Ive been proud of myself for getting to day 6…
until my boyfriend and I got into a fight this evening before I was suppose to go to a AAmeeting. Well I ended up flipping at him, when I get mad I get mad, punch the wall usually. Cut myself etc.
So we got in a big fight and he said how many days 6s do I have to go threw. This is the third time.
I’m proud and he was mad when I told him my counseller didn’t care he was like wtf but when we got into a fight he didn’t care either, I lie to him, I did this and this and this in my past. And I try to tell him I’m changing. I’m really trying. And he just threw more and more.
I get I was being a bitch to but I always try to make it better where he never does. Because he doesn’t want to deal with it and fight.
We never talk about our fights and that’s why we fight about the same shit over and over again.
Anyways. I punched the wall made a couple hole. Almost relaped. ANND I didn’t. This was the first time I’ve been mad mad and didn’t drink or smoke weed.
I hate my boyfriend right now, he doesn’t understand anything and he knows how happy I was to get to day 4 & 5 & 6 then he throws it in my face.
What’s the point on living half the time… no friends no family boyfriend doesn’t give a fuck. I’m in debt, I need to fix a wall and a window…
I felt with it sober and I e never thought about suicide so much in my life.
Besides that. The beginning of my day wasn’t bad.
Thanks for reading.