It’s hard to envision life without alcohol. What worked for me was to not think about “forever”, just today. I felt at ease if I could just take it one day at a time.
Days turned to weeks, weeks in to months. Eventually, long term sobriety felt better.
Even now, more than 3 years later, I wonder if I will I be sober forever? I don’t know, I’d like to, but you never know. All I know is I’ll be sober today.
As far as being an alcoholic, that’s a personal journey to get to that decision. There’s textbook meaning, then there is what is in your heart of hearts. Don’t worry about it now, it’ll come.
For what it’s worth… here is What an Alcoholic Really Looks Like