Hi all, I’ve been using the Sober app for a long time but have never joined the community section until now.
I was sober for 1yr and 3months (the longest I have ever done) I had a drink a couple of weeks ago. I was very stressed (not an excuse, I know) so thought f**k it! Since then I’ve drank a week after that and then again on Wednesday. Since starting, I have not been able to stop thinking about drinking. My internal dialogue is continuously saying ‘go on have one’ whereas the logical side of me is saying, ‘Don’t do it, you will never be an occasional drinker who is able to drink in moderation’. I know this side is right.
I’m so disappointed with myself!
Now I have gone back to how I used to be with regards to constantly thinking about drinking on the days I’m not drinking, especially as soon as I wake up. I don’t crave alcohol when I wake up. The thoughts that go through my head are - ‘Should I have a drink today?’ Or ‘I can’t wait to have a drink later’. It is like an obsession that takes over my mind all day.
Alcohol seems to trip a switch in my head to think only of that even though I’m not back to drinking daily like I used to.
I know I can quit again. I just wish I’d never started again.
Even today I’m considering having 1 last drink (cliche I know) and then stopping again.
Just thought I’d share my ‘story’ with you all.
Firstly, congrats on accomplishing 1 year and 3 months. Secondly, it’s okay to have to start over. You’ve recognized you can’t drink in moderation, you got this. Remind yourself that one drink WILL lead to daily drinking. Chat here, go to meetings if that’s your thing. Coming here was a brilliant idea. 
One day at a time, friend.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Its a good reminder why i dont want that first drink and the insanity i would get back to
I sincerely hope you can get back into sobriety. @Lollipopadopalus
@Cjp thank you. Insanity is exactly what it feels like. I drive myself mad with the constant thoughts about it.
That’s me 5 years ago 
I hated it and needed my mind back. I named that voice the Winewitch and she still sneakes in sometimes to try to convince me to have “just one”. Happy to say that’s seldom now and I know how to deal with her.
You know what to do, you did it before!
Welcome here, this app is filled with nice people who understand where you are going trough.
So see you around 
@SoberWalker yes! That is exactly how I am too. I did not have a ‘last’ drink yesterday either, because, why? What would have been the point? x
Welcome Lorraine!
Hope you find this forum as helpful as I have.
Stress was my biggest hurdle but I found healthy coping mechanisms by working the AA program and coming here daily to read and interact.
Glad to here you decided not to have that “last drink”.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
Good morning, and welcome to our community! You were doing something in your 15 months dry that was working for you, you can take stock to see what you can apply today.
The book Alcoholics Anonymous describes that same obsession with drinking in very nearly the same words. It was that way for me, too. My first thoughts, every day (after determining where I was and if I was injured) were about whether I would drink and not get drunk (ha! Never happened) or just not drink or drink and try to get away with it. When I read those words in the “Big Book”, I knew the authors were my kind of people.
The great thing about the AA program is that it offers a solution that has a proven track record. It’s not the only way, for sure, and there are many variations on how to put it into practice.
I used Antabuse and individual counseling and AA to get sober. I use Talking Sober and AA to stay sober.
I was a low down, daily drinking, multiple DUI kind of drunk. I am not sober today by my own willpower or quality of character. I am sober because I was willing to believe that other people got sober and seemed happy, and I did what they did.
There is hope, you are worth it, you deserve a happy and sober life. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
Thanks for sharing and welcome to the community! I can totally relate with your post as I have experienced a similar dialogue with myself about my drinking behaviours.
The important thing is to not give up, your sober time of 1yr, 3mths is amazing and full of learning.
AA’s big book chapter 3 (pg 30-43) More about Alcoholism is something I find useful to read.
Hope you will post again, glad you are here!
Drinking has only caused me problems ever sense I was 16 good and bad experiences with Drinking alcohol as I got older it got worse Drinking and driving getting a dui going to the hospital and getting locked upI had to wake up and get my shit together almost lost my husband and lost jobs me and alcohol don’t get along I’m truly allergic to it my hole personality changes not me at all someone or something would tick me off and I would turn into doctor jekyll and Mrs Hyde now my addiction is healing and strength I wish you well and love to everyone in recovery.