I just want to be able to say “I dont drink” and be okay with it .
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One day at a time love. You’ll be far along enough in your sobriety journey someday, where you feel so good and at peace and at that moment you will soon realize that even your lowest days sober are so much better than any day you were loaded with the addictive poison.
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That time will come eventually. Sober for 19 months myself and ok with it most of the time.
It’s seldom now, but sometimes I have cravings and when I do I’m not ok with the fact I can’t drink.
But I know I can’t and why. This life is soooo much better then my drinking one!
Take care!
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I never tell myself or others that I don’t drink (though many in sobriety do). I say to myself that I could have a drink, sure, but not today. Maybe tomorrow but not today. What helps me is, when I’m feeling that I want a glass of wine is to think about how dreadful I will feel the next day.
Because we know, don’t we, that it won’t be just one, it’ll be 2 bottles…
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I think what happens to us in our heads is thinking of things like final, ending, never again is scary to us.
I’m not saying we should stay with our addictions. But I mean it’s like clothing we’ve worn for years. It’s comfortable, it’s familiar.
It’s also built right into our brains: we have created neural pathways in our brains with our addictions, we’ve created stimulus-response patterns that are very, very well established. We’ve taken the “reward circuits” of our brain and wired them in a very specific way. That’s part of what makes this so hard. Reward is a natural part of life: it’s how we make progress. Finishing your homework is an achievement, and it makes us feel good. Finishing cooking a delicious meal - same thing. Planning the perfect date. Finishing a run. These are all healthy and rewarding activities.
For us in recovery at some point we started making reward pathways connected to our drug. We made routines. We learned to fixate, to obsess. And now when we think of “never again”, it’s like trying to rip out a part of ourselves.
One of the posters above made a really good point: it helps to think of it as just for today. I’d also suggest joining a group of some type. You’ve been relapsing for a while now so if you’re trying it by yourself it might be time to introduce something new. Take a look & find one that you like, feel free to visit different groups:
Resources for our recovery
Never give up. You are a good person, you matter, and you deserve a sober, healthy life. 
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You’ll get there, I can only speak of my experience but it was easier for me to let go because I was truly desperate and willing to go to any lengths to be sober.
Don’t think, don’t drink
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I suggest being active in a sober community, reading books about addiction and my favorite listening to addiction podcasts. These are the things that have worked for me so far, maybe some of them could help you too.
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I understand, I wanted that so badly as well and was so amazed at people on here with 2 weeks, 3, 6 9 months, a year!! I couldn’t imagine EVER getting that far in sobriety. I could barely manage a week for years and years…so I feel you in wanting to get there.
Thing is, it takes some time. We have to build up some sober muscles and get thru some days. Then we find a more peaceful place in sobriety where the struggle is much less. It DOES happen.
Be gentle with your self and your process. I found keeping my focus on sobriety today was helpful.
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I just say “Not drinking tonight”
“Long day” or “Gotta be up early”
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Amen to that! I’ve been on my journey since March and have relapsed a couple times, nothing too outrages but still a relapse all the same. We’ll get there!!
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Congratulations 
and yes we will
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day 3 has been my downfall…i don’t get it 
…but I’m trying…day 4 is my new goal …then a week …
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Chemical withdrawal from alcohol is really strong around 72 hours… your brain is freaking because of chemistry changes… you got this, it’s like lifting weights at a gym, takes practice to get your numbers up
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You got this ELO one day at a time. I go alot on youtube and sometimes not even look at the video just the comments on the bottom they help me from time to time. Like look up benefits of quiting alcohol or being sober. See if it helps you remember everyone is different so what may work for me may or may not work for you. I think in order to stay sober sometimes is a combination of things, you just need to find the combination thats right for you, what works for you. Saty sober be strong show the addiction who’s boss around here lol
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You can do it E. Try not to think about numbers too much. There’s a reason for the sober saying, “one day at a time”. We addicts have a history of setting unreasonable standards for ourselves. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing a big change. Take it one day at a time, just say to yourself, I’m just getting through today - tomorrow will come, tomorrow. That’s all you have to do. (It’s like a marathon. You think about the whole thing and you’re going to discourage yourself. All you have to do is take one more step. The rest happens later and you don’t have to think about it now.)
Be gentle, be kind. You’re a good person working on a good thing. Be soft with yourself and give yourself space to feel, to live your life one day at a time. (In fact - the less you worry about the numbers, I bet, the better you’ll do. It’s weird but it works. 
)
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Ive definitely noticed that reading about others and how they are moving forward…including this platform…is super helpful to see others relate to my struggle but to also see that freedom from this vice is possible.
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Ahhhhhh yes …it makes sense … cuz at those 72 hours I start wanting to find a way to the liquor store 
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