Thank you @TrustyBird
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Happy sober Saturday.Well u say it when you are ready …
Only you can define if you are or not…
Are u out collecting DUIs …doesnt look that way
Just stick around and learn about yourself
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30 days free from weed and alcohol today. Im exhausted. Work wasnt too much it was showing up and sharing at an in person AA meeting after work that just zapped me. I went to this meeting for selfish reasons, i wanted to collect my 30 day chip. They clapped, i loved it. I shared too, didnt want to go first…waited for like the 3rd awkward silence. Hi im cjp and im an alcoholic. I have 30 days today. Im used to online meetings. Theres something about announcing youre an alcoholic in a room full of people that makes it real. I cried, but i went with the intention of finding a sponsor. I left the meeting with an envelope (front and back) filled with womens names and numbers. One lady pulled me outside and said shes looking for a sponsee. Idk how do you decide? Anyways she invited me to an all women meeting on thursday. I think im gonna go. Im fucking too exhausted to drink. Yea! One day at a time…
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Yay! Congratulations on 30 days!!
It’s still my favorite milestone. I started to see all the benefits of sobriety, cut toxic people out of my life and had a new found confidence that allowed me to finally change careers. I no longer felt stuck in my crappy life.
Keep up the good work. I enjoy in person meetings more than online but it took getting to know the ladies to get there. As far as a sponsor, you can ask her if she’ll be a temporary one while you figure out if you’re the right fit for each other. If it goes well, then great but if it doesn’t then no hard feelings, look for another.
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Thanks @Lisa07 im nervous about just going with the first eager sponsor. Im analytical and want to weigh pros and cons of a sponsor but its hard to do that. Idk i dont want to get stuck with a shitty sponsor…id be too nice to break up with them. i’ll wing it and just see how the ladies meeting goes. Is it rude to want a sponsor with atleast 2 years sober?
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I totally understand the breaking up part. There’s no hurry. Take your time and listen to their shares over and over. When you hear one that sits well with you and you want what she has then you’ll know she’s the one. Good luck and keep us posted.
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Just woke up to a super intense using dream, full of symbolism. I cant remember it all but i was 31 days sober and my world was crumbling down around me. People in my life were using me and I was stressed and all i could say was im trying to hold it together. Ill make it to 45 days and then Im using before i have to get back to my responsibilities ( college, even though ive been graduated for 12 years). Some so called friends shoot me in the head but I survive. The dream ends with my hubby self sacrificing himself to become a chimp … idk what that symbolizes. Lol
I know these using dreams are just me processing my fears and newfound sobriety. I dont remember all the emotions but I was sober, a skinnier version of myself, under a whole lot of pressures, and just trying to negotiate my sobriety one more day. Old best friends were using me as i physically fought with them. I awoke suddenly to a feeling of confusion and relief it was just a dream.
Alcohol. You asshole. You dont have a monopoly on my life anymore. I will keep fighting this fight, one day at a time.
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I still have crazy vivid dreams. Most of them aren’t using. Occasionally I have them.
A recovery mentor congratulated me once for getting loaded without having to start over. It took their power away.
Get to know a potential sponsor. Maybe do some step one work with her and feel it out.
It is awkward firing sponsors. I just tell them I’m not ready and leave it at that.
I have never done any step work with the wrong sponsor that didn’t help me. I like to know the person has similar values as I do before I commit. If I figure out that person doesn’t have what I want, I sail on.
The best sponsors work out of the big book and 12 and 12.
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I would maybe think if it less as “Am I an alcoholic?” and more of “Do I have a problem with alcohol?”
I prefer the latter thought because it is less defining me as my problem and more recognizing I am a human with a problem.
I would say you do have a problem- because I recognize some of my use in that. I don’t moderate. I can’t, even if I plan to do so. But it’s not daily. So some people may not consider that a traditional “alcoholic”. But I know I have a problem and need to stay sober.
It’s up to you to paint your narrative. It just depends on what you want it to be.
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@Lysbel thank you for this fresh perspective. I agree with you whole heartedly! I hope you have a wonderful sober day
Night time gratitude time!
edit this post started on the gratitude thread but evolved into a novel so instead of commondearing that thread i thought this might be a better spot
So much to be greatful for today but one specific thing sticks out. At my folks house for my dads bday. My hubby was supposed to meet me there at 530. He was late, hes chronically late. So first thing i say to him is “you are late”. Off to a rough start. He has some snide comments. Oh well move on. During dinner hes talking with his mouth full, right up in my face. Its a huge pet peeve of mine, annoys me, and feels disrespectful. I told him to stop talking with his mouth full. In which he responds with a few very disrespectful comments which my teenage nieces hear. Im embarassed for the way he spoke to me. In retrospect i could have asked nicer for him to finish chewing before talking. BUT he’s going through alot with his mental health, feeling useless, and hating what he does for work. I bite my tongue. I pause and reflect.
I avoid him the the rest of the night at my folks. Go to my zoom aa meeting. Avoid him somemore at home all while thinking about how i should approach it with him. Should i say something?Then he asks if we can spend sometime together.
If youve made it this far in my rambling…this is where im proud of myself and greatful for my work in recovery. I gave the situation thoughtful consideration, debated with myself on whether to say anything, and determined i had to say something bc the way he spoke to me was not acceptable no matter what hes going thru.
So, Then he asks if we can spend sometime together. I calmly tell him i dont want to. Im embarassed by how he spoke to me in front of my nieces and its not acceptable. How Im trying to be considerate of how hes struggling but… so he storms off and leaves the house. ( he has complex childhood trauma and cant always communicate during these uncomfortable situations)
Then after he left and cooled down for awhile he came back tearful and asked for a hug bc hes struggling.
Im upset but can get over it to support my hubby. He shares that hes been having dark thoughts all day. Im proud i kept a level head and was able to communicate calmly and effectively. I offer my love, support, encouragement, and soft advice during his breakdown. After we come together and make a plan for him to make one healthy step to combat his negative, depressed, suicidal state, he apologizes for talking to me the way he did. Hes fearful ill leave him amongst other things. We come together and finish the night off strong.
If we had been drinking. This WHOLE situation would have ended up terribly. I can almost guarantee 100%. Yeah sobriety!!
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Checking in day 47 free from weed and alcohol. Im seriously conflicted. Every year my extended family gets together at a family cabin on the lake for a family reunion. Ive only missed one year in my entire life due to work. Yes, i started a new job but they are pretty lenient with pto so i think i could get the days off.
BIG PROBLEM its a huge booze fest. Drinking all day everyday for a week. In the past that meant party. But im new in my sobriety and im seriously conflicted. I mean going through trauma therapy growing up this place is/was my happy, safe place. Now im fearful. I want to protect my sobriety. Also i dont want to be annoyed by the drunkards. Im torn.
Thoughts?
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I didn’t really read anywhere in there where you say you want to go. Skip it!
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If it’s going to be triggering for you, you shouldn’t go. You will be around obnoxious drunk people also. You have to feel strong and secure in your sobriety And 100% determined not to drink
. If it’s close enough to your house where you can drive over there for a few hours you could try that, Only and if you feel like you would be strong enough to spend just a little time there and leave. Might be too far to do that. I understand why you want to be there I also
know that you don’t want to lose your sobriety.
I was always around people who drank, but I also knew for sure I was not going to drink, there was never any question about it.
Good luck to you on this I hope when you make up your mind that you will be happy with it and know that it is the best for you and your sobriety.
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@Gorden interesting perspective. Maybe im sad bc i dont want to go because every year in the past i have looked forward to going. Thanks for the reply!
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@Alisa its 9 hours away from home. I know i have to do whats right for my sobriety and maybe that means not going this year. I will have to consider this
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You have an excellent reason not to go. You’ve started a new job and need to be your best self to be successful in this new endeavor. No need to jeopardize your well being at this time and people who care about you will understand what it means to want to be successful in a new job. Hoping for the best for you!
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I just reread most of this thread. You’ve put in a lot of work to get where you are. I think that’s great! I just know if it was me (and I have similar drunk fest family gatherings) there would be a good chance I would slip at this event. I mean, a whole week!?! Or, I would have absolutely no fun being around that (a whole week!?!) You yourself said, “BIG PROBLEM”. This just doesn’t seem like a good idea for your sobriety. On top of all of that, it sounds like you have a new job. You want to burn a whole week off from that right away for something like this? This whole scenario is stressing me out!
Not going may also serve as a signal that you have changed. Heck, you may even emerge as a leader in the family to others that struggle but feel obligated.
Just my thoughts as I put myself in your shoes. I know it’s tough. Good luck!
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