It’s been almost five months and I thought I was doing alright. I’ve been dealing with personal emotional shit for a while now and just feel awful about everything in my life and everything about myself. All I want to do is drink. I want to dress cute, go to the bar, and socialize with people. I just want to feel accepted and good enough for other people. I feel so worthless and like I only make everyone’s lives worse. If I drink a few, I will feel good and not have to think about how badly I feel. If I stop after a couple then it should be fine. I have been able to stop before so if that’s my plan it shouldn’t be an issue. I honestly don’t want to drink but it’s the only thing that I can think that will make me feel any better right now.
But you won’t feel better. You won’t stop at a few. Actually you might stop at a few once or twice. Maybe even 3 or 4 times. But eventually you will remember why you stopped drinking. We get worse, never better when it comes to this.
5 months is nothing to shake a stick at pal! It’s amazing! Don t give that up. Maybe a meeting will help you. You could dress cute and go there😉
At AA I learned that my drinking was just a symptom of my disease. I learned how to not not only quit drinking but how to truely deal with the emptiness I felt inside. I learned how to forgive myself and deal with all the negative shit in my head. And that’s the miracle. Because I thought I was so unique in these feelings. I thought nobody could possible understand the sorrow inside me. But these people did. And they knew how to help.
Congratulations on your time pal! Don’t drink! Please. There is no problem that you have that a drink won’t make worse. Trust me
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Someone here said, “Play the tape until the end.”. I think about that all the time.
So let’s say you get all cute and dressed up. You go out, have a couple, laugh, get carefree and have a great time. My guess is that a few hours later, some pretty big guilt and shame will hit. You worked your butt off to get sober for five huge months. Best case scenario? You let that go for a couple of hours of emotional escape.
Likely scenario? You drink a couple - and it’s great. Tomorrow you drink a few more…and soon you are right back where you started. At least, I know that’s what would happen with me.
You reached out here. My hope is that means you really don’t want to go back out. You just want to stop feeling shitty. Please, please give yourself today to watch a movie, eat ice cream, call a buddy, anything except drink. Give yourself a little time to think through making that choice before you make it. Please? We all feel like this sometimes. It will pass. Stay strong.
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“If I stop after a couple then it should be fine. I have been able to stop before so if that’s my plan it shouldn’t be an issue.”
If you could, you’d be a “normal resonsible drinker”. It wouldn’t be an issue if you were 100% able to stop, without any problem doing so.
If you were this person, you wouldn’t be here posting about the inner struggle you are having.
If you were this person, you wouldn’t be turning to alcohol to give you confidence and self-worth.
But you aren’t this person. Each and every one of us here has a problem with our DOC. Booze. Drugs. Porn. Sex. Food. Self-harm. Each of us has at sometime sought answers in addiction.
Choose to be strong, and then be strong. Choose to be confident, and then be confident. Choose to be mentally tough, and then be mentally tough.
The answer is within you. Not in a bottle, at a bar, wearing a cocktail dress.
Choose to be the person you’ve always wanted to be, and then be that person. Time’s wasting. Get after it.
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I promise you, that if you can fight off those feelings, and power through the rest of your day, you will feel SO good about yourself one you lay down for bed tonight. Every time I get to that point of the day, I breathe a sigh of relief, and I’m just super proud of myself, I can just lay down and breathe easy. And you’ll definitely thank yourself in the morning 
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Thank you everyone for your responses. I was feeling really low that day but I managed to not drink and I’m so glad I stuck to that. Reading what you had to say made me realize it wouldn’t be worth it to throw away five months of sobriety. I will keep pushing through.
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That’s great to hear!