Hello this is my first time using this app, I’ve used many in the past and they are very useful to talk to others in the same predicament. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 8 years. We’ve drank together that whole time. Our first date was to the movies and he brought a pint of whiskey and we drank it and snuck some beer into the theater… I didn’t drink heavy at the time, occasionally I did and when I did I would always get very drunk. Alcoholism lives within my whole family. So when I was younger I tried my best to control those urges. My first drink was when I was 13 I snuck some of my aunts Bush beer. Oh boy it was so gross… As I got older my older sister moved out and I would go to her house and they’d throw parties and let me get drunk. I was always the youngest one at the parties. That led me to meeting my ex I was 17 and he was 25. After 4 years with him and alot of abuse I met my current partner and things were so good for a few months I ended up moving in with him and we would drink together and get in fights which started verbal and slowly got physical on both sides. It was never to bad maybe some pushing and shoving but I remember the first time he took it to the next level of strangling me. I always forgive him as we blamed the alcohol cause it never happened when we were sober right? We would say if we stay sober that won’t happen and it didn’t… But we always fall back into that habit of oh just a pint… Okay now let’s get a fifth okay now we’re drunk and want more let’s go get another fifth… We would start fighting and things would get even more physical. It started with the strangling and than he started punching me and pinning me on the ground. 8 years later my jaw won’t open fully, I have dents in my head from where he hit me so hard and I was scared to go to the hospital, black eyes at work, covered bruises on my arms, back, ribs, legs, a busted nose, PTSD, anxiety. As a women who grew up being abused by the adults that were supposed to keep me safe. I feel like sometimes this is normal, he didn’t mean to hurt me… and I didn’t mean to hurt him we were just drunk it was the alcohols fault that happened not ours. That brings us to last Thursday… We were doing our normal thing… Drinking and got blacked out drunk it got so bad my neighbors actually busted through my door and pulled him off of me. I didn’t know how bad my face looked but I remember seeing their faces looking at mine and I don’t think that will ever leave my mind. My face was covered in blood. I realized in that moment this isn’t okay, this isn’t normal and I remember my neighbor saying “you deserve love” and I said without hesitation"but he does love me" and it hit me… No he doesn’t if he did no matter what I say or yell drunk should NOT lead him to physical violence… there’s always walking away, going for a walk outside. I say we both lay hands on each other cause usually something sets me off so I start a fight with him and we get to screaming sometimes I push him first sometimes he loses control and just starts hitting me. I’m always the first one to take accountability for my actions abuse isn’t back and white… it doesn’t look the same for everyone and I’m the first one to admit I’m also the abuser not just him. I haven’t left bruises on him or hit him so hard bones broke. But I verbally abused him and sometimes physically by shoving him or slapping him. It’s unfortunate that in these situations everyone blames the guy and in some cases that’s true but in my case it’s not one sided. Sorry for the long message but if you made it to the end thank you for listening to my story and what led me here and now I have 4 days sober and that’s the longest I’ve been in a very long time. I’m safe and not around him, cops were called by my neighbors cause I would never. I came here for the support and to hear similar stories from people struggling with DV and alcoholism.
Welcome to the community and congratulations on your 4 days sober! The first week is usually the hardest to get through and you are doing so so well.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve so much better. You deserve love, safety, and acceptance. There’s never an excuse for the amount of violence your partner inflicted on you and I hope you can start seeing that.
Thank you for the support, I’m really trying to see that and this is the first time people have stepped in to help me and seeing the look on their faces made me realize just how bad it was. I finally took the step and left while he was at work.
I’m glad your here and ok, this is a great place to get support and encouragement for improving our lives. thanks for sharing
Welcome Lovebug and congratulations on your 4 days!! It does get better, but before it gets better, it sucks and is hard. But I think you are a strong person. I know it takes a lot of strength to leave an abusive relationship. I am glad you are safe and yiur neighbors were able to help you take this step. Sometimes we just need that little extra support to turn our lives around. And you definitely deserve a healthy and whole life, as does your partner, but that is his job to figure out his own stuff.
I have wrote about it quite a bit off and on here, my 1st marriage had a lot of physical and emotional abuse. It also involved a lot of drinking. I left a few times and always returned because I didn’t understand what love is and isn’t, because I was messed up in the head and beaten down and needed a lot of healing, because I didn’t know any better or love myself enough. In relationships with DV, if we don’t leave and stay away, eventually someone dies. In our case, that was my husband. He tried to kill me, and then killed himself.
It takes a lot to heal from DV, but it can be done. Have you been in touch with your local DV shelter? They usually have very helpful resources and groups to help you navigate healing this part of your self. I cannot stress enough how important it is to build your self back up and to educate ourselves on DV and how it affects us. I hope you have access to that. It helped me move forward and away from that type of relationship.
I am so glad you are here. I hope you find the forum helpful for community support and sobriety support and info. It is a nice group of people.
Take care of yourself and I hope to see you around. 
Thank you all for listening and the kind words of support I will take all you said and listen hopefully learn and do better in the future.
This is very familiar to me. My husband has never laid a hand on me, but we are both emotionally abusive when drinking, and I have gotten blacked out many a time, and hit him, scratched him, etc. we have been together for 7 years (my 2nd marriage & his 1st). I am finally wanting my sobriety (almost day 4), but he is still very much drinking all day, every day. I am trying to stay sane and sober, but it is definitely not easy. You are not alone, and I am realizing that I am not either.
@msr31 it’s so hard truly and I commend you for staying sober while he is still drinking around you. Even being sober for a day is a HUGE accomplishment for both of us so stay strong theirs a huge support here and I’m happy I found this community. Stay strong you got this !!
Thank you so much. Tonight he not only asked where his bottle was, but then handed it to me to put away for him. I really don’t think he is grasping how hard this is for me. Day 5 and counting! Thank you for writing. I am truly grateful to have found this outlet last night. Stay strong as well. 