Almost, I was a snap away

Ive been proud of myself for getting to day 6…
until my boyfriend and I got into a fight this evening before I was suppose to go to a AAmeeting. Well I ended up flipping at him, when I get mad I get mad, punch the wall usually. Cut myself etc.
So we got in a big fight and he said how many days 6s do I have to go threw. This is the third time.
I’m proud and he was mad when I told him my counseller didn’t care he was like wtf but when we got into a fight he didn’t care either, I lie to him, I did this and this and this in my past. And I try to tell him I’m changing. I’m really trying. And he just threw more and more.
I get I was being a bitch to but I always try to make it better where he never does. Because he doesn’t want to deal with it and fight.
We never talk about our fights and that’s why we fight about the same shit over and over again.
Anyways. I punched the wall made a couple hole. Almost relaped. ANND I didn’t. This was the first time I’ve been mad mad and didn’t drink or smoke weed.
I hate my boyfriend right now, he doesn’t understand anything and he knows how happy I was to get to day 4 & 5 & 6 then he throws it in my face.
What’s the point on living half the time… no friends no family boyfriend doesn’t give a fuck. I’m in debt, I need to fix a wall and a window…

I felt with it sober and I e never thought about suicide so much in my life.

Besides that. The beginning of my day wasn’t bad.

Thanks for reading.

2 Likes

Hang in there :blush:
Im glad you made it through!!

2 Likes

THANK YOU!! This site has been helping so so much! I need the support from people who knows that’s going on!

3 Likes

Sounds like me my bf fights but u got this just take a walk and scream as loud as u can it works for me are write what ur feeling down and go back tomorrow read it and i promise ur going. Look back at like i almost gave my day 7 up for that… U feel much better on day 7 reading it ans showing ur bf u made it today 7.

2 Likes

I had a lot of drama at work today and it frayed my nerves a bit. I stood my ground, got my way and found out something very valuable out of all of it.

For years a day like this would be solved with alcohol when I got home from work. Today I recounted the whole experience to some coworkers in a team meeting during the afternoon. They really liked that.

3 Likes

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Everything you listed is in your power to conquer.

Boyfriend troubles? Get a new one.

No friends? Good. Solitude is great for growth, and later a better you will make better friends.

Holes in the wall? Break out the spackle and paint. Since you will be single, no one to set you off, and no more holes.

In debt? Get sober, get a better job, make more money. Pay off the debt.

Most things have a solution, including addiction. You just need to be willing to act.

3 Likes