Thank you so much. I’m very much looking forward to a sober life and forgiving myself.
2 Likes
I need to get sober happen to me when I was a kid, ironically. I watched my dad drink a 24 pack every night and anything else he could. I watched the alcohol slowly destroy all his relationships, career and ultimately his family. I remember my mom telling me don’t ever drink, it doesn’t farewell for our family. Call it genetics!
Fast forward to adulthood. I didn’t or rarely drank until I was 30. But, when I thought life was going down. I started drinking, and it got to a point where it seemed I needed to do make up drinking. Like many of you, I was drinking enough to kill a horse on a nightly basis. Every morning became a struggle and a fight to keep my routine. Of course, I was able to maintain my responsibilities. It got harder and harder. I found myself apologizing every Day to loved ones for horrible and cruel things I said or done. It’s seems it will always be a fight. Even with focus, I found myself setting goals and relapsing 30 days, 45 days and even my personal best of 220 days. The first few times I relapsed, I would tell myself you just went 45 days it’s not really a problem. It always ending the same way. Mr. Hyde would make his presents felt and known. Somehow I managed to stay out of the trouble with the law, but everything else seemed so unpredictable. I’m not really missing anything, but somehow in the deepest part of my mind I think I am. Perhaps it’s the trauma in my life, that I still hold on to… no matter how many times I try and let go.
We know the pain! Keep trying!!!
Love yourself, no matter if you think you don’t deserve it.
6 Likes
Hi guys.
I’m new here as well. I’m 49 years old, male; and yes an alcoholic. Came to grips with that when I got my 2nd dui last night. Lost my job back in april due to covid. I’m a functioning alcoholic but not functioning enough to get behind the wheel. It was less than two years from my first.
I’m angry, saddened and depressed with myself. I like the stories. I drink everyday and am thinking about it right now. My friends, like myself drink everyday. I cant count on them right now for support. I will probably lose some of them but I am prepared for that. I am gonna take this minute by minute and work my way up from there. Almost 24 hours now and I’m anxious, my heart is racing and I want to punch my fist through the wall. I’m single and live by myself and dont drink at home. I just want to sleep it off and get through another day. God bless everyone who struggles.
8 Likes
I’m glad you found this forum; you’ve had a tough 24 hours. Being alone with our thoughts after all that happened can be tough. I hope you can relax a little tonight and get some sleep. A long hot shower helps too…
Keep in touch here…
2 Likes
Thank you Donna
1 Like
People like us who abuse alcohol have a lot of similar stories. Rather it’s fights with our loved ones or getting in trouble with the law. I know right now, your in horrible head place. Disappointed with yourself and your actions. Unfortunately none of us have a time machine, so all we can do is move forward and do better. I find it ironic a small can or big bottle of alcohol can cause so many problems in our lives. Yet, we keep finding our way back. We all know that the fun is short lived and the consequences far out weigh any real joy we get. I’m done with my alcohol relationship, it’s the worse friend I ever had. It’s time for us to break-up. I can and don’t want to do it anymore.
There is light at the end of the tunneling if we look hard enough. We can ask thousand questions, but the answer will always be the same.
5 Likes
Oh god this is truly horrifying. I feel for you and your family. I wonder, have you considered doing therapy? It sounds like the two sides of you, what you call the real you and what you become when you drink, really should meet and convene with each other. They obviously both belong to you and you seem to have a strong need to become one and shun the other at times. I wish you all the best and hope you can start healing!
2 Likes
Hi @EmTDesprit and welcome to this forum! Everyone here can relate to how you’re feeling. The anger frustration depression and hopelessness, it’s a terrible situation. You’ll find support and encouragement here as well as a lot of wisdom. Have you tried quitting before? Sobriety can and will be a wonderful gift to you, not a bereavement, and what you’ve looked for in alcohol, once you’ve figured out what that was, you’ll find in sober life in a more reliable, real form, I guarantee you that. It’s a lot of work but the only way and super worth it.
Share and read a lot here! I look forward to seeing you around! Best of luck!
2 Likes
Very well said. And happy to have this space for support! You’re all lovely even if you’re thinking the opposite right now.
I started therapy yesterday actually. As long as I don’t drink, I’m good!
3 Likes
Good for you!! 
1 Like
Oh how cool! Good for you! Hope it works well for you!
Minute by minute. I think it’s all about baby steps. The hardest part is finding that someone to talk to; that’ someone who walks in your shoes and knows the struggle. Its surreal at times but there are more people out there like us than one thinks. We just recognize the problem and are learning to address and deal with it.
Thank you all for the support.
2 Likes
Absolutely true. This time around I recognize that’s a crucial aspect of recovery.
I never wanted true recovery in the past, I can see that now.
Was just reading something Russell Brand wrote about his recovery and he puts it well:
“Addicts yearn for some sense of connection that makes them feel more healed, more whole, more happy. Sharing your story with another addict, as I did in my recovery, proved vital. Nothing I said to this other person was too boring or terrible or trivial to him. He related to me — and the disconnectedness that I had always felt lifted.”
2 Likes