Hi,
So my bf and i got into a fight on new years eve and i finally got him to talk to me tonight.
Turns out he hates the way i am when drunk and apparently for my birthday a couple months ago i blacked out and said some truly hurtful things.
My parents are alcoholics and my mum used to do this to my older brother all the time, balck out and be horrible, i never wanted to turn into them and i have.
When i said id stop drinking my bf said he didnt want to control my behaviour or change me, i said i was doing it for myself,
Do you think the relationship can survive if i stop drinking? Or was he just looking for a way out of hurting my feelings more so didnt break up with me
Yes things can get better. Alcohol only makes things worse. My wife and I were best drinking buddies. I hated it. It fueled a lot of internal anger. Its all dissipated (the drunken arguing) since we quit drinking, obv… lol but seriously. I never want to be her drunk pal ever again. Just a comforting loving husband, who jokes too much! Ha! Anyway give him a chance to do the same, if you love him.
But yes, do this for yourself, not for him. Get yourself on the mend, and let the chips fall where they may. You only have control over half of the relationship — taking care of your part, being who you want to be, is where to start.
No one can read someone’s mind. What’s important is what is within your control and that’s your choice to drink or to be sober. It sounds like you have a choice to give your relationship a chance by trying the sober end of things. Relationships shift when big things change, like partying behavior and heavy drinking. You won’t know until you try. I wish you the best!
Yes. The relationship can survive if you both want it to. Is their any reason to think he was not saying what he really felt?
The more important thing is that sobriety will help you in all relationships . No neeed to second guess what you might of said to someone or how you are feeling.
I unfortunately can relate to the issue of family being addicts as well and it cropping up in your own relationships.
It’s definitely not a terrible thing to want to stop for your partner and for the relationship but it will be the most beneficial to your own life. Having a partner that also wants you to be sober is going to be a lot more healthy for your recovery than the opposite as well.
We put a lot of pain and strain on our relationships, romantic and otherwise, that we can unfortunately overlook a lot of the time. If you feel that you want to do better in this situation, talk with your partner openly and honestly about why you might be drinking and see if they would be open to the idea of attending AA with you for support.
My husband and I both used drugs together. And to be honest, our relationship has improved sooo much since we stopped using. The selfishness isnt there, we are communicating better, and we genuinely show affection and compassion to one another. I do think its possible for relationships to improve when we stop drinking and using. I have hurt my husband and vice versa thru things being said or inconsiderate actions in the past. But we can make amends to those we have hurt by staying on the sober path. Taking action and showing them that we have changed and that we are serious about our recoveries. That we will go to any length to get clean and sober and stop the hurtful behavior. It is possible. I am hoping that ur relationship can be repaired
Does it matter if your relationship survives or not? Let’s say getting sober won’t save your relationship, are you just going to keep drinking and ruin all your future relationships as well?
Maybe getting sober will fix things, but I can say with absolute certainty that if you don’t get sober you might as well end the relationship now because there’s no chance it will continue.
My girlfriend and i were in the same situation. I had been sober for a year when her drinking became a problem. She would get angry at me for what someone else did, it got to the point i couldnt stand her and i about broke it off. Thankfully she quit and we’re doing better.
Hi in hindsight your story is much like mine. I get blacked out say and do horrible things than impact my partner. At first less often, then increasing in occurrences. Mornings with bad atmospheres and hurt feelings between us. My own mental health and physical really damaged from drink.
But my partner said he didn’t want to ask me to stop drinking too. I thought it would be controlling as well.
We tried reducing drinking days agreeing to set amounts of drink nothing worked.
Today after disastrous behaviour from me last night involving drink he gave me an ultimatum stop drinking or he will leave.
I decided to stop drinking for myself and him.
I hope your story doesn’t reach that point and you get a handle on it much sooner than I did.
