Feeling like a complete and utter failure ! Drink is ruining everything around me ! Need help and support . Feel sorry for my children dont want them seeing me like a drunken mess !,
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Hey Rainbow.
I highly recommend checking in daily to keep focus in the checking daily to maintain focus thread.
I also recommend finding some activities to fill time like, running, cycling, working out, meditation/mindfulness, crafts, drawing, reading etc.
I also recommend reading on this forum a lot on this forum and asking questions if you have any.
You can make sobriety a lot easier. It’s really hard to think about staying sober for the rest of my life. If i think, do i want to stay sober for the rest of my life? i think hell no. But I can and want to stay sober for today. The next day, i also think i can stay sober for today. and so on.
Don’t think about not using for life but think about not using today. Do that every day, and it gets way easier. If you are very deep in the shit, you can even think, I’ll stay sober the next 5 minutes.
Don’t listen to your mind, your mind will not stop being a dick, it will be a dick less and less, but it will never fully stop being a dick.
If you have cravings, just play the tape. By that I mean, pretend that you abuse again, then try foreseeing the future. Will it be all butterflies and roses, because you feel so awesome when relapsing, or will it be shame, self-disgust and disappointment?
When your mind tells you that you can use once, that’s bullshit, the biggest bullshit ever. Your addiction just tries to find a way to get satisfied.
I also recommend following the twelve step-program with a sponsor.
I hope this helps
Good luck, you’ve got this. 
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I honestly think you need more support than just this app. Maybe consider AA meetings. I know you have anxiety in groups but why not try them online. You don’t have to turn your camera on or share, just sit and listen. There’s tons of zoom meetings on the aa website or you can try intherooms.com. i wish you the best.
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Hey Rainbow; what’s the thing that keeps you going to the drink? I know you want it; your old posts sound so hopeful. You need to do everything in your power to make this happen! Nothing should be off the table where your sobriety, family and health are concerned.
This quote from you makes me know you want it;
“Looked out of my window at the beautiful sky & thought i deserve better than what ive been doing to myself smiled with how happy im feeling !!!”
I dont know the feel that I need to binge all wkend ! Ive never felt so down and depressed I hate the way it makes me feel yet still continue. Thanks ive joined some of the online groups. Ive put so much weight on through drink my aim is to take it one day at a time & start looking after myself.
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One day at a time is all we can handle sometimes. Just remember when you fall down to always get back up.
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Go for it fellow struggler!
That is the best place to start and we’re here with you 
Thank you for all your help and support
Maybe try a zoom meeting im sure the young ladies on her will put you right wish you well
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Try a meeting, they help. Now where have I heard that before, LOL 
@Ray_M_C_Laren. Seriously they do help… 
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Thanks ive took part in an online meeting not got the confidence to speak due to my anxiety but It was good to listen to others
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Keep doing the online meetings and just keep listening. If they help even just a little, that’s better than nothing. I spent days listening and finally one day I felt I was ready to share. You may never want to share and that’s ok too.
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