Sooo…i have some work to do on identifying boundaries for myself
Im struggling to define the difference between drive and discipline and addictive behavior. My sponsor says its intentions. So im goin thru this internal dialogue of at what point is ambition unhealthy for me.
I have this desire to constantly improve. I want to get better whether thats monetarily, physically, mentally, spiritually. I dont think anything is innately wrong with that desire. I think what fuels my actions to excess is a feeling of not good enough. I dont feel good enough because theres always ways to improve. This can be exhausting. So where do these feelings stem from and how can i balance my ambition and have a sense of im good enough?
This is a big realization to know you are teetering between the two. Addictive behavior can overtake any of our daily tasks or ambitions. It is scary that we find it in everyday thinking and doing and not just in our DOC"s.
I am glad that you are talking it out with your sponsor and giving notice to the behavior so to speak that you are aware of its destruction an are working on a healthier You!
Please know that you are a wonderful caring woman with such drive and gumption! Very inspiring to be around and in awe of how you have turned your life around and keep kicking ass daily! You for sure are GOOD ENOUGH! Hoping you are able to start seeing it yourself and believing this to be true. Sending hugs and love my friend.
You have come so very far in your journey! You have changed your life for the better for sure. And have inspired others to do the same, just by sharing your story. I know for sure at least me!!! If habit is healthy and keeps you on the right path. Then it can’t be bad thing, right. Self growth and care is always important. And I am far mental health professionals. But keep doing you, I know, I don’t know you personally but you awesome person in my book.
I agree with @JazzyS and @Von100 you are a brilliant person . I’m glad you posted the worries your working through because I feel the same way a lot of the time .my therapist is working through them with me the poor soul your certainly not alone
I can definitely relate to your struggle and your desire to continuously improve. While I certainly don’t have an answer to your question, there are two things I have learned to recognize as undesirable:
Not being able to pause and take stock, to enjoy, cherish and celebrate what you have achieved already because your brain is telling you to keep chasing more and starts anxious thought patterns in a status quo.
Inability to achieve the (impossibly?) high targets you set yourself resulting in thoughts of failure and depression.
‘Normal’ people are apparently able to happily occupy the space between ‘smashing targets’ and ‘failure’, that’s something I have not been able to do, yet. Hope this ramble helps a bit?
I think it is obsession but then again, I think obsession isn’t always bad. Some of the world’s greatest innovators were and are obsessed with what they are trying to achieve and where would we be without them?
What I would consider unhealthy is when adversity and failure drive you to making disastrous decisions such as drinking, using, SH etc.
Thank you @Von100 for reminding me how far ive come and its ok to smell the roses and not get complacent. I think some of my drive to go go go is fear of falling back into a sedentary, desperate place of addiction. Thank you for helping me see that
Thank you @19801 this community is amazing and i appreciate the reminder that others struggle with finding a healthy balance as well
2nd concert sober and i fucking loved it. Rocked out. Learned theres a genre called disco metal and punktry?! I had a full circle moment. I heard the headliner when i was like 13 lost, so lost. I fell in love with the opener because the pain in there songs. Tonight i didnt crave, i rocked out, and i felt a peace, joy, and happiness that had always alluded me. How fucking fantastic is this?! Lifes not sunshine and butterflies 24/7 but when i get these moments i just try to breathe it in and be present. I get more of these moments in sobriety. I had zero the last couple years of my drinking career.
Wow I can relate to your list…I was a mess. Thankful to be 464 days sober. My life is changing but it is still hard to deal with the aftermath of me drinking for so many years. Sounds like you have a great sponsor,keep doing the work.
your certainly not alone 
