My girlfriend currently has liver disease and cirrhosis as well as internal bleeding. Her oxygen was low and her blood wasn’t clotting yesturday. Today I walked in on a procedure they were doing in icu and they incubated her and now she is in a nyc hospital. They are trying to stabilize her before they can proceed. Her birthday was December 18th … the day she got admitted, she is 32 years old. I tried so much over these past 2 years including to limit and stop my habits as well. Its so difficult to help someone when they dont want to change. After a few hospital visits the doctors as well as her neurologist urged her to stop drinking. She refused to and would make up excuses, she was in complete and utter denial. I refused to give up on my sobrity and her because she helped me stop doing drugs one year ago from this coming new years eve. Over the course of the last year after some job troubles she became less and less active. Her diet began to diminish. She laid in bed and drank, not always much but very consistently. Very little water and then less and less food. She used to love to eat my food as I am a chef and would make her anything she could think of. It brought me great joy giving her healthy meals. I began to find her hiding food i made that she never or barley ate. I reached out to her friends and family members and we were doing as much as we could to get her to stop. She’s on keppra since she has epilepsy so I think her liver was working overtime. At certain points in this past year I was drinking heavily too. Eating and cooking less myself. As well as having violent throw ups a few times , mainly just bile. I kept stopping but would continue to relapse every few weeks as the bottle was always just there. A few days before Thanksgiving her eyes started to become tinted yellow. She would not go to the doctor , she was hoping it would go away or get better always insisting hes was too young. We’ll folks your not too young , alcohol can destroy your life at any age. I had a friend who this happened to when he was 22 years old luckily he survived. Last week this huge bruise appeared and was getting bigger and she refused to go to the hospital or doctor. We eventually had the ambulance take her and told her she has to go with them. At this point she had stopped taking her meds for 5 days. Ihad stopped drinking or limited significantly over the past 2 months again. I would just after work but some nights it would set me off on a all night bender till 6 am guzzling vodka. Then some days would drink a shot or two after waking up …hair of the dog. I really am feeling alot of emotions right now. My girlfriend and I were talking about getting married. I wanted to get her healthy and back to work and a normal schedule and propose when we were both more financially stable. She insisted I propose to her with a ring pop (told me thats what she always wanted) and I thought that would be cheap or corny but she adores me and just wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Yesturday while she was sleeping in icu i sat there and held her hand. I brought a plushie named henry I won for her at a carnival last year. I was wiping blood from her mouth every time it would drip out. When I left a lady I helped find the elevator congratulated me thinking i just had a child, sadly no this wasnt the case. Early this morning I got to see her while she was awake. She was very out of it but she was there looking at me with deep yellow eyes that make my stomach churn. She had seen the ring pop I bought her last night but did not remember. So I asked her today if she would marry me and she said yes. That was the last thing she said before falling asleep as she was just administered a sedative. A few hours later they incubated her I sat there watching as her pulse rate on the monitor kept increasing and increasing over 160 bmp. Her blood pressure thru the roof. The beeping sound on the screen was getting faster and faster as dread , anxiety and fear course through my entire body. I left. She has now been transfered to the city as I mentioned before and I will be there 9am sunday morning. Please send prayers. Im praying for the best and I vowed to never drink another sip of alcohol (literally POSION) ever again. Even after I drank Friday night after visiting her i dont know what came over me I had a few beers and told myself it would be the last. I dont know why I ever did that anyway. But so far it was the last and its only day two. I was happy I got to give her the ring pop she always wanted and I hope thats the last memory she has for now. I know she has to get better so that we’ll be able to get married and spend as many years as we can get with each other after this terrible situation.
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Chace . What you’re facing is unimaginably heavy, and your love and effort are so clear in every word.
Sometimes the only thing and also the greatest thing we can do for someone is simply be there. We can’t force change or healing; we can only love, support, and stay present. That presence matters more than you may ever realize, and you’ve given her that.
Take good care of yourself and your sobrietyin these heavy times and come here if you need connection anytime.
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Hi Chase, I just wanted to say that I read your share and I’m sending you and your fiance healing thoughts during this difficult time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Alcohol and addiction are indeed horrible.
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