mother should have done for herself. I’m finally dropping back into my body and mind and accepting these parts of me that are hurt and angry. It’s a work in progress, but I do not believe that any child from a home of dysfunction or alcoholism should be held accountable to forgive a single damn thing.

Thanks for the space, sorry it got long :thinking::rofl:

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Reading your story just made me bawl my eyes out.
I’m happy you shared it.
It’s again validating to know that other people have had to endure the world of the upside down of narcissistic abuse. ESPECIALLY from a parent. To live in their funhouse of hell.

And your pets :broken_heart::sob::broken_heart:

I’m sorry you had to go through any one of those things.
You never EVER deserved that.

Like you did years ago, I’ve finally taken the step to go no-contact with my mother.
The necessity to do so became more evident to me the moment I chose sobriety. That there was no way I could heal if I kept allowing an emotional terrorist have access to my energy.

The scapegoat is always the strong one.

I may not know you but for whatever it’s worth I’m proud of you! For doing the work she should’ve done. For breaking that cycle.
You are a warrior. Even on days you may not feel like one. :bird:‍:fire:
:black_heart:

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Finally, some resources I recommend:

Origins of you - Vienna Pharaon
It’s them not you - Josh Connolly

ACOA DF LAUNDRY LIST and the flip side laundry list for prompts on how this dysfunction might look to you/has transpired. Sometimes it’s confusing to even know what you feel when you have had no emotional validation.

Get into a somatic practice: breathwork, yoga, meditation… Millions of options, find your people.

Try honesty as much as you can with those you trust.

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Ah thank you friend. Actually from your posts so far here since you joined, I felt like I could hear you. Pain vibrates!

I wish you super well in your personal journey and I want you to know I’m here if you ever wanna offload as this shit is toxic as fuck. We heal forever; i’ve given up on being perfect or reaching a point of where I feel ‘composed’. Happiness and peace, day to day, is enough for now.

Hugs to you. Keep yourself safe first always!

YOU DESERVE THE BASIC HUMAN RIGHT OF SAFETY. Emotional, physical and mental safety.

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🩷

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Little lightness for Friday.

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@SoberSassy I am a daughter of an extremely narcissistic mother. If I would list of the things she has done to my half siblings and me I could continue writing for at least a few hours. Just an example of her personality: it’s all about what she wants and if she doesn’t get what she wants, everything that is connected to it needs to be removed. She has seven children. Child number one had to go and live with my granny. Simply because she was in my mother’s eyes not beautiful enough and didn’t have light brown skin like the rest of us. Child number two, me, grew up first years with my auntie, but, all the hopes that she had of my dad leaving his then current wife were dashed and I was shipping off to an orphanage. My auntie wanted to keep and raise me like her own. But my mom didn’t want to give my aunt and me that pleasure. Next three kids had to go and live with their dad after he filed for divorce. Because if her husband was done with the marriage, she was done with the kids as well. Never looked after them from that point on. Later she had twins, she did raise them. Grew up in foster care with extremely emotionally and physically abusive parents. From the foster dad sexually abuse towards me as well. Before he passed I did confront both of them. Went to see them after years and years of not seeing or speaking with them. My heart was pounding out of my chest when I knocked on their door. But, it’s been the most important things I have ever done. I layed out what they did to me and how it affected me. I expected them to deny or be manipulating. But, the foster mom was just crying and agreeing and the foster dad as well. I told them I have forgiven them . But, for pure selfish reasons, I wanted to move on in life. Not live in anger. They are simply not worth it. Having said all of this, I am an alcoholic and I am a mother. I have been a horrible mom due to my drinking as well. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to say or do the things that have been said and done to me. But, I guess I will never be able to wrap my brain around how I could go down the path of alcoholism after all I went through myself. It’s ok for people after reading this to throw hate at me. I will take it, because I deserve it. I have a lifetime to make it up to my daughter and that’s my mindset every day when I wake up. Because not having happy childhood memories will affect you in so many ways. Thank you for having the courage the start this topic

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Firstly, @Solange hugs

I’m sorry you and your siblings had to go through all of that. :broken_heart:

My heart goes out to you and all children who aren’t offered a safe and loving environment.

Narcissists are nothing but creatures of evil in my mind and I have to think of them that way because they only view everybody else as objects for their using.

You’re absolutely right, they aren’t worth living a life of misery and pain over. Well ultimately that’s what they’d want anyways. To have that kind of control and power.

You are so brave for confronting your abusive foster family. That can’t have been easy by any means and I’m happy it helped you move on with your life.

I can only speak for myself but I can’t imagine anybody hating on you for struggling with addiction. It sounds to me like you’re not only willing to accept your mistakes, but are working on correcting them for you and your children.

That’s not something a narcissist would ever be capable of.

Thank you for sharing some of your story here.

It means a lot to me.

I know it’s a heavy topic, but I think these things are important for those of us who need to heal them in order to understand our addictions and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

hugs to you.

I hope you’re having a narcissist free day. 🩷


:hugs:

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This is classic.

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If crossing boundaries is considered narcissism, consider me a member of the club! My mum was the worst at that, there was literally no safe space anywhere, be that physical or emotional.

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