That is so much fun to read from you! I’m glad you had such a super time of it.
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You are a miracle CJ. Thanks for sharing your miracle with us and spreading the word to others. 
You’re brave.
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So brave girl. You absolute firecracker 
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@Cjp … good for you!! That is a big thing and you did it. Another step in your sober journey. How great to have the support of your friends from your home group. Now you can breathe! 
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Happy for you!!! 
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High on life celebrating recovery! I love it!
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Girl, I am so very happy for you and so very proud of you! You did a huge thing and I’m so glad that it feels so liberating.
Very happy to hear that you had such support from your home group too. Lots of love…
Upwards and onwards my friend… you are absolutely crushing it. 
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Way to go @Cjp. I wish I was there to support you. Always love when ladies share their stories. I’ve shared mine a few times and still nervous when I start but I do feel amazing once I’m done.
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You guys are amazing. The fellowship here and in alcoholics anonymous is life changing! Sending so much love
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Holy buckets its 330am where im at and im wide awake. I’ll blame my sensitivities to the interstellar comet coming so close to earth tonight (3I/ATLAS)…just fascinating.
I am beyond greatful for the connections i have made thru this community and the ladies in my aa homegroup. A big instigator of my addiction was the lack of connection to my fellows. In sobriety I have found comfort amongst people with the 1st hand knowledge of the struggle of addiction and the desire to improve. Its crazy the similarities in our paths across all addictions. For the first time in a long time i feel real friendship.
Last night at my aa home group a friend celebrated 37 years of sobriety and a newcomer celebrated a hard fought 30 days after going back out after years of sobriety. Its enriching to share the recovery path with others as everyones shares help me grow and be a better me and get outside myself and be of service. No day is guaranteed. A new day, and a sober day are blessed gifts from who idk but its a gift.
Hopefully i can be present today for my fellows and live a principled life
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Day 1333
Sleep is elusive. Atleast i got 6hrs last night. I dont like disruptions to routine as it can cause severe anxiety and spark a manic episode. Im trying to navigate a reduction of meds and at this point im wondering if i need to go back. I have this deep sense of having to mask my increased energy but hell its the holidays maybe i just roll with it. Who cares if i annoy people if i talk too much or am too loud or am all over the place. This is who i can be sometimes.
Im not at work. Im not supervising. I dont have to be level and stable. Maybe this is me giving myself permission to just be. No mask. High anxiety/mania whatever is going on with my restless mind.
Yesterday i felt a pull to go to an AA meeting before the holidays. I hit up a meeting i have been to once before years ago and a friendly face was walking around asking people to chair. Im from the lineage that you do not turn down a service opportunity if you are able to assist…so i chaired the meeting and i had to bring the topic lol well shit. In my manic, lanic i ask the man to my left give me one word. His word was tired and i searched my digital big book for “tired” i came to page 53 and it was an entry on faith
It was a fitting page reminding me of how lost i was before, what comfort faith has brought me and a reminder to lean on my faith in the higher power that helped me to get sober when tired (and cycling). I can not control people…just enjoy the ride cjp.
Some man ive never seen in the rooms had a heartfelt share that brought greatful, happy tears to my eyes. I was overcome with grace. My mind was rushing. My energy was high. But in that moment i had peace and respect for the way ones higher power can communicate if we are open to it
The program of alcoholics anonymous and the 12 steps have given me a second (third?) Chance at life and a happy life at that. I reflect on how far ive come in the last 3+ years and its truely a miracle…the mental and spiritual shift is miraculous and i owe that to those who led the way.
Greatful, manic cjp checking in christmas eve 2025
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I was just thinking where I had to mask at work who I am and it’s been many years back in 2019 in quality operations. I did it for 3 months and let to stationary therapy and then we’ll not so good development in this company.
I hope you let yourself be who you are and enjoy your Christmas. 
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Thanks so much @Puzzled happy christmas eve
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Much love friend. So proud of your ability to chair and spread support.
Glad you are allowing yourself to be you…no need to modify or mask. This is a beautiful reminder that we can be ourselves …hoping you have a wonderful holiday season
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Beautiful!
I am reminded how often I give myself permission to just be myself too. I think true acceptance is really core to cracking this addiction and whole health code.
Thanks for showing us how.
Merry Christmas CJP. Please give the Boscosito a gentle boop on his tiny snoot for me.
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Holy buckets its christmas post day. Jeez am i glad we survived christmas shenanigans. All the excitement and hussle and bussel give me anxiety but we had a good 3hrs with my family and 3hrs with hubbys family. I dont like the commercialism of the holiday but just a few gifts hit the spot. Feeling blessed for healthy, happy family.
Im greatful today i get to get back to the gym and a 90min groupon message past cjp planned for me! Drinking my morning coffee in silence with Boscosito in gratitude
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3.7yrs sober from weed and alcohol
Day 1350
Wow i had another emdr session and boy does that work on me. Im a huge advocate for therapy and i just realized insurance wont pay for therapy unless someone has a diagnosis. Technically according to insurance i am in alcohol use disorder remission after one year. Now im thankful for my bipolar type 2 diagnosis as i get the opportunity to continue therapy and process life on lifes terms with an impartial 3rd party.
Im amazed at emdr and how much i was holding on to these false beliefs that i was a failure and weak because i couldnt control my thoughts and emotions and suicidal ideation and attempts at the peak of my mental health crisis. Then when i got treatment and found meds that helped me manage i swore to myself never to forget that deep pit of hopeless despair to be greatful for how far ive come. My thoughts shifted from im a failure and out of control to cjp 1.0 was sick. I can have compassion for her. I am not a failure and i dont have to continue to remind myself of how far i was gone to prevent myself from falling into that depressive despair again. I am cjp 4.0. Im sober. I have healthy coping strategies. I lean on my support system. I have meds that help. I can let go of the past and move forward knowing i am not a failure and its ok to be content. I am enough. Look how far ive come!
That was intense. My eyes and mind are tired from the like 40min session and so much makes sense. Its like i intellectually knew but didnt know these thoughts, beliefs and emotions were frozen in time.
If you have trauma and are suffering please please please find a mental health practioner who does EMDR therapy. Its amazing how it works
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I looked at a clinic yesterday that might be covered by my insurance. They do EMDR but I thought that is those noises that people listen to?!?! I really hate that wierd noise thing but I think I’m confused maybe?!
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Absolutely amazing! You have come a long way and I love this for you. Grateful that you have started EMDR and are finding it to be so helpful. It really does unlock a lot within you so do remember to be gentle with yourself afterwards.
Grateful that you were able to get a diagnosis and get it covered by insurance 
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EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
I did not have any sounds linked to my session. The therapist asked me to create a safe space in my mind that I would be able to revert to if things got too intense (the space would have to hit all the senses like for me I picked a beach and I would have to feel the sand, hear the water, taste the salt in the air etc…)
If you are able to get this in your area I would highly recommend you trying it out. It works wonders but also important like with any therapy to get a good therapist who is well versed with the technique.
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