I think you are thinking of ASMR. 
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They can use oscillating music, a light bar, and or buzzing paddles. I think i like just the light bar. I was able to process my rape ptsd with light bar and oscillating music
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Alright I will see if my health insurance will do it at the clinic i saw, Or I’ll have a look for a practitioner. Thankyou 
appreciate reply x
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Checking in sober with sore hipflexors
1364 days free from weed and alcohol…countdown to 4 full years sober
2.49 years free from nicotine
4 days post excessive sugar
Current state: racing thoughts, forgetful, sleep deprived, and quite possibly manic
Issue: finances
I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to get married because i never want a divorce. Just like i quit playing sports when i realized i would never win. Anyways. My love wore me down after pursuing me for nearly 15yrs off and on. We came together again in 2017. He took care of me after a surgery and i could see us growing old together. But i always knew finances would have to be seperate. Hes a spender. Im a saver. We fought about money just dating. I wanted to protect myself. He agrees to a prenup.
I was able to purchase a house and mortgage with a small inheritance from my grandfather. I was insistant the house remains in my name. Got a prenup and agreed to seperate finances. Married in 2021. Here we are nearly 5yrs married, 4 years sober, in marriage counseling working on communication and identifying common goals. This man is asking when his name will be on the deed. I shook my head. I was proud i took the step to get a revokable transfer upon death deed so the house goes to hubby if i die. I shared that with him briefly and he asked when his name would be on the deed. I said you get the house tax free upon my death but if we divorce its mine. The tempature in the room rose, he had to get to work, and the convo got tabled.
Im frustrated. I would have drank at this uncomfortable miscommunication or lack of understanding in the past. I dont want to feel like im veing used and he doesnt want to feel like i have a foot outside the marriage. We are at a standstill. I dont feel comfortable talking about this in marriage counseling because the therapist already said combined finances is best. No. I was clear from the beginning. He agreed. This is a non issue as long as we stay married. If he doesnt think were going to get a divorce drop it. I dont see that happening. Many more uncomfortable convos to come
Wish me peace with the unresolved elephant in the house
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We sound similar CJ. My husband and I have a similar long courtship because I always thought I wasn’t the marrying type either. Some days I still think I’m not.
I’m team separate finances for dual income couples. We keep ours separate and thats how I like it. Keep talking it out in therapy, I’m envious you are going. Not much advice but I just want you to know you are heard. Hug that Boscosito for me and keep one for yourself. 
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Thanks @TrustyBird i appreciate your support. I dont like this limbo. I wish we could reestablish an understanding. He thinks were good but idk if he knows how much these convos bother me
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I think you have to keep telling him. I think your boundary about the house is one of safety.
Keep doing the good work.
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Oh Lord, my bloodpressure rose.
From my own experience: You bought it with your money, you keep it at your hands and yours only!
I made the mistake to sign for mutual property despite I payed for everything and had to payout my ex 3 times the amount his half was worth when I bought the farm because I built the new house - from my money. So my fucking loving dumbness cost me a fortune (here you could buy a medium appartment from it).
Here it’s common to have your finances seperated and I would never ever dare to try anybody get hold on my finances or share my income on a joint account. Who pays for what is an agreement. To be discussed and mutually agreed.
I’m sorry you are stuck in this limbo. And I would fire the therapist, saying combined finances is best is such a false, dangerous bullshit that robbed millions of women off their financial foundation, oh I would come over and lecture this ignorant idiot about women and finances 
Hugs Cj
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Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate it. Its definitely about safety
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absolutely, i cannot emphasize enough that safety and your own financial security is not negotiable.
i’ve seen too many great women turning down their guard, believing in their marriage and ending with nothing, or worth, their ex’s debts 
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The term discernment has crossed my path multiple times this week which seems like a sign
…to see beyond the obvious and see what is true
I feel like i have discernment. The Pause helps with perspective. I wonder what this sign means for me…hmmm
Things calmed down with hubby. Looked at the math and realized hes paying 50% of household bills outside mortgage so it helped that our marriage counselor gave him the perspective that hes living rent free. Idk the whole convos gave me the ick but i can understand from his perspective wanting security. I will continue to encourage him to be a better steward of his funds but he is a grown man and we do keep seperate funds. Ah the complexities of relationships. This week it feels worth it.
Thank you all for your input on the thread. Finding my way thru tough situations and emotions can be tough and you guys help me find discernment
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I am very late to this conversation. But i just wanted to share that I am SO proud of u for standing ur ground with regards to ur home AND that u stayed strong in ur recovery (especially in such a tense situation). Glad u were able to find discernment in all of this friend 
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You are quite the discerning young woman. 
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Im feeling inspired tonight. I went to a fundraiser in our local community tonight and they had a peer support worker share their experience. I could relate to his experience. I may not have been homeless but ive been at that point where i gave up on myself and i needed someone to have hope for me.
I found that support in the rooms of aa. They taught me how to live by my values. They taught me a program for living and all the stupid mantras that come in so handy and ring so so true the more sober time i get. It hits different.
We are all miracles. I am a miracle. I felt a power greater than myself remove the obsession from me. That doesnt mean cravings dont come. But there was something otherworldly that helped me get thru those first days and weeks and months. I am amazed and astonished at how i have risen from the ashes of my old life. I am beyond greatful for this chance at a happy sober life. Im not convinced i can get back here if i slip again. I will protect my sobriety like the precious gift it is. Without my sobriety i would not know a peace and joy and laughter ive always dreamed of. I would not know the power of deep soulful connection. I would not know the beauty of life and be happy i survived.
So im coming up on 4 full years sober. I think its time to revamp my personal misson statement. I wrote one early in my career when i was fueled by success and money. Im curious what my personal mission statement will be 15years later…hmmm
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Checking in for an update 47 months free. It f we els like i should be at 5 years already but alas i will be at 4 years may 1st. No rush. Im enjoying life for the most part.
I tried a breathwork session sunday. It was 2.5hrs and 1hour of intense nonstop open-mouth inhales. It was an experience for sure. I guess it raises blood ph levels and can induce hallucinations. Part of me was along for the ride. Some guy hallucinated that he became a giraffe - a significant symbol for him. I didnt hallucinate but found i was the only one holding me back. I search for feel good emotions externally like food, booze, exercise but the answer is within. I have never felt so grounded before. I felt like i was one with the earth and had such an overwhelming sense of wellbeing. I will do it again and maybe now that i know what to expect my psyche wont hold me back.
Anyhoo, i continue to run. I ran a 5k and had 1st in my age range and a pr. Next im training for a 10k in two weeks. Part of me wants to run one nonstop but idk i ran too fast out the gate during my trial sunday so maybe i push for 4mi straight and minimal walk breaks for this one. I signed up for 4 races this year. Thanks to chatgpt for my ramp up prep plan.
Marriage is well. We are in love. Communication is the best its been. Im curious what will come up in therapy after 2m off. Thats next week. So glad we went to marriage counseling. I was so close to divorce. Now we’ll celebrate 5yrs married apr 24th
Life has become so rich since getting sober and i feel like im just getting started. I spent 20 years in a progressive addiction. Ive found hope. Im exploring my faith. My relationships are strong. Now if i can just figure out the best job for me
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For what it’s worth I think you are doing an excellent job being the best CJ you can be. If only that offered PTO and a good 401K…
Congrats, thanks for sharing and keep kicking ass.
Tell my friend Boscosito that his new haircut looks very dapper.
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Thanks @TrustyBird the benefits of sobriety continue to present themselves…now to get the 401k
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In the er right now. Been here since 2am and its almost 5am. I was awoken by a very sharp pain in my abdomen and it hurt on either side. I went to the couch to not wake hubby but after 20min of the pain not getting better i woke hubby up to go to the er. I was scared. Ive never had pain like this
Damn the anxiety and fear. Idk whats wrong and was trying to understand whats going on but worried if an answer i give will be misleading. I dont like all the attention or to be the focus like this. I dont want to make a big fuss but i was doubled over and unable to take deep breaths due to pain. I hate that im worried about the bill and doubting myself. This is alot. I need to remember i dont have to figure this out the doctor will
Im feeling better after iv fluids. Will have to wait an hour for ct scans to be read. Thank goodness for insurance but damn im not looking forward to a bill 
I never want to come back to the er again
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Oh, no. I hope you’ll get some results soon that will explain. And hopefully you’ll be better soon 
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Thanks so much @Puzzled its scary not knowing whats going on and still having the alcoholic mind and trying to control people, perceptions and outcomes.
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