I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned already, but one time I read that alcoholism isn’t a defined line you cross, like one day you’re not an alcoholic and the next day you are. It’s a gradient, a spectrum, with levels and grey areas. I know that I grew up with the “image” of an alcoholic being out of control, mean, slurring words, always a beer in hand, just kind of chronically in the gutter. I’ve learned that that stereotype doesn’t describe many many alcoholics, including myself and lots of people I know.
For me it was realizing that I drink to escape what is making me feel bad. Life is full of ups and downs and drinking every time there’s a down lead to a lot of drinking. I had to stand and face the storm and learn how to deal with bad feelings without escaping from them. It’s a lot, and it takes time and practice. Good luck 