After being a drinker again for 15 days, here I am

I don’t think I suffer from a strong physical addiction to alcohol although it could be just the start.

I think I do have marijuana dependency

I also have mental illness no matter how I want to put it. I have schzophrania.

When I drink my mind is gone. I thought it was different then pot , the way it affected my mind but the only difference is how I act.

On pot I’m very slow and confused and sometimes depressed
On alcohol I’m very loud and confused.
The confusion I get from picking up a substance will send me to a phyc ward one day.

Drunk on facebook? Freaking embarrassing.

15 days ago I said ok, I’m going to drink but I’ll just be careful. No it didn’t work. I told myself I wanted to drink and I went at it hard. Sometimes I look back on Facebook from the drunken night be4 just totally embarrassed. I say very weird things that make me look crazy when I’m under the influence. My mind just can’t make sence when I’m under the influence

My sobriety date is Jan 7th 2021 at 12am

I have faith for anyone struggling. I also have faith in myself as long as i put my knowledge to work and say no to the 1st drink


I appreciate that @littlemisschatterbox

To be reminded of those facts help.

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Welcome back Matt. Dual diagnosis can be very difficult to manage. Not sure if it can be managed. Manage the mental Illness with your meds and give up on the drinking and smoking. That how you’d manage it.
I was just tell @manishc about my son who is bi polar. He just got really tired of waking up in strange hospitals in lockdown. He got off his meds cuz he was feeling fine. He did a lot of drinking. Pot. And ecstasy. Well you can’t do that!! The good news is. He worked a 12 step program. He’s got 6 years sober now. He worked with his psychiatrist and therapist. HE STAYS ON HIS MEDS. Finished college. Got his masters. And is now a certified therapist. Miracles do happen. It can be done. Take it one day at a time.
I’ll pray you find your way in your sober journey. Keep coming back. Your so worth it.
Please check in here before you pick up again.
Or call a friend.


Jan 7th is a great day!

Chapter three of Alcoholics Anonymous first paragraph:

MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

I have done countless vain attempts myself. I have pursued it to the gates of insanity. I have flirted with death.

We are the fortunate ones! Glad your back!

Chapter three has a lot of information that describes our condition. I listen to it frequently. It helps me keep it real.


You seriously think you’re not addicted to alcohol?


Hi @anon43625156. As one of the members already pointed out, a dual diagnoss can be a big challenge.
I myself am Bipolar II and have been clean and sober for nearly 3 years and nearly 1 year without cigarettes. It took YEARS for me to get sober. I relapsed many many times on my way to sobriety.
There is no way to sugar coat it, alcohol/drugs and mood disorders is a dangerous combination. The symptoms of the illnesses are exacerbated and amplified. And it causes the medication to be ineffective or have negative side effects.
The alcohol and drugs exacerbated my symptoms terribly. I would go days without sleeping and binge for weeks at a time. I would then crash for days at a time. Being unable to go to work or college. I became an unreliable friend and an employee who was prone to disappearing for a day or two. And plenty more.
The fact that I don’t have a medical or legal record is through dumb luck and stubbornness. Period. It definitely cost me plenty of friendships and a few promotions. My Bipolar untreated combined with my addictions had disastrous consequences. Someone who has brain chemistry that’s already imbalanced ought to not add to it with drinking and drugs
It was exhausting and no way to live.
But great news…it also doesn’t have to be that way! It takes hard work and dedication. And patience and compassion with yourself.
I strongly encourage you to contact your doctor, get on your meds, and keep on trying. It’s a tough road but worth it.


It sounds like you do have an addiction to alcohol and I say that with love. When it changes us and we have no control that’s addiction. Your in great company here. Lots of reading and support. Just think, we never have to be embarrassed again of what we did the night before :wink::woman_facepalming:


Thank you for posting this. I came here looking to give support and instead found exactly what I needed to hear.