Hello, my boyfriend and myself have been trying to get sober. I haven’t touched drugs but I keep finding him with paraphernalia or the drug he wants to stop. I calmly approach him when I find it but he denies that he does it. Does anyone with experience have good advice on how I should handle this going forward?
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You focus on you, he focusses on him…
You can’t change someone else.
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It’s heartbreaking I know but ultimately it’s his journey.
In some ways what’s most heartbreaking is the lies. You see the paraphernalia and you know instinctively what’s happening, but the addict is in denial.
It’s hard but necessary to understand: so long as someone is in addiction, they live a double life; they’re escaping, avoiding. The relationship with the addiction becomes more important than the relationship with real life and real people. It’s a paralyzing contradiction.
That doesn’t mean you have to bury your feelings though. This experience is exactly why groups like Nar-Anon exist. It is for partners and family of people living in addiction. Why don’t you try joining a Nar Anon meeting?
https://www.nar-anon.org/find-a-meeting
They have them online too:
https://www.nar-anon.org/virtual-meetings
Take care and don’t give up.
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