Hello! So I am 23 years old and need to get sober. I have BPD, anxiety, and PTSD so I tend to use cocaine daily to numb the emptiness, lack of motivation, sadness, anger, and irritability I feel everyday. I have been using cocaine for roughly a year and I know I need to stop. I used my last bag a few hours ago and I cannot stop thinking about buying more and relapsing. Aside from the toll itās taking on my mental health, my overall health, my bank account, and my sleep, I also need to get clean for a drug test for nursing school. I desperately want and need to get sober so I can have a better life, but the cravings are so intense. Help and support is appreciated
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Hi Emma, welcome 
Early sobriety is all about: donāt pick up, donāt use. Itās also about opening your eyes and learning what you need, to be healthy and present for yourself; to have a good relationship with yourself.
Thereās a pretty simple rule I have when Iām having rough days: you are allowed to do anything thatās safe and legal, to stay sober.
Stay home all day and watch Netflix? Ok.
Eat pizza three days in a row? Absolutely.
Go for walks for hours, listening to angry music? (or whatever music suits your mood) Yes!
Etc etc.
Do you have a meeting you can attend? We all need help and we need to not feel alone. Meetings do two things: they give us a community of people who understand, and they help us learn to be healthy and present for ourselves. (Itās weird but in our addiction we forgot that or never learned it. Itās kind of like learning to walk, or to swim. We need to learn to be present with ourselves.)
Thereās a good list of resources (including meetings) here. Check it out!
Welcome Emma! Remember: youāre a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
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Agree with whats been saidā¦
And really delete the dealers number hellā¦ Change phone numbers as my dealer would text a deal or you good?
Know this thou it feels like it, you dont need cocaine to function, you were before coke able to function and you will slowly get to being you againā¦ Hold on to that thought!
Talk here, talk at a meeting or talk to someone you trust on those intrusive thoughts, they are only thoughts and you can tell them gremlins they are not going to win!
Put effort into to your recovery read about addiction, learn that the substance is not a healthy coping behaviour and thats something you need to retrain your brain everyday. That coke is not the answer.
Be kind to yourself, rest, hydrate and give yourself some selflove and worth.
It can only get better being off the substance even when you think i need it! Come here message, distract as that thought will pass.
Good luck on this road to recovery!!
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You are dancing with the devil here. Before you know it one year will turn to 2 years. Blow will turn to meth or free base. This is a progressive disease, trust me. Sooner or later everything and everyone you loved will no longer matter. I lost 5 years because of this. I implore you to get help and stop now. I am clean and sober now for 840 days. For me a 12 step program, therapy and the direct neurofeedback saved me. Look into all 3.
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To me, alcohol lead to me going on Coke binges. That shit just went hand in hand so if I were you, Iād cut the drinking out to because once I had a few shots in me, my self control went out the window.
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First day myself. Wish I had good advice. Iāve been calling friends and watching silly television. 
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Welcome Emma! I was a daily coke user too. It got to the point that I didnāt enjoy it anymore and it severely damaged my sinuses. I was doing it in the evenings after work to get my mommy duties done and then I drank a lot of alcohol to come down so I could get a few hours of sleep to do it all over again. It feels amazing to be free of that vicious cycle of hell. It took time to get energy back and start living a normal life but itās worth it. We understand what youāre going through so I hope you come back here often for support.
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You all are very helpful!! It is very toughā¦ but I am getting through day one! I donāt drink, I donāt smoke weed, so cocaine is the only drug Of choice I doā¦ I really appreciate you all took the time to commentā¦ it means so much
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Today is my day one after a year as well. I started during the pandemic as a way to ācureā the anxiety and boredom, so I told myself. Last year I was missing the party life the constant attention and distraction from real life that comes along with the party life. It was hard to sit at home with nothing to do but think about all the ways Iām a failure.
Now that things are opening back up Iām finding myself not wanting to return to that way of life, out almost every night, coming home 2-3am, never seeing my husband, and then the next day the shame cycle gets me beating myself up and so out the door I went to quiet my mind telling me this isnāt good for me I didnāt want to listen to that part of my mind for years, but now Iām ready to.
Hope youāre doing ok today!
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Good luck.
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Fantastic advice, I shall be taking it this weekend.
Thanks! Alex
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