Hi y’all. I’m really torn. A good friend of mine is also a user, and I love him, but he’s been really unsupportive of my recovery and keeps offering me meth. I’ve been using for a month and he keeps saying it’s too soon to quit, and makes fun of my reasons for quitting, saying I should just “life life to the fullest”. I’ve been strong and have said no every time for the last two days, but the temptation is hard to resist. What do I do? This person has shared that they feel people always leave them in the end. I know they’re a threat to my sobriety, but I feel guilty when I consider cutting them off. It’s hard.
Question Do they live with you? My opinion only…if you want to quit and not use, you have to keep yourself away from the drugs and other users…It is Your decision on how you want your future to be…
They do not live with me — but he’s homeless and often asks to shower at my house and sleep on my couch when it’s too cold out. I feel bad about kicking him out of my life because I know he’s struggling, but I know it’s what I need to do.
Exactly!!!
Hey. Thats hard
You can give him conditions, in a way. If he uses your house and shower, its conditional that he respects your need to quit.
You can be honest with him, and tell him you dont want to cut him off as a friend, but you need him to quit involving you. If he is a friend, he’ll understand.
Point is, you need to do you because living your best life is off of meth. @tailee17 is right, its your call, your life, your future.
If you need to get help and connect with others to do this, do it.
Best of luck (and effort)
People pleasing is a common behavior to us addicts. We often sacrifice our time, our money, our space, our dignity and our sobriety to please the people around us. We do this for many reasons, for me, I did it for acceptance and validation.
If you aren’t a people pleasing addict, then likely you are a people pleaser abusing addict, one who exploits the people pleaser and uses them.
To stop people pleasing:
Set boundaries
Decide what you’re willing to do and what you’re not, and communicate those boundaries
Prioritize your needs
Consider what’s important to you and what kind of people you want to be around.
Say no
It’s okay to say no when asked to do something you don’t want to do, or if it’s unreasonable or impossible. You can also try deferring your decision until later to avoid the pressure of saying yes or no right away.
Embrace discomfort
It can be hard to stand up for yourself, but you can try to get used to the idea.
I’ve had to use these tools to cut toxic people out of my life, people I genuinely care about, I just can’t risk everything I worked for and cannot enable their abusive behavior. It sucks, but in the long run, it’s the best thing to do.
If that’s true, they need to look inward as to why that keeps happening. So many addicts are truly great people underneath, but until they figure it out, you gotta do what’s right for you. I had to walk away from the love of my life bc he got addicted to crack, and hard as it was, I had to get out of that situation to save myself.
Well done on resisting temptation for 2 days. You can choose whether or not you’re around it on your 3rd day. Up to you
As hard as it is we have to separate ourselves from people who are a threat to our sobriety no matter how much we like them I’m not sure about you but I’m not sure I have another recovery in me and that’s the simple fact it’s life and death so my advice is to say to your friends that at the moment you can’t be round them
Well done for reaching out for advice and for being strong
Unfortunately sometimes when trying to save a drowning person you end up drowning too.
This person is not your responsibility.
This is not a person who cares or loves you.
Put yourself first as this person is already doing.
Perhaps try a meeting of some kind to find others in the same position instead of hanging around and being made to feel guilty by people who don’t want you to get sober/clean