Allowing others to affect my joy

No thoughts of using any substances despite a very tough emotional day with my boyfriend who has lately brought me to be a person I don’t want to be. A person who is yelling, frustrated and angry. It’s tough when two people love each other and ending that partnership would be the end of something that could’ve been beautiful, but I can’t do all the work, leaving me with little to no emotional energy to personally thrive. I love him. I have the words. He does not. I learn and do things differently. He pretends to listen, but doesn’t hear and repeats the same behaviors time and time again despite my feelings. I’m not sure what to do, but I do know I will not alter my brain with any substances and pray that all else follows and falls into place however that may be.


Britchida is an amazing emotion visual artist who captures complex ideas simply and powerfully.
Your story made me think of this piece of hers. You should totally check out her stuff on IG


Thank you. Will do! I write and I am do art journaling too. I appreciate your response❤️


I wish I could help but I don’t know much on this part of recovery cause I’m still single n so haven’t. Done this sobor n clean yet but I know relationship due alot with forgiveness bout all I know really wish u the best tho

Im guilty of this. Actually I think anyone in a relationship is guilty of this at some level. We as people use each other. Its in our nature. And thats ok because we need each other. Idk. My relationship with my wife is one sided at times. She does way more than I ever could, or try to even the odds. Shes an angel, God has shown me there is real good in people.

That being said, I have checked out mentally before. And I mean when I felt like my needs were being neglected, I would just get drunk and say fuck ALL. And I would tell myself if shes not going to try to make things work, neither am I.

But that was all me making a monster out of her and I. All shes ever wanted to do is get a long and for me to engage. I had to realize on my own what an ass I was being. I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO FIX IT. Quitting the daily shitshow of drinking was 90% or more of my/our problem. We were both drinking to deal with each others shit. Once it was gone, so were the problems.

Idk if this helps, and I’ve rambled on long enough just to say, keep coming back here, it seems to help at least for your sake.