Hi Bella, I know it sucks. It really, royally sucks, and it feels like you’re at the bottom of a canyon, surrounded by tall cliffs on all sides, yelling up to the edges for help, and it feels like there’s no one within a thousand miles to hear you. I get it.
You can’t climb cliffs alone. Not these cliffs. You need to have guidance other people who have climbed these cliffs before. You need them at the top, talking you through the climb: there’s a spot for your foot there; a handhold there; there’s a place you can rest there.
But what makes the difference - what makes the climb actually happen - is you climbing. Those guides at the top of the cliff can talk you through it. (Guides are essential. You do need them.) But until you physically reach up for that handhold; until you wedge your foot into that crevice, to get ready for your next reach, for your next stretch up the cliff - until you actually do those things, following the instructions of your guides, you will not get better.
It is possible.
It is possible.
It is always one step, one foothold, one stretch at a time. But it is possible. And eventually, if you persist - always one day at a time; one hour at a time; don’t think about tomorrow, don’t think “these cliffs are so tall!”, don’t get preoccupied with all that big-picture stuff, just do one step at a time, you can always do just one step, it’s just a few inches - if you persist in that way, you will get to the top.
Start by looking for your first step. You will need guides: other people, knowledgeable people. This thread has resources to start: