Ok so I’m upset with my sponsor. She asks me to ring at certain times of day which I always do but very often she doesn’t answer or message me as to why . She’s a lecturer at college and she’s a very busy woman with three sponsees .i mentioned this to her and when I got out of the car after the meeting on Monday she said I’ll talk to you tomorrow and I eye rolled and said alright WHEN shall I call because your always busy she told me twelve o clock or five thirty .I called at twelve because I’d just come out the dentist it was a difficult appointment They scaled and cleaned my tenth but they were really sensitive and very painful she then gave me a small amount of anaesthetic I DID NOT ask for this ,her words were I’ll only give you a small amount because you said your in recovery from addiction. (My sponsor didn’t answer again )it was freakin’ awful I felt like someone gave me one line and then I couldn’t have anymore . My brain was spinning I was craving again but I don’t know what I was craving because I didn’t know what it was she gave me in the needle but the panic was almost unbearable I went home made a casserole ate shit loads of it made a cake and went to bed I felt better eventually and went to a meeting that night. I couldn’t ring her (my sponsor )at five thirty because I was on buses and then doing service but she never text about not answering at twelve or asked about the dentist just sent her gratitude list through .The last two days have been the same yesterday she told me to ring before quarter to eleven because she was teaching at eleven I called at 10:15 and she didn’t answer, at ten to eleven I did get a message saying “sorry I missed your call about to go teach now “ after that I was with my daughter and I don’t ring when I have her because she literally wants mums every ounce of attention because she’s not with me all week . I got her gratitude list through at quarter to twelve last night but didn’t send one back because I’ve got a proper resentment and hurt feelings about her lack of interest. I didn’t even bother trying to ring today when I’d dropped my daughter off because I don’t want the call to go unanswered again she’s not text until her gratitude list came through tonight at nine thirty. I don’t know what to do … it s taken a lot for me follow instructions do what’s asked pick up phones. I never did those things when I drank I didn’t need anyone isolation was my best friend .now I do …and I just feel NEEDY doing it and it’s something I despise being but I thought it’s common curtesy and I feel like I don’t want her to sponsor me anymore …BUT I love her and I don’t really want anyone else …… are my feelings valid am I wrong …wtf is the adult and right thing to do here🤷♀️ because if I was in active alcoholism I’d just of given it with both barrels then used the block and avoid button….
It sounds like you need more support and it may be timr to find another sponsor
Thank you @Cjp I’m crying now ,i really do need someone who answers me of a day it’s hard having so much going on . My mum found her bank card missing at the beginning of the week and asked me to deal with it ,my nephew we’ve discovered has taken over a thousand pounds from her bank in the last three months, I’ve dealt with the fraud squad the police ,hours on the phone ,her smoking weed and not really being able to answer many questions they need answering but yes she is per suing it even tho it’s her grandson he needs help to come off of crack and she didn’t listen to my advice about him before but she is now she’s only got three hundred quid in her bank she’s only got that because I stopped the bank card .police are going through me for every bank statement ,email ,him and his mother’s whereabouts …( my sisters now letting him back in her home because he can’t go to my mums anymore it’s messed right up !!! Mums seventy seven stoned and doesn’t want to deal with police even though she want him caught 
my heads like “ oh my days this is a lot Corine just put one foot in front of the other sober” I need a sponsor that answers the phone
Hey there, firstly, your feelings are absolutely valid.
I am wondering if you have communicated with her how you are feeling. Sponsorship is a two way street and as much as we as sponsors are here to guide our sponsees, we are also here to be a safe person for our sponsees to learn open, honest, vulnerable conversation with.
Dont forget she is also an addict in recovery and to be honest some of the sickest people I know have multiple decades clean in the program; their disease just manifests in different ways. Maybe her life is a little chaotic?
If you love her and you want her as your sponsor then I will suggest having a clear idea of what you need from her and then asking her to meet for coffee. Let her know how you feel, what you need, whats not working, what is… she might have some new ideas for the two of you to try before you toss her to the curb.
We are all learning. She has never sponsored you before. She has never been a sponsor today with all the shit that is going on in her life too. She’s just an addict trying to learn how to live her best life without substances. So, if we look at it like that we can see that yes, you are not getting what you need from her and no she might not be the right sponsor for you but why not use this as a safe place to practice comuication and have some big growth…
Just an idea.
Thank you @Its_me_Stella yes I communicated this to her and she has done the same thing this week . I will keep practicing communication on the forum ,I feel a lot better now it’s journaled on here and not swimming round my head it’s 2:16 in the morning and I think I’ll sleep better than I have all week now
Maybe she has too much on her plate then hey? The other night our meeting topic was balance. Balance is really hard for us addicts, we are so all or nothing.
I am sorry to read your struggles, @19801 
I have not been a sponsee or indeed sponsor, so cannot reflect on your post from that point of view, but I do recognize a lot of what you are describing: when we are already feeling vulnerable, it’s all the more important that the person we want to open up to and work with shows dedication and attention. If that is not the case, it’s all too easy to let feelings of ‘being a nuisance’ creep in and shut back down. I agree with previous responses that mutually setting expectations is important, what was your sponsor’s reaction when you brought it up previously?
In terms of your mum: it may be a bit blunt, but it’s her money so it may be reasonable to expect her to be sober (enough) to take matters into her own hands instead of pushing them onto your plate? These kinds of family situations are naturally extremely delicate and your mum is not helping by insisting to want to pursue legally but not being clear headed enough to do so. Maybe you can step away a bit and see what happens?
Oh thats good, yes bad to keep that stuff inside. Have you built yourself a support group at all? Something that I was taught early on was that I needed 6-8 other women in my recovery besides my sponsor. Women i could call, talk to about things like what youre going through.
(I actually just fired my sponsor, and the reason I did that was because I noticed that I was using my support group more than her. That told me something was off, so i investigated.)
Thats alot for sure. Glad you found some clarity
Absolutely mate thanks 
…I’m going to tell the Sargent exactly this when he contact s me . I can’t deal with other peoples problems even if it is my mum . I’ve done all I can ,I’ve got to leave it up to them to do their job now
Things will come your way in sobriety that really piss you off and these are the tests we have to face as for your sponsor maybe shes taking to much on in my early sobriety well when i was 20 years sober i took on several guys and i discovered it wasnt going to work now i only have 1or 2 that i help . nothing stopping you finding another one some times us sponsors can be forgetful aswell only human. as for your mum remember your sobriety comes first and your sanity time for a rethink , im sure you will make the right decision , if you need help just PM me im always here to help . wish you well
Thank you @Ray_M_C_Laren I’m pretty sure she is taking on too much . I’ll have a chat with her and discuss what I should do next
@Cjp @Dirk @Its_me_Stella @Ray_M_C_Laren ,Thank you to you all for your advice .I’ve spoken with my sponsor and she thinks it’s a good idea ,she agrees that her working life is mad and she doesn’t have the time and said I’m a routine person that likes regular contact at regular times of day it’s better to find someone who can do that . She’s still going to take me to my Monday meetings so we’re still in touch we do have a laugh together and get on really well . I feel happier that I’ve worked through this with love and compassion rather that anger and self pity …onwards and upwards on my sober ship 
Good result Somerset Girl
Thanks @Cjp an Thanks ya big scot . Looks like I’m learning how to handle situations that used to baffle me 
Amazing! Super work, leading with your heart always has the best outcome.
I am sorry your sponsor can’t show up.
I am sorry she is spreading herself too thin.
Structure is the first component to getting well. So she should make one appointed time for you to call her and she should be there to pick up. You should both be in a quiet place if possible to have your talk, and it should be structured and positive.
A sponsor is not a friend, they are a sponsor.
If I am working with 4 sponsees, I need to give each of them appointed days of the week that we will talk, but not every day or I would have no life myself.
Depending on how new the sponsee is I may meet with them twice or even 3 times a week, if they are new to recovery or the steps and having a hard time I will ask them to call me each day. But those talks are brief. Regular talks once a week are for 1 1/4 hours and they are working their own program. They can also call me any other time they need to and I will call them back with 48 hours. (Usually sooner). I tell them this and how I sponsor when we first sit down together so they know what to expect, and none of this insanity is going on.
Sanity is structure. Not perfection, just structure.
I am always thankful for the help someone did give me and I let them know that.
We need real help in this program, and showing up is #1.
PS Please make sure you are leaving people voice mails when you call them.
Also, my sponsor does not text me her work. She sends that to HER sponsor, or a friend of equal experience.
We are very emotional and sensitive people. She might be testing you. Sometimes they want to see how serious we are and if we follow directions. Even though she doesn’t answer is this going to make you give up and relapse? Our sponsors are not out therapists or counselors they are there to take us through the steps. But if she’s not working out for you maybe find someone who has more time to spend with you.