At the point where I can be sober fairly easily for few days, but I need some better coping skill to deal with the overwhelming exsistance that is having a busy brain and very little self-control…sleep about 4hours max a night and got chronic pain.
It’s 2am right now… Drank all my money again Yesterday ( day drinking, so sobered up bu now) after few days of drawing up plans to sort my future out. Got notifications for bills that I don’t have the money for and that was fairly ok, middle of a 3 month cycle of bad fibromyalgia flair ups, haven’t slept for weeks… what got me derailed was some dude faffing about parking outside a little shop I was gonna go to, but juat drove off to another shop, hit some road closures (semi rural England) and just went drinking…
Knowing full well that there’s a 95% chance I’m not gonna stop just after the one…
I’m trying to disect my whole thought process, emotions, what ifs, what I “should’ve” done instead and how incredibly dumb it is to get so overwhelme by things I can’t control and then go do something that isn’t good and kinda should be able to control.
Any fellow ADHD people knows how hard it is to relax and we don’t really do that… not to exclude anyone, though would appreciate people with similar medical/ND issues to share how they’re dealing with anything?
Positive thinking doesn’t quite work for me. Making good choices is not my forte, I’m very self aware and don’t have a lot of people to lean on about drinking.
Not sure if there’s much sense to this but that’s what the brain dumping of an insomniac at 2am is I suppose!
Are you thinking you would like to pursue more long term sobriety versus just a few days?
I am no expert, but it seems to me a lot of your anxiety, insomnia and general not feeling well may stem from the ongoing cycle of drinking and withdrawal you are constantly subjecting your body and mind to. Sobriety doesn’t solve all of life’s problems, but it does give us more space and clear headedness and take away some physical issues caused by alcohol and its effects on our bodies and minds.
I lived most of my adult life believing I was a deeply depressed and very anxious person. Once I removed the drink, my lifelong depression lessened considerably as did a lot of my anxiety. I continue to learn new ways of tending to my mental and physical health with alcohol. It was the same with insomnia. I was an insomniac for years and only after some long term sobriety has that changed. Who knew? Not me, that’s for sure. Idk, could be very different for you, just sharing my personal experience.
If you are interested in more long term sobriety (it is hard to tell from your post), maybe consider some in person or zoom meetings? I know they help a lot of people.
I hope you can get some rest. That sounds very tiring.
Thank you for sharing! Yeah I think long term sobriety is the way forward for sure…
Realized I got to parent myself and remind my racing brain I’m not in a hurry all the time. Learning new coping mechanisms, though dis binge yesterday, taking the 2&half days as a win and did realize some home truths that hopefully help me to stay sober for longer.
Weirdly I quite enjoy hangovers because my brain is soup and slows down
Trying to remember to have some moments of simple meditations through out the day instead of running around feral till the pains get too much and I can’t cope anymore.
I’ll have a look into if I can find some meetings though have my doubts it’s unhelpful for me. Worth a try for sure!
I don’t know if this might help, but when I’m in a state of seemingly constant agitation, I set a timer to go off every 30min, to remind me to engage in self care.
I then take 5min to stare out of the window, take a body scan, pay attention to my breath, maybe count my breaths, stretch or lie down, try to find out what I might be needing. Sometimes I realise I have to pee, or I’m thirsty, or cold, or tired, or lonely.
If you find anything that helps you, do share. Someone else might profit from it too. Sending you hugs and peace
