So, I’m real tired y’all. I’m a binge drinker with a penchant for going to far cuz I’m just too damn ambitious. Sucks cuz I’m just as angry and avoiding becoming bitter at all costs.
Ya’ll, I’m struggling. This is the second time it happens where I get PTSD like shakes and palpitations due to just being around alcohol. Now I’m not one to be squeamish really but I’ve been through the ringer in the last 7 months and I’ve thrown the towel; flung myself in the corner of ring yelling, ding ding fights over.
My boyfriend has been through a lot. Like anyone, things inflicted, things self inflicted, etc. pero, bro, when you tell someone you wanna do something together it’s cuz it’s gonna get done together…long story short I got home, went to my room to change and saw a corner of the room was a bit mussed up. So I went to go rearrange everything and I find a 6 pack of corona, 3 empty, one missing and 2 left.
Ya’ll he was like how did it get there? I didn’t even know that was there. Like I know he’s going through a divorce, he’s been unemployed since he got home, and Ive done nothing but provide only to be shamed and shat on by his behavior. I love this man dearly but I’m at my wits end today with this. Like, I had a great day at work. Ftw ugh…I just want to drink these two beers, stomp outside and scream at the world but instead I will sit on my couch with my cat listening to my oven heat up cuz it’s time for dinner and I should eat something.
I just don’t like being lied to or things kept hidden. He knows how fucking smart I am. Yesterday was his birthday. I got him balloons, a cake I designed to day happy super soft birthday and 2 4 pack special boxes of Pokemon cards. For a 34 year old dude, cuz I felt like we all need that tenderness and I know how he’s been feeling about his bday. Man’s got a dang PS5 for his birthday from his mom like a little kid.
Idk what I’m doing ya’ll. I’m stressed and shaking.
Soooooooo remove alcohol from this story… completely… married boyfriend, secretive behavior, lack of responsibility for his actions, jobless and you are carrying it… honey, you’re anxiety is not from abstaining from alcohol you are in a codependent relationship and you have to know that you are worth more… you sound JUST LIKE ME… I’m a recovering codependent that still makes excuses for a man… I am not healed and I will continue to attract what makes me sick… you don’t deserve the headache… best of luck but just maybe adjust your perspective about the situation and see if maybe it isn’t this toxic relationship?
audible sigh I’ve been aware for too long now…we have been friends since we were kids. I by no means was ever trying to save him. Just give him a safe space to be in but he’s just continuing this cycle of abuse on himself idk if I can take it anymore. He’s about to have to attend to his fear of ending up in a shelter and being raped. I cant let that fear of his affect my decision making anymore. I’m tired and far too functioning.
Thank you @NJR9876 for the support. I appreciate you for showing up for me cuz I really don’t want to involve anyone right now cuz I know I can handle me.
Much love… it’s hard, but I had a bf I had to leave because he kept running to save his best gf from her unsafe situations. We don’t help anyone when we try and do it for them and yeah, they might end up falling and getting hurt sometimes but if you are putting yourself on the right path you deserve less stress and more comfortable living… I am definitely in support of you my friend and I wish you the very best… life is HARD and I can preach but watch me run out and scoop up a man who needs help tomorrow lol lol
I locked all the locks and put the chain. A decision is being made. Fuck ultimatums. Ultimatums are for pussies (no offense to the pussy). Fuck this noise! FOR MY SURVIVAL! continues to shake like a Chihuahua from anxiety I have enough support to say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done. I’ve got too much good going on to let him keep dragging me down cuz he doesn’t know how to handle life.
but just maybe adjust your perspective about the situation and see if maybe it isn’t this toxic relationship?